Ronnie and Danielle Here I am
by camilee
Summary: Ronnie finally finds out that Danielle is her daughter. What happens next? Is Ronnie what Danielle was really looking for?
1. Chapter 1

_**Hi, everyone. I know there are lots of stories in here about Danielle and Ronnie. I really enjoy reading all of them. In fact I enjoy it so much that I decided to give it a shot myself. I hope you can get through one more. Please review and let me know what you think. Even though the beginning approach is quite similar to other stories I have some ideas on how this story would develop, which were not used in any other story, unless I missed it. Anyway, let me know if I should carry on.**_

Danielle was standing outside R&R, trying to compose herself before entering. Her heart was pounding violently. She took a deep breath and placed her hand on her chest hoping that it would help calm her nerves. _Useless_, she thought slowly pushing the door and making her way down the stairs. She felt as if the steps were miles away from one another. She made her way down these stairs so many times, but for some reason today this journey seemed so long, so tedious. The club was filled with guests. The Mitchells, The Slaters, The Brannings, The Truemans, The Masoods, The Beales. Their faces, their gestures. They looked like cartoons. Danielle smiled at the thought that if she concentrated hard enough, she would come up with a nickname for everyone and each of them. After all she has known them for quite few months, and there was never much to do when she was working on the stall. Danielle never understood people from Walford. They were always busy, always in a rush, never had time for a chat or a smile everything seemed like a waste of time, like too much of an effort. Even if someone forced a smile it was never honest, never genuine. She took a few minutes to look around. Her eyes were focused, scanning the place. Then suddenly stopped reaching their target. There they were, The Mitchells, that one family she wanted so much to be a part of. They were so proud, so powerful. She always admired them wishing to have at least a tiny amount of that pride and power. But not, today. Today, in her eyes they were worthless. Their chests were filled with ice instead of hearts. Especially hers, Ronnie`s. Danielle stood for a moment at the bottom of the stairs thinking about all her encounters with Ronnie, all the horrible things she told her, all the pitiful looks she gave her, anger, hatred she saw in her eyes, and then the warmth, her smile the touch of her hand when she went with her to the clinic. The softness of her voice when she hugged her, the beautiful scent wrapped in her coat. So many signals, so different, so much hot and cold, so confusing. After a while Danielle shook her head trying to push away those thoughts, she had to focus. She was there for a reason, she had a plan. She must have been standing like this for at least five minutes, but no one noticed her. For all these months she has learnt so much about the residents of Albert Square, she has seen so much and changed so much, but for them she was still the same, still invisible.

Danielle walked slowly towards the office, assuming that Ronnie would be there as she couldn`t see her among the guests. She gently pushed the door and walked in. She stopped for a second thinking that maybe she should have knocked, but to her surprise the office was empty. There were papers everywhere covering both desks and the sofa. Danielle let a tiny smile thinking that Ronnie must have had a major disaster with this engagement party because she was usually very organised. She put her hand into the pocket of her trousers and took out the most pressure thing she was protecting for almost her entire life, shiny, beautiful locket. She opened it gently to look at the picture one last time. She has known this picture very well, every tiny detail every crease that has emerged over the years. She could feel tears filling her eyes as she looked at the face of her mother. All those years, all those hopes and expectations she hid within this locket, the future she saw in her mother`s eyes. All of this was now crashing down. The dream was so sweet, but the reality was so bitter. This was it, she didn`t come here to see her dream coming true, there was no chance for that anymore, not after Archie told her that Ronnie knew her secret and told him to get rid of her. It was easy to believe him, after all Ronnie herself said that having her baby was the biggest mistake of her life. Danielle came here to tell her that she was done, to tell her that this time she was rejecting her, that she didn`t need her anymore. Danielle closed the locket and slowly placed it on the table. She turned around as the sound of the music became louder and clearer indicating that someone must have opened the door. She didn`t see anything except big blue eyes filled with anger staring back at her. The face, the expression she knew so well.

- "What are you doing here, Danielle? This is a private party, and I don`t need your useless help." – Ronnie threw her coat angrily on the desk, over the locket and a pile of papers and made her way to Jack`s desk.

- "Well! Whatever it is I haven`t got time for it anyway, so why don`t you just leave." – she continued without even looking at Danielle, just going through some papers she took out of the draw.

- "I... I came to say goodbye" – Danielle whispered trying to avoid looking at her mother.

- "Goodbye? What do you mean?" – Ronnie asked indifferently a bit annoyed that Danielle was still there.

- "I`m going home, back to Telford and am not coming back" – Danielle replied quietly, feeling a lump forming in her throat.

- "If that`s what you decided. Don`t worry I won`t have problems with replacing you." – Ronnie spoke coldly still not looking at her daughter. – "Oh there it is" – she added after a while, happy that she found what she was looking for.

- "You don`t even care?" – It was more of a statement than a question, whispered to herself, frightened that Ronnie would feel offended and start to yell at her. Danielle was always like this around Ronnie, nervous and terrified.

- "Hmm?" – Ronnie was reading through the papers not even noticing that Danielle was talking to her.

- "You`re not listening" – Danielle shouted surprised as she didn`t know where this sudden strength came from. It was all this anger and pain that she was carrying for all these months. All these words desperately waiting to be spoken, for so long.

- "I told you I haven`t got time for this!" – Ronnie answered showing how annoyed she was with Danielle`s outburst by grabbing her arm to lead her to the door.

- "No!" - she screamed pulling her arm and taking place right opposite Ronnie. _You have to get in her face_. She could hear Roxy`s words in her head. – "This time you have to listen!" – her voice was dark and deep, it pierced through Ronnie to the bones.

- "You need help Danielle" – she answered back, trying to grab her arm again, but Danielle stepped back before she reached out.

- "No, you need help! You have no natural feelings!" – she didn`t even have to force these words they were just coming out so easily, they wouldn`t stop. – "You`ve hurt me more than anyone ever could. From the beginning you`ve cursed my life."

- "I don`t know what you talking about" – Ronnie was shocked by Danielle`s accusations. How did she hurt this girl, what was she blaming her for, she was a complete stranger. If she ever did anything, she helped her. She went with her to the clinic, she was there to support her when she had an abortion, well, at least she tried.

- "What do you want from me Danielle? I am not responsible for you. It was up to you to..." - she was trying to talk some sense into Danielle pointing her finger at her, speaking the words coldly and slowly as if Danielle was insane and disturbed. As if the pace was any faster she wouldn`t be able to process what Ronnie was throwing at her. But she wasn`t allowed to finish.

- "Responsible? I don`t want your responsibility! I don`t need you, not anymore! I am rejecting you just like you rejected me 19 years ago." – her chin was trembling with every word, her eyes were filling with more tears, her hands, her entire body was shaking. All the hurt, the pain, the rejection all these emotions she has tried to suppress for so long were now bursting out.

- "Re... Rejecting? ... Rejecting you? What are you talking about?" – she didn`t know what Danielle was talking about, she thought that maybe even Danielle herself didn`t know. How could she reject Danielle 19 years ago? She had nothing to do with her. She was just some kid, Stacy`s Slater friend, all the time her tail, all the time in her shadow.

- "Don`t pretend that you don`t know. Just tell me, tell me why did you give it away with me. You wanted me to have a hope? A hope for what?" – she was screaming her heart out, desperate to know the answer, to understand why would her mother give her a locket with her own picture, why would she leave her contact details in the adoption agency and now treat her like dirt, like something that gets stuck to the shoe and drags after you wherever you go.

- "Give away what?" – Ronnie was now even more confused and even more annoyed.

- "The locket!" – Danielle shouted pointing towards Ronnie`s chest where she could see the same locket, the same as hers.

- "How do you know about that?" – Ronnie asked with a shock on her face and reached out to grab her locket, her baby. How did she know? Ronnie`s mind was rushing through all the conversations she had with Danielle, searching for an answer, but it wasn`t there. They talked about her baby, about the adoption, vaguely, but she never mentioned the locket. It was impossible, Danielle couldn`t have known.

- "I told her!" – Suddenly everything became clear. Archie was standing by the door looking at both of them. His face was calm, composed. He walked slowly towards Ronnie and stopped by her side.

- "I`m sorry V. Danielle came to me a few days ago. She claimed to be your daughter. I tried to explain to her. It was then when I told her about the locket that you gave away with Amy." – looking straight into his daughter`s eyes making sure she wasn`t looking at Danielle, placing his hands on Ronnie`s shoulders, once again he was trying to rip her heart out, to take away her precious baby. – "As you can see she is quite insane." – he added.

Ronnie didn`t say anything just nodded in response, swallowing a lump that formed in her throat and rushing back the tears filling her eyes.

- "No you didn`t. You`re lying. I have it here. I`ve put it on the desk" – Danielle grabbed Ronnie`s coat and threw it on the sofa trying to find the locket in the pile of papers, but it wasn`t there. – "It was right here, just here." – she was shouting, her voice was desperate, her hands were pushing the papers away from the desk. But it wasn`t there she couldn`t see it. The only proof that she was telling the truth vanished.

- "It was there! You have to believe me!" – she turned to Ronnie, her eyes were begging to believe her to understand.

- "No! You`re wrong! You`re lying!" – Danielle could feel her mother grabbing her arms, her fingernails sharp, hurting her. Ronnie was dragging her outside the office, passing all the guests, everyone shocked not understanding what has this girl done to upset her so much.

- "You`re my mother! You are! You have to believe me!" – Danielle was trying to release herself from Ronnie`s arms, but she was too strong. She could feel her feet barely touching the stairs, as Ronnie was dragging her towards the door. Then she felt her body pushed through the door and a cold wind on her face drying the tears and finally a rough texture of the ground.

- "You stay away from me! I don`t want to see you ever again! You pathetic, little freak! Who would want a daughter like you?" – her words were like a knife cutting through every bone, every vein of Danielle`s body. She was shaking. Her chin was trembling. This was her mother, she was saying these words. They were so painful, ringing in her ears as she picked herself up. This was it, there was nothing here anymore, there was no strength, no power to fight anymore, she was done, she had to leave.


	2. Chapter 2

After Ronnie threw Danielle out from the club, Archie and Peggy`s engagement party carried on relatively normal. Well, except for a sound of a broken glass, every half an hour or so, coming from the bar, usually linked to Roxy`s presence in thereabouts. This, however, the bride and groom took as a good sign for their future together. It looked like everyone had forgotten about Danielle`s earlier outburst, especially as Archie tried to explain her irrational behaviour by mentioning something about her mental instability, believing that by doing so he managed to fool everyone.

- "Hey! Come on Ron stop hiding in here! Come out!" – Jack shouted peeping through half open office door.

- "Oh, just leave me Jack! This whole party wasn`t my idea, anyway. I did it cause Roxy wouldn`t shut up! And look what she`s done with this office. It`s gonna take me ages to sort it." – Ronnie replied sitting by her desk with a glass of vodka in her hand.

- "I`ll help you! We`ll do it together tomorrow." – Jack smiled as he approached her slowly to touch her hand, but she was faster reaching out to pour herself more vodka.

- "God! These glasses are so slippery." – Roxy mumbled under her nose as she made her way to the office. – "Oi! The bubbly`s finished" – she shouted as she burst through the door giving Jack a cheeky smile and making him wink in return. Ronnie shook her head in disgust as she found the whole exchange irritating.

- "It`s not that I`m keen on soft drinks, but some of our guests are rather posh, or at least they think that." – Roxy carried on adjusting her skirt.

- "There`s more in the storeroom. The keys are in my coat" – Ronnie pointed at her coat lying on the sofa without looking at her sister, just taking another sip.

- "Well, you do it! I`ve got other things to do." – Roxy shouted back shaking her hands.

- "Oh for God`s sake Rox!" – Ronnie shouted, violently grabbing her coat from the sofa. After fiddling with a coat for a few seconds in search of a pocket, just when she was about to put her hand inside it to get the keys, she noticed that something got stuck to it. It was a chain. It`s end was tightly hooked to the tread sticking out from the side pocket. Ronnie slowly brushed her fingers over the chain, feeling it`s every link millimetre by millimetre. It was so familiar. She`s done it so many times. As she reached the end of the chain, she closed her eyes. The fear of disappointment was filling her heart. _What if it wasn`t it? _She thought. She forced her trembling fingers further down the chain. At first just her thumb, then the rest of the fingers followed it obediently. As she squeezed the locket in her palm her heart jumped. This was it. It felt right. She gently unhooked the locket from the coat and opened it. Sharp shiver of guilt passed through her body as she looked at her own picture.

- "What`s wrong Ron?" – asked Jack alarmed by Ronnie`s lifeless posture. She didn`t reply. Her eyes were flipping between the pair of them and the locket. Her mouth was moving but no words were coming out.

- "What`s with this champagne V? The Guests are starting to..." – Archie stood in the door not believing his eyes. His mouth dropped as he saw a bright light coming out from Ronnie`s palm.

- "She was telling the truth!" – Ronnie finally managed to break through the barrier that formed in her throat.

This was the last thing Ronnie could recall. She didn`t remember Archie trying to stop her as she ran pass him on her way out of the office. She didn`t remember his pitiful explanations to cover up his disgusting lies. She didn`t notice Peggy`s useless attempts to control the situation. She didn`t care how much attention she was getting when she ran up the stairs shouting _She`s my daughter. _All she had to do now was to find her baby, her Amy. She was running through the square as fast as she could. The sound of her heels brutally hitting the ground accompanied by the clatter of the lockets as they struck at one another, now together around her neck, was the only indication that she was still there, still breathing. There was only place that Danielle could have gone, she thought, The Slaters.

- "All right! I`m coming!" – Stacy shouted annoyed with the racket coming out from the other side of the door making her way to open it. Ronnie was banging as hard as she could. She could break this door if this would get her any closer to her baby. She was striking her fists desperately against the door, one violent push after another, until the door was finally open.

- "Where is she? Is she here?" – She was throwing her questions aimlessly, pushing Stacy on the side on her way to the living room.

- "You broke her heart!" – She knew Stacy was right, she hurt Danielle really badly, but all that matter now was finding her baby.

- "Where, is she Stacy? Where has she gone?" – Ronnie placed her hands on Stacy`s shoulders, looking into her eyes through her own tears, begging to hear where her baby was.

- "She`s not here. She`s gone home to Telford. Her father came for her. They left an hour ago." – Ronnie`s heart sank. Her baby was gone. She prayed for this moment for so long. Craved to hold her baby again, to feel her warmth in her arms, to breathe her in, but now it was too late. After that day in Weymouth, when Archie ripped her heart out, when he told her that Amy had died she knew that her dream would never come true, that having her baby back was impossible. It would have been a miracle. And now, when this miracle was happening in front of her eyes for so many months, she was too cold, too distant to notice.

- "I wish you would tell me what happened. You sounded so upset on the phone Danni." – Andy spoke softly trying to get Danielle`s attention as she didn`t say a word since they left Walford. She was just staring through the window at passing cars.

- "I knew that coming here was a bad idea. I shouldn`t have let you go. You`ve changed here." – He carried on hoping that Danielle would finally explain what happened, why she wanted to leave so suddenly. – "And after the abo..."

- "We **ARE** going home dad! Aren`t we!?" – Danielle snapped. She couldn`t let him finish. It was too painful. This word was tainted with guilt and disgust. She would never forgive herself getting rid of her baby, she would never forgive herself becoming her own mother.

The rain was pouring down. The windows were covered in steam. Danielle was staring at her own reflection, thinking how foolish and naive she was. What kind of reunion did she expect? Why would Ronnie want her? She had everything she could ask for, she was beautiful and successful. She was a Mitchell. Power and pride engraved on her every bone. Danielle was nothing like that. She was shy, running away from attention, always trying to disappear in the crowd. It wasn`t meant to be Danielle`s heart was never meant to be filled with Ronnie`s love, not hers. Danielle could feel her palms turning into fists, her teeth clenching at the memory of Ronnie`s words and her eyes filled with hatred as she threw her on the street. But it was useless. Regardless of how much she tried to hate her, this feeling was still there. Still violently penetrating her heart, desperate to hold on. She still long to be held by Ronnie, she still loved her.

Ronnie and Stacy were sitting at the back of Charlie`s cab. None of them said a word since they left Walford. Going after Danielle was a decision which Ronnie made in the spur of the moment. It was unlike her. Ronnie Mitchell was not a person who would spontaneously set off in pursuit of her dream. Spontaneous? This word was not even in her dictionary.

- "Do you really think this is a good idea? What are you gonna tell her? What are you gonna tell her dad?" – Stacy finally broke the silence throwing questions at Ronnie.

- "I don`t know, but I need to see her. I need to explain." – Ronnie replied moving her fringe out of her eyes.

- "Explain? How can you explain what you did to her? How will you ever explain that?" – Stacy wasn`t gonna let Ronnie get away with the way she treated her best friend. If eyes could kill, Stacy Slater would be now sitting next to Ronnie Mitchell`s corpse. Her voice was sharp, piercing through Ronnie`s body like a knife.

- "Look Stacy! Danielle is my daughter. I have to see her. If you think it`s a bad idea you can always get off." – Ronnie managed to raise her voice, even though staying calm ant fighting back the tears was becoming more and more difficult, as Stacy`s words brought back painful memories of the earlier events that took place that evening in R&R.

- "Get off? No way! You might have gotten Dan under your spell, but you won`t fool me you heartless cow. And if you think that..." - Stacy was about to make a serious threat pointing in Ronnie`s direction, when she was stopped by Ronnie`s sudden movement, reaching out to grab Charlie`s shoulder.

- "Why you`re slowing down? What`s going on?" – She shouted into his ear.

- "Sorry love. Looks like there`s been an accident." – Charlie answered calmly, as they passed a car crashed into a tree surrounded by two police vehicles and a crowd of spectators.

- "Oh God!" – Stacy screamed placing her hands on her chest as if her heart was about to explode. – "It`s Andy`s car. I remember it from the picture that Dan showed me once." – her voice was braking, it was so unclear, so distant as if it was coming from somewhere else, and what reached inside of this taxi was only its echo.


	3. Chapter 3

- "Miss! Miss! Please... Miss! You can`t go there!" – Policeman`s voice, however loud and deep, struggled to reach Ronnie`s ears, as she was desperately trying to push her shaking body through the crowd towards the wreckage.

- "**DANIELLE!** **DANIELLE!**" – Stacy was crying her heart out as she was trying to keep up with her.

- "Miss!" – The policeman finally managed to get Ronnie`s attention as he grabbed her arm. – "Please...Miss! You can`t go there!" – He said looking into her eyes filled with tears now undistinguishable from the raindrops.

- "I have to! She needs me! My daughter! She`s in that car!" – Her voice was lost in panic and her eyes were darting frantically from the policeman to the car, as she tried to realise herself from his grip.

- "No, she`s not." – He shouted making Ronnie finally focus her attention on what he was about to say. – "Both victims were taken to hospital...Miss! To General Hospital in Walford!" – He carried on slowly hoping that this would help to stop the hysteria beginning to arise in front of his eyes.

- "Come on Ronnie, love. We should get to hospital." – Charlie gently squeezed Ronnie`s shoulders escorting her back to the car, followed by Stacy who was trying to catch her breath.

The door of the A&E ward in General Hospital gaped wide open as three people energetically burst inside. Stacy was leading the trio, followed by shaking Ronnie and Charlie who was bravely marching next to her ready to support her weight in case she was going to collapse.

- "We`re here to see Danielle Jones. She was in a car accident" – Stacy managed to push the words through her mouth before catching her breath as she approached the reception desk. – "How is she?" – She added.

- "Yes, let me see" – the nurse answered, energetically hitting the bottoms of the computer keyboard.

- "Please! How is she?" – She raised her voice impatiently scratching the surface of the desk with her nails.

- "What is your relation to Miss Jones?" – The nurse asked glancing at three soaking wet figures.

- "We`re her friends." – Stacy replied quietly, doubting her own words. She couldn`t help to think that she didn`t deserve that title, that she disappointed Danielle and abandoned her when she needed her the most. After the abortion Danielle became distant, she pushed everyone away. Stacy gave up on her thinking that she didn`t need her anymore. All Danielle seemed to care about lately was Ronnie and the Mitchells and that for Stacy was too much to deal with. She couldn`t understand how Danielle would want to be a part of them. The Slaters and The Mitchells have always been sworn enemies, especially after what they did to Sean. But now she knew that she should have been there for her friend. She knew that regardless of what she thought of Danielle`s actions she should have supported her because that`s what true friends do.

- "I`m sorry, but I can give this information to the patient`s family only." – the nurse replied.

- "No! You don`t understand. I have to know if she`s alright. I`m her..." – Ronnie jumped in woken up from her lethargic state as she felt that the chance to see her baby was slipping away. But she couldn`t find the courage to say this one word. This one word she dreamt to hear for the last 19 years, wouldn`t come out. Just as if her mouth refused to put these three most important letters together. This one word, "mum", so simple, but carries so much meaning. For the last 19 years Ronnie Mitchell has defined this word in so many different ways. So many beautiful dreams, hopes and expectations she has put in it, and yet today she managed to crash every single one of them.

Stacy turned her head back in response to Ronnie`s sudden outburst and their eyes met. These two women were so different in their own ways, tainted with their own painful stories, their own secrets, always alone against the world. They were now standing in front of one another naked, both deprived of their impenetrable shields, joined by the invisible link, the overpowering feeling of guilt.

- "Look! I`m sorry but these are the rules. Miss Jones and her father were taken to the trauma centre. If you would like to make your way to the left, Danielle`s brother is there, he will be able to tell you more. That`s all I can do I`m afraid." – she finished raising her voice slightly and pointing towards left.

As they walked through the door of the family room, they saw a lifeless posture of a young man. He was sitting on the chair with his head buried in his hands, elbows were obediently resting on his knees. Doctors and nurses were passing the door from time to time but he wouldn`t move. He sat there like a statue, firm, fixed to the chair.

- "Gareth?" – Stacy uttered softly, trying to get his attention, as she approached him but it was useless, he still wouldn`t move. – "Gareth, I`m Stacy, Danielle`s friend. How is she?" - She pushed and gently touched his palm. She stepped back as she saw him slowly lifting his head. His eyes were empty, red from tears.

- "Danielle?" – He asked confused frowning his eyebrows. – "Danielle... I don`t know, they`re still taking care of her." – he added after a minute as he finally acknowledged Stacy`s presence. – "Dad... Dad`s gone" – he finished returning to his previous position, with the emptiness filling his eyes once again and burying his head in his hands.

Few minutes have passed but it felt like hours. After hearing Gareth`s last words Ronnie slowly collapsed on the chair, placing her hands on her laps and she remained in this position since. Stacy was trying to keep herself busy wandering around the room and looking at her mobile from time to time. Charlie had left the room, he said it would be good to phone home after he disappeared from R&R with no explanation. But the truth was that he felt a bit like an intruder. Stacy was Danielle`s best friend, Ronnie was her mother, and even though him and Danielle managed to get quite close over the last few months he still felt that his presence there was redundant. Ronnie fixed her eyes on Gareth. She was scanning him from top to bottom searching for any similarities with Danielle, any tiny detail that would get her closer to her baby. She knew that it was irrational, Gareth was not Danielle`s biological brother, he looked different. He was tall, well-built, he had dark hair and dark eyes, he must have been in his early twenties, she thought, but still she needed something to hold on to. She felt jealous as the thought that he knew Danielle, he grew up with her, he was there when she spoke her first words when she made her first step. She was just about to lose herself in her dreams of Danielle`s childhood as she heard footsteps.

- "Right. And you are the rest of Danielle`s family, I assume." – The doctor asked walking inside the room as he looked at Ronnie and Stacy. Neither of them said anything only Ronnie nodded in response.

- "It`s good that you`re here. Mr Jones will now need all support he can get." – He added turning towards Gareth.

- "Right Mr Jones, about your sister." – the doctor started but paused immediately as he realised that Gareth wasn`t listening. – "Mr Jones?" – he raised his voice and as soon as Gareth raised his head and they managed to establish an eye contact he carried on – "Danielle is going to be fine, her condition is stable, she fractured her arm and sustained minor injuries to her head, she has also suffered a bruised lung, fortunately none of the ribs were broken. She`s under medication, she`s getting strong painkillers as she`s probably going to be in a lot of pain after she wakes up. Mr Jones, do you understand? You`re sister is going to be absolutely fine." – he asked still not being sure if Gareth was listening. – "Right I need to see to my other patients." – he turned around after seeing Gareth nod in response to his question.

- "Doctor, when will she wake up?" – Ronnie stopped him, chaotically grabbing his shoulder as he made his way to leave the room.

- "Well, Miss...?" – he asked glancing at Ronnie`s hand stuck to his shoulder.

- "Ronnie Mitchell" – she answered letting go of his arm as she realised that this sudden movement was a bit inappropriate. As soon as she said her name Gareth raised his head and their eyes met for the first time.

- "Well, Miss Mitchell. It`s difficult to say at this point. Danielle will need a lot rest, but even after she wakes up she will be mostly on and off." – He carried on.

- "Can we see her?" – Stacy jumped in taking place next to Ronnie.

- "Not just yet, but the nurse will come and let you know as soon as it is possible." – the doctor finished giving one last glance at Gareth who once again returned to his lifeless posture.

After the doctor left Ronnie sat herself close to the door looking out from time to time whenever she heard a movement outside hoping that it would be the nurse. After a while she took her phone out of the pocket and looked at the screen. There were twelve missed calls from Roxy. She ignored them, she wouldn`t know what to say anyway, not until she saw Danielle and made sure she was really going to be alright. She shuffled nervously on the chair, while Stacy was looking through the window and turned towards the door from time to time. Ronnie let her body relax in the chair as she felt a bit content after talking to Danielle`s doctor, she closed her eyes and was about to drift away when someone entered the room.

- "Mr Jones, if you could come with me please. I`ll take you to Danielle." – the nurse said looking at Gareth, completely ignoring the rest of the people in the room. Gareth stood up immediately and without a word followed her.

- "I need to see her too!" – Ronnie shouted as the nurse turned towards the door.

- "And me" – Stacy added as she passed Gareth.

- "I`m sorry but only the closets family." – The nurse answered calmly looking at both of them.

- "Please! I need to make sure she`s alright." – Ronnie pleaded looking straight into her eyes.

- "I`m sorry, but as I said only the closets family. What exactly is your relation to Miss Jones?" – she asked.

- "I`m... I`m ... her..." – Ronnie was trying to stay calm, but she was afraid to say that she was Danielle`s mother in front of Gareth. She was scared that he would see right through her and blame her for what happened to his sister just like she blamed herself, but before she managed to finish she saw Gareth turning towards the nurse.

- "She`s Danielle`s mother." – he answered and calmly made his way out of the room.


	4. Chapter 4

Gareth and Ronnie walked into Danielle`s room. It was small and dark. It felt very cold and unwelcoming. It was empty except for the bed and machines that took most of the space. Danielle was lying on her back. Her arms and legs were stretched. Her right arm was wrapped in bandages as well as her head. Her face was covered with an oxygen mask. The beautiful, happy girl was gone and the only thing Ronnie saw now lying on this bed was an image of herself. Danielle`s smile was replaced with sadness, warmth in her eyes with disappointment. Ronnie stood motionlessly by the door holding both lockets tightly in her hand as if they were some magic wand and one touch would make everything go away. All the pain that she caused would vanish and she would again see love in her daughter`s eyes. Gareth was sitting by Danielle`s bed holding her left hand in his.

- "Only five minutes, Danielle needs to rest" – the nurse turned to Gareth making her way out and smiled at Ronnie what gave her courage to get closer to Danielle`s bed.

She sat on the chair on the other side of the bed and touched Danielle`s cheek – "Hi, baby" – she whispered, feeling the softness of Danielle`s skin under her fingers. It was the most beautiful thing she has ever felt. It reminded her that time in hospital when Amy was born, it felt exactly the same. Gareth lifted his head and gave Ronnie a weak smile trying to force back the tears forming in his eyes. She smiled back in return brushing her fingers over Danielle`s cheek.

Stacy was wandering in the family room, nervously squeezing her phone and looking through the window from time to time. She counted all the tiles on the floor and all the lamps on the ceiling. She turned her head towards the door as she could hear somebody pressing on the handle.

- "Hi, love. How`s Danielle? Have you found out anything?" – Charlie rushed through the door and sat on the chair to catch his breath.

- "She`s going to be fine! Her arm is broken. She`s got some bruises, but she`s going to be fine." – she answered taking a seat opposite him.

- "You don`t look very happy though." – Charlie asked opening the top button of his shirt.

- "Because they won`t let me see her, only family they said." – Stacy answered angrily shaking her arms.

- "I`m sure they`re doing what`s best for Danielle." – he answered hoping to make her understand.

- "Best for her? If they were doing what`s best for her they wouldn`t let this cow into the building. It`s her fault Dan is here." – She raised her voice as she stood up and pointed her finger at Charlie.

- "Calm down Stacy. She`s worried about her, just like everyone else." – he was trying to take control.

- "Yeah right. She`s here because she feels guilty. Just a few hours ago she didn`t even care about Dan and now she`s got this Mother Theresa look all over her face." – Stacy carried on walking from side to side of the room.

- "I`m sure Ronnie cares about her. Maybe everyone of us could have done more." – Charlie said correcting his glasses. This was enough for Stacy. It was like he saw right through her. Once again she could feel that she disappointed Danielle and sat quietly next to him.

After a few minutes Ronnie and Gareth walked in to the family room and both sat quietly on the chairs opposite each other.

- "Well, how is she?" – Stacy turned to Ronnie

- "She`s still unconscious. We were asked to leave. The nurse had to give her some medication. She`ll let us know when Danielle wakes up." – Ronnie answered brushing her hands over her face.

Minutes turned into hours. Ronnie could feel her eyes slowly closing. She looked at Gareth from time to time but he didn`t move or said anything. Ronnie always felt uncomfortable in such situations. Nothing was under her control and she hated it.

- "God! Danielle looks just like you." – Gareth said staring at the floor.

Ronnie didn`t know how to react. She didn`t know what to expect. Was it good or bad that he knows? Was he going to start yelling at her and tell her to get out? One thing was sure, she was not going to leave, she had to be prepared for whatever he was going to throw at her. Ronnie hesitantly left the chair and made her way towards the coffee machine, she put the coins in the slot and waited for the second cup to get full.

- "Here!" – she said giving him the cup and taking a seat next to him.

- "You know." – she lifted her hand to brush the fringe away from her eyes.

- "Yes. I didn`t at first, but when you said your name, I realised." – He answered as he lifted his head and pressed his back to the chair.

- "Danielle told me. Before she left, she told me why she wanted to come here." – He took a deep breath as brushed away his hair from his forehead. – "God, I was so angry with her. I thought she didn`t have a right, not after mum died. But she was so stubborn, she wouldn`t listen." – a small smile formed on his face at the memory of his sister. – "She`s always been like that. You know my parents, they loved her so much, but they were so different with her." – Gareth turned his head towards Ronnie who nodded to signal that she was listening to every single word he spoke. – "For dad she was always his little girl, he never talked about adoption, just as if she was his from the beginning. And my mum she..., well she understood Danielle, you know. She..., she was always aware, always prepared, like she knew that one day Dani`s past would catch up with her."

- "I remember once" – he said after a while closing his eyes. – "I was around 13 and Danielle was 8 and..., well my parents wanted to give her the locket that you gave away with her" – he said looking at two chains hanging around Ronnie`s neck. – "Well, my mum wanted to..." – he carried on looking into her eyes, - "...dad, he didn`t even want to know. They were arguing. I was passing by their room and I heard them. I don`t remember exactly, I probably didn`t even quite understand then, but I remember very clearly when my mum said to dad _Don`t you understand,_ _maybe Danielle was never meant to be adopted._"

Ronnie didn`t say anything, she was just staring at Gareth who was now just as her sitting quietly drinking his coffee. For her this situation was still difficult to comprehend. It didn`t feel real. She was sitting next to her baby`s brother, listening to him talk about her, about the people who brought her up. Her Amy was not any more a memory of two hours and twenty three minutes, but nineteen years of joy and happiness, nineteen years filled with her laughter, her first words, her first day at school, her first hopes and disappointments, years filled with all these things that were brutally taken away from Ronnie and given to someone else. Her Amy wasn`t any more a memory hidden in the locket she carried for so long close to her heart, she was Danielle, she had a name and a face and she was alive, just meters away.

- "I don`t know what to do. I still can`t believe he`s gone. What am I gonna do? How am I gonna cope? How am I gonna tell her?" – Gareth suddenly broke the silence. – "Danielle, she would know. She`s always been so strong, even after mum died. Dad was like a ghost. Dani took care of everything. She made sure he was getting up, eating, going to work. But it was so difficult for her, mum and Dani, they were so close. Sometimes I could hear her crying in the night. I... I was scared I couldn`t stand being at home, always looking for excuses to get out." – he carried on as the feeling of guilt appeared on his face. – "I wasn`t there for her when I should have, but now I will. Now, I will take care of her." – He finished with a confidence in his voice.

He turned towards Ronnie who gave him reassuring smile. They sat for a while sipping their coffees. Stacy was slipping on the chair in the corner changing her position from time to time. Charlie had left just after Ronnie and Gareth`s return. He said he would be back in the morning with some things for Stacy. Ronnie looked at her watch, it was three in the morning. She stretched her legs as they were hurting from sitting in the same position for the last few hours. She looked through the window, it had stopped raining and the sky was now clear.

- "So what happens now?" – Gareth asked waking up Stacy who lifted her head up and looked at him.

- "What do you mean?" – Ronnie replied giving him a questioning look.

- "You`re here. She found you. Well..., I mean do you even want her?" – His eyes were scanning Ronnie like a lie detector awaiting an honest answer.

- "With all my heart."– It was honest, probably the most honest thing Ronnie Mitchell has ever said in her life. She wanted Danielle in her life. She wanted to be her mother, to live with her, to see her every day, and chat with her. Be the one she comes to when she`s sad or happy, when her boyfriend brakes her heart when she falls out with her friends. She wanted to be everything that Danielle would want her to be. But now this everything seemed like a dream. What if Danielle didn`t want her? What if she didn`t want to give her a chance? I would be a miracle if she did after what Ronnie had told her in the club. Ronnie felt tears filling her eyes at the thought of everything that happened in R&R. She couldn`t help to think that this was her fault, the accident, Andy`s death, Danielle being here, this everything could have been avoided only if she had listened, only if she had believed her.

- "What about her, then?" – Gareth asked once again looking straight in her eyes. – "Does she want the same?"

- "I... I don`t know. I hope so" – She whispered terrified of what would happen next. Scared that she would have to tell him what actually happened, why Danielle decided to leave so suddenly.

- "Well, I guess she will need time, now after dad`s gone." – He replied placing his hands on his laps.

- "I`ll get some fresh air." – Stacy stood up giving Ronnie the look that meant that Gareth may be fooled by her smiles and soft voice but she was not going to forget what she did to Danielle.

- "I trust you`ll let me know when Dan wakes up." – She added pointing her finger at Ronnie on her way out.

- "Of course" – Ronnie replied meekly.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Hi guys! Thanks a lot for your reviews. I really mean it. Thanks to them I came up with a few ideas I wasn`t going to use in my story, but now I really think I found a perfect place for them. Anyway thanks a lot and of course please let me know what you think of the story so far. I have planned a lot for this story. Just to let you know what will happen next: Ronnie will struggle to earn Danielle`s trust, and much much later she won`t be the only one trying to win Danielle`s heart. **_

_**Enjoy!**_

The dawn was begging to break. Ronnie was resting her back against the wall outside the hospital. She could feel the warmth of the rising sun pleasantly caressing her face. She took the phone out from her pocket and looked at the screen. She scrolled down through her contacts list and stopped when Danielle`s name came up. She brushed her thumb over the screen few times. It didn`t feel the same, the cold glass of the phone`s screen was not the same as Danielle`s warm and soft skin. Ronnie closed her eyes at the memory of Danielle`s cheek under her fingers. This was it, her new addiction. It would never be enough.

- "Excuse me Miss!" – Ronnie opened her eyes and saw an elderly man smiling at her. She smiled back and moved to the side as she realised she was blocking the entrance. She took a deep breath and once again scrolled down through her contacts. She pressed on the calling button when Roxy`s name came up and moved away from the wall.

- "Ronnie where the hell are you? It`s six in the morning. I`ve been phoning you all night. What happened? Where`s Danielle? It`s a real mayhem in here. Phil`s thrown dad out of the club, aunty Peg`s gone with aunty Sal, Jack keeps asking about you? What`s going on, Ron?" – Roxy was shouting down the phone without any brakes.

- "You know, on the phone you supposed to have a dialog not a monologue, Roxy." – Ronnie replied smiling at her sister`s usual behaviour.

- "What`s happened Ron? Have you found her?" – Roxy carried on completely ignoring Ronnie`s comment.

- "Yes! Listen Rox, I`m at the hospital. There`s been an accident. It was Danielle and her dad." – Ronnie pressed her hand to her chest as she forced the words through her mouth.

- "What? How this happened? How are they?" – The voice on the phone became louder and more worried.

- "Danielle is still unconscious, but she`ll be fine. She`s got broken arm and some bruises, but she`ll be alright. Her... her dad, Andy... he died." - They couldn`t do anything. – Ronnie spoke the words on one breath without interruption. She thought it would be easier just to rush through them without thinking. She couldn`t stand the image of Danielle lying in her bed that was appearing in front of her eyes as she was talking about her condition.

- "Oh God! What a mess. Are you gonna tell her?" – She asked quietly.

- "I don`t know. It`s not really up to me. Her brother is here" – Ronnie brushed her hands thhrough her hair tucking them behind her ear.

- "Listen Ron I`ll leave Amy with Jack and I`m on my way" – Roxy said with determination in her voice.

- "No! It`s... It`s fine, really. Just take some rest, you haven`t slept all night anyway. Come in the afternoon and bring me some stuff. Some clothes, toiletries... well, you know." - Ronnie looked at her watch and shook her head from side to side thinking that this conversation was taking too long. – "Listen, Rox I have to go. Danielle can wake up anytime and I want to be there when she does."

- "Ron, are you sure you don`t want me to come now? Really, It`s not a problem." – She heard just before moving the phone away from her ear to hang up.

- "No! Just come later. Roxy, I really should be going. Bye!" – She replied quickly and pressed the cancel button.

- "Ok! Bye!" – Roxy replied softly to herself knowing that Ronnie was already gone.

Ronnie put the phone back to her pocket, lifted the collar of her coat and turned towards the door. She was just about to push the door and take a step inside when she spotted a figure of a young girl crouching by the entrance for the ambulances. Her head was resting on her arms which were wrapped around her knees. Her hair was covering her face. Ronnie approached her quietly, she didn`t really know what to do. She wasn`t used to seeing her like that.

- "Stacy? Are you ok?" – Ronnie asked quietly as she touched the top of her head.

- "Yeah I`m fine" – She got up and wiped a tear from her eye.

- "She`s going to be ok Stacy. You know that, don`t you?" – Ronnie looked straight into her eyes as she slowly made a step towards her.

- "Yeah I know" – Stacy replied coldly taking a step back.

- "So! It`s nice to see you and Gareth bonding. You`re planning on playing a happy family together?" – She leant against the wall and crossed her arms.

- "You don`t have to be like this Stacy" – Ronnie replied quietly putting her hand into the coat`s pocket.

- "No I don`t have to. I want to" – Stacy carried on indifferently.

- "You can`t make me feel worse then I already do. I know it`s my fault. I`m aware of the things I did to her. How much I hurt her. And if I could I would give away everything ..., everything..." – Ronnie could feel the wetness in her eyes again and her chin was beginning to tremble – "But I can`t can I?" – she forced back the tears and turned towards Stacy.

- "No! You can`t" – the anger was slowly disappearing from her face as she saw the tears forming in Ronnie`s eyes.

- "Why didn`t she tell me, Stace? All these months. Why didn`t she say anything?" – Ronnie placed her hand on her chest.

- "She tried so many times. _Sorry haven`t got time Danielle, Not now Danielle, Go home Danielle_. You want me to carry on?" – Stacy asked turning her head away from Ronnie.

- "No! I get it!" – Ronnie snapped at Stacy. – "I still can`t believe this is happening. I thought she was dead. How could I be so stupid to believe him?" – She put her hands on her head and squeezed them. – "I never meant for any of this to happen. I`ve always wanted her back, since the day she was born. Nothing else, just to hold her again" – She stared blankly at the ground.

- "That`s what she`s wanted too" – Stacy replied giving Ronnie a weak smile.

- "Maybe, we should get inside" – Ronnie smiled back and turned towards the door.

Ronnie was standing in the bathroom staring at her reflection in the mirror hanging above the sink. She slowly touched her nose and her mouth trying to find any resemblance with Danielle`s features. She smiled at the thought that when they cry their chins tremble in the same way. When did she see Danielle crying? She thought. The abortion! She closed her eyes and turned her head away from the mirror. She wasn`t happy with what she saw in there, she knew she wouldn`t be happy for very long, not until Danielle forgives her.

- "Any news about Danielle?" – Stacy rushed through the door.

- "No! She`s still the same" – Gareth turned towards her giving her a weak smile.

- "So! You`re Danielle`s friend?" – He asked making her sit next to him.

- "Yeah! We`re living together" – She replied proudly.

- "Danielle`s been here so long. She`s got a new life, you, Ronnie. Are they close?" – He asked looking straight into her eyes.

Ronnie pushed the door of the family room and looked around. Stacy was sitting staring at the floor. Gareth stood quietly by the window not moving. He didn`t look at Ronnie since she walked in. Ronnie made her way towards him expecting a screaming match. She left him alone with Stacy and she must have told him what had happened in R&R as you could slice the atmosphere with a knife. Ronnie stopped by the other side of the window just opposite Gareth, took a deep breath and brushed through her hair preparing herself for what was about to happen.

- "What?" – She asked surprised as Gareth gave her a little smile.

- "No, It`s nothing really. It`s just the way you push your hair away from your face. Danielle does it in exactly the same way" – he said kindly turning towards her.

- "Stacy told me that you own a club. That Danielle works there and you spend a lot of time together" – the smile did not leave his face as he spoke to her.

- "Yes! Yes! We do spend a lot of time together" – She answered with relief and mouthed _Thank you_ in Stacy`s direction who smiled in return.

- "You know when she was little, she was so cute. I used to get in trouble a lot. My parents used to send me away to my room. And she... she used to sneak in and bring me sweets just to cheer me up. She was a very happy child. I mean if you ever wondered, she had an amazing childhood." – He carried on.

- "Why did your parents adopt her? They had you" – Ronnie asked quietly.

- "My mum had been told that she shouldn`t have any children. When she was pregnant with me she spent most of the time at hospital, because of the complications. After I was born, she was really happy, but you know boys are not that close with mums and she always wanted to have a baby girl. She did all the tests and well, it was either her or the baby. In that case adoption was actually the only option."

- "The day she was born was the happiest day in my life, and the saddest at the same time. I never wanted to give her away" – Ronnie looked at the floor.

- "I`m sorry Ronnie" – Gareth placed his hand over Ronnie`s as he saw tears forming in her eyes.

- "You know usually, adoptive families, they don`t want anything to do with the real parents. And you...! Why you`re being so nice to me?" – She asked wiping away the tear from her eye.

- "When my mum..., when she got worse" – He removed his hand from Ronnie`s. "She wanted to prepare us for inevitable. I remember, we were in the living room. She was holding Danielle`s hand and she..., she told us she was going to die. Dani started to cry, she was begging her not to leave her not to give up. I... I was standing by the couch they were sitting on. I looked into my mother`s eyes and I saw... I saw this unimaginable pain. I`ve never seen anything like it" – He paused and looked straight into Ronnie`s eyes – "And that time when you came when I looked at you for the first time I saw the same pain in your eyes."

- "Danielle`s waking up" – the nurse interrupted looking through the half open door.


	6. Chapter 6

Danielle`s room was now filled with a bright light of the morning sun. The heavy and uncomfortable silence of the room was from time to time broken with the sound of the respiratory machine. Danielle was tossing nervously from side to side of the bed, unconsciously manoeuvring around the wires attached to her fragile body. Ronnie was standing lifelessly by the door. She wanted to be close to her daughter but she was terrified to make a step towards the bed. The mixture of guilt and happiness was paralyzing. She has dreamt of finding her daughter for so long. She imagined the moment thousands of times, the things she would say to her baby, the things they would do together. In her dream that moment was always perfect, but the reality was far from it.

- "Dani! It`s me Gareth. Everything`s gonna be ok. Dani you`re... um. There`s been an accident. You`re at hospital." – Gareth sat by the bed and touched Danielle`s hand.

- "Hi Dan!" – Stacy stood on the other side of the bed taking deep breaths one after another.

- "Dad?" – Danielle`s voice was quiet, almost a whisper but it was clear. She was moving her eyes aimlessly trying to follow her brother`s voice.

- "Everything`s gonna be ok! You`re safe now! – Gareth was holding her hand and gently pressing it against his cheek.

- "Dad?" – This time her question was louder, the tone of her voice was demanding and her eyes were locked on his face.

- "He`s... um... he`s..." – Gareth tried to keep himself composed but couldn`t stop the tears from falling. His mind was rushing through the possibilities, scenarios, the things he could have said, but he found nothing. The pain was too much to take. Danielle knew her brother so well. He couldn`t keep or hide anything from her. His face, his tears spoke for him. It was enough, she knew.

- "No! ... No!" – Her voice was begging, tears streaming down her cheeks. She was shaking her head from the side to side not believing his words, desperate to hear that it wasn`t true, that she didn`t lose her dad. Her breathing became heavier, her whole body was shaking nervously. She raised her hand towards her chest trying to remove the invisible weight from her heart. The tears covering her face were now mixed with sweat.

- "DANIELLE! What`s happening to her?" – Stacy shouted towards the door as she saw a white coat bursting through it.

- "It`s a panic attack. She needs to calm down" – The doctor replied and immediately made his way towards the bed.

- "Danielle, look at me. You need to come down. Breathe Danielle." – He placed his arm on Danielle`s shoulders trying to stop her from moving and injected something into her arm.

- "Come on baby, breathe" – Ronnie rushed to the bed. She couldn`t stay away any longer. Danielle needed her, she was her mother she had to protect her. – "Look at me sweetie, I`m right here" - She gently stroked Danielle`s hair sticking out from the bandages as she tried to maintain an eye contact with her.

- "That`s it Danielle. Breathe slowly." – The doctor spoke as her breathing slowly returned to normal and her eyes began to close.

- "She really needs to rest. She needs to sleep right now to get her strength back" – He turned to Ronnie giving her a smile. – "There`s nothing to worry about, panic attacks happen, it`s important to stay calm when they do." – He added on his way out.

Danielle began to fall asleep, her chest was slowly moving up and down. The steam appearing and disappearing on the oxygen mask on her every breath indicated that she was stable. Stacy remained glued to the chair staring at the very pale figure of her friend. Ronnie ran after Gareth as he burst out of the room unable to control himself.

- "I`m not really good with all this emotional stuff and I know I'll never be able to say this when you're awake. But...I love you" – Stacy whispered to Danielle`s ear gently stroking her hand.

- "It`s my fault. Oh God!" – Gareth was standing outside Danielle`s room resting his back against the wall and burring his face his hands.

- "No Gareth! It`s... it`s not! You heard the doctor. These things happen. – Ronnie tried to comfort him placing her hand on his shoulder.

- "I shouldn`t have said anything" – Gareth moved from the wall and sat on the chair.

- "But you haven`t. I mean you never know what to do such situations." – She was trying her best to help him, but she didn`t really know what to say. Gareth has just lost his father and still he couldn`t let the pain overtake he had to remain strong for Danielle.

- "I`m so glad you here." – He looked at Ronnie and gave her a weak smile. – "I don`t know what I would do without you"

Ronnie was sitting on the chair resting her head on Danielle`s bed. It was a long night and now she could feel how tired she was. It was almost noon and Danielle`s was asleep for the last few hours. Stacy went down to canteen to grab something to eat. Gareth left outside to make a few phone calls to his family members. Ronnie lifted her head as she felt that Danielle moved her arm.

- "Danielle? Hi sweetie." – Ronnie smiled towards Danielle as she saw big hazel eyes staring at her. Her body was calmly resting on the bed, but she wasn`t there. Her mind was somewhere else, somewhere far. Ronnie didn`t know where it was, but she was desperate to be there as well.

- "Dani, do you need anything?" – Ronnie moved closer hoping that Danielle would respond.

- "I don`t remember" – Danielle was staring blankly at her mother as if she wasn`t aware of her presence.

- "You don`t remember what sweetie?" – Ronnie moved even closer and reached out to touch Danielle`s hand.

- "His words. I`m trying to, but I can`t remember." – Danielle was lethargic, she didn`t even move when Ronnie touched her hand.

- "Why don`t I remember Ronnie?" – She turned to Ronnie, but her eyes were still empty, still unmoving.

- "It`s gonna be ok baby, you will remember, you will" – Ronnie could feel Danielle`s hand slipping from hers.

- "He was... he was... and now he`s... he`s gone" – Her eyes were slowly filling with tears. The lack of emotions on her faced was now replaced with pain.

- "It`s gonna be ok, baby"- Ronnie reached to wipe the tears from Danielle`s cheeks.

- "No!" – Danielle moved away and stretched her arm towards Ronnie as if she wanted to stop her from getting closer.

- "Dani, please! I just want to hold you! Just let me!" – Ronnie was begging her baby to let her in, to let her share the pain, but she wasn`t allowed. Ronnie`s arms were stretched waiting desperately to embrace this broken girl, her lips wanting to kiss away the pain, but for Danielle they were the arms that had brutally thrown her to the street and the lips that had spoken all those horrible things. Ronnie had to stay away, there was nothing she could have said or done to take away the pain she had caused.

- "No!" – Danielle`s arm remained firm, like a sword, piercing through Ronnie`s heart as she turned away from her and wrapped her arms around herself burying her head in the pillow. She was crying uncontrollably, every sob was like a thorn in Ronnie`s body one by one. It was a slow torture and all she could do was watch.

Ronnie has left Danielle`s room confused and hurt. Danielle didn`t want her anymore, she didn`t need her comfort. Ronnie`s betrayal, her rejection was the final straw. She pressed her back against the wall trying to stay calm, but the more she tried to fight back the tears, the more difficult it was. Her legs slowly refused to hold her body upright and she began to collapse on the floor. Sobs turned into an uncontrollable shower of tears. She pressed her arms to her body tightly wrapping them around herself. The more she squeezed them the more distant they felt. It wasn`t meant to be like this, her arms were not to be empty.

- "Ronnie? – Roxy`s voice was violently bouncing of the walls of the empty corridor. – Ron, What`s wrong? Where`s Danielle? – She kneeled opposite Ronnie holding her face in her hands.

- "She... she doesn`t want me" – Ronnie managed to force the words through her mouth.

- "Of course she does"- Roxy tried to get through to her sister saying anything that came to her mind, just to ease the pain. The truth was that she didn`t know what happened, why Ronnie was in this state. She grabbed Ronnie`s shoulders and pulled her up. – "What happened Ron?"

- "She was there crying and I... I wanted to hold her, but she... she wouldn`t let me" – Ronnie spoke between the sobs.

- "It`s gonna be ok Ron. She`s..." – Roxy moved closer to hug her sister but before she managed to embrace her Ronnie vigorously pushed her away.

- "No! It`s not. Nothing`s gonna be ok. It`s my fault. I`ve done this to her. I`ve hurt her and now I lost her" – She was waiving her arms into every direction walking from side to side. Her voice was loud but at the same time sounded defeated.

- "Now look!" – Roxy was now annoyed with her sister`s irrational behaviour. She was never good in such situations, but now she knew she had to take control. She stopped opposite Ronnie and pressed her against the wall forcing her to look straight into her eyes. – "You`re daughter needs you. You`re Danielle`s mother and you have to be strong for her" – She could see from Ronnie`s expression that she finally managed to shake some sense into her. – "You`re a Mitchell, and Mitchells never give up". – This was it, the perfect words. The words that she needed to hear. _Don`t give up!_ Ronnie looked at her sister with a new confidence in her eyes. She knew she couldn`t give up. Danielle was angry, disappointed and hurt, but Ronnie knew that the more she pushed her away the harder he had to try. Maybe Danielle was never going to forgive her, maybe there was no future for both of them together but now Ronnie knew that only death would stop her from trying.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Hi guys thanks a lot for your reviews. I really appreciate the time and effort you put into them as they are the reason why I carry on with this story. Once again thanks a lot and Enjoy. **_

- "So? Are you gonna go in there or not?" – Roxy tossed nervously sitting on the chair next to Ronnie.

- "Yeah! I just want to give her some time to calm down" – Ronnie pushed away the fringe from her face and smiled to herself as it reminded her Gareth`s words when he said that Danielle does it in the same way. It was a small thing, only a tiny detail, but it made her feel a bit closer to her baby.

- "Maybe I should go" – Roxy energetically moved her legs to get up.

- "No!" – Ronnie suddenly stretched her arm just in front of her sister stopping her from leaving the chair. – "I need to this on my own." – She added calmly and put her hands on her laps.

- "We`ve been sitting here for more than an hour, she must be alright now" – Roxy was still pushing Ronnie to go inside Danielle`s room. She was clearly fed up with waiting as patience was never one of her qualities.

- "Who did you leave Amy with?" – Ronnie changed subject as the thought of going back to that room was scaring her.

- "Christian, Jack`s in the club, sorting out the mess" – Roxy spoke as she dug her hand in her bag "He mentioned something that he needs you in there" – She carried on as she pulled a lipstick from the back and pressed it against her lips.

- "Did he..., hmm?" – Ronnie whispered to herself thinking that all Jack cared about was the club. He needed her in the club? The club? How could she think about the club right now, when there was only one thing occupying every single space in her mind. Jack didn`t even have a decency to phone and ask about her or Danielle.

- "Oi, Slater! That`s for you, from Charlie." – Roxy threw a plastic bag towards Stacy as she passed them without a word on her way to Danielle`s room.

- "What are you doing?" – Ronnie jumped from the chair as she saw Stacy entering Danielle`s room.

- "What does it look like? I`m going in." – Stacy barked back at Ronnie.

- "When I left Danielle was sleeping." – She tried to stop her. If Danielle was still in the same state that Ronnie left her, Stacy would blame her again. It`s not that it would change anything, Ronnie couldn`t feel more guilty then she already did, but now any remainder of what had happened in R&R would just make the whole situation even worse.

- "Well..., she`s awake now." – Stacy replied as she pushed the door and went inside.

- "You want me to get rid of her?" – Roxy turned to her sister with a sinister look on her face.

- "No Rox. She`s Danielle`s friend. She has a right to be here with her" – Ronnie answered peeping through the window of Danielle`s room trying to work out what was happening inside.

- "You`re her mum. You have a right to be with her." – Roxy left the chair and approached Ronnie gently squeezing her shoulder to boost her confidence.

- "Have you got anything for me?" – Ronnie smiled at her looking at the bag tucked under Roxy`s chair.

- "Oh yeah! Here! – Roxy pulled the chair from the wall and picked up a black plastic bag.

- "Well, I`ll go get changed." – Ronnie put her hand inside the bag and moved it around. – "And you don`t get anywhere near that room." – She pointed her finger towards Roxy as she walked away.

Danielle was sitting on her bed poking her fingers in the bandages covering her arm. She was thinking about the day when she decided to find her real mum. She smiled to herself at the memory of how naive she was then, she could still feel that excitement and remember all those hopes she had when got on the train to Walfard. All of this was now a distant memory. The last few months she spent in Walfard gave her more disappointment and pain that she experienced in her all life. Everything she touched seemed to fall into disaster. From the day she put her foot on the Albert Square everything was slowly crashing around her. From countless attempts to deserve Ronnie`s love, through a drunken ordeal during which her innocence was ripped from her by a man she barely knew, to the most difficult decision she ever had to make and which proved to be the biggest mistake of her life, the abortion. Danielle wiped a tear that formed in her eye and lifted her head as she heard the footsteps and saw a familiar face as the door opened.

- "How you feeling?" – Stacy came in and sat on the chair opposite her.

- "I`m fine. Just my arm hurts a bit and these bandages are really annoying." – Danielle pointed at her head and relaxed a bit on the bed putting a pillow underneath her broken arm.

- "You look fab though." – Stacy smiled gently moving away from the chair to the bed next to Danielle.

- "Have you seen Gareth" – Danielle asked quietly returning the smile.

- "Yeah, he`s outside" – Stacy replied and moved a bit closer. "Listen Dan! I`m really sorry I... I wasn`t there when you needed me" – The smile from her face vanished and now she looked serious and concerned.

- "It`s not your fault Stace. It`s my fault. I shouldn`t have come here" – Danielle sank her head and took a deep, slow breath.

- "No don`t say that. It... It was an accident. You haven`t done anything wrong." – Stacy was desperately trying to get through to Danielle.

- "I was so stupid. What was I thinking?" – Danielle turned to her friend with a tear appearing in her eye.

- "Everything`s gonna be fine Dan. I`ll help you. I`ll do whatever you want. Just tell me"– Stacy touched Danielle`s shoulder trying her best to comfort her friend.

- "I want... I want to go home" – Her voice was quiet and her eyes were glued to the floor.

- "You mean Telford?" – Stacy knew straight away what Danielle meant, that she wasn`t talking about the house where she spent the last few months. Her question was just a desperate attempt to push away what she knew was inevitable.

- "Gareth needs me. I disappointed my dad I can`t disappoint my brother. I need to help him with the fu... I need to help him" – Danielle said with a confidence and bravely looked at Stacy.

- "But you will come back right?" – It was a whisper that left Stacy`s mouth. It was full of fear and hope at the same time. She knew that Danielle needed time that maybe going home was a right thing for her but still Stacy couldn`t help to think that she was losing her best friend.

- "How are you feeling Danielle?" – Danielle wasn`t given a chance to say anything as a male voice reached them from the door. - "My name is Doctor Allen and I`ve been treating you" – He smiled approaching Danielle.

- "I`m fine" – Danielle replied meekly.

- "I`ll wait outside" – Stacy stood up to give Danielle some space as the doctor stood opposite her.

- "I`m going to remove the bandages and take a look at your head" – The doctor carried on after Stacy left the room.

- "How long am I gonna stay here?" – Danielle asked as the bandages slowly left her head.

- "Well, your breathing is normal now, and your head looks absolutely fine, you`ve got few scratches but there is no need for the bandages anymore." – Doctor Allen spoke as he investigated Danielle`s head. - "We will keep you over the night and check on you in the morning. If your breathing remains normal than I don`t see any reason why you shouldn`t go home tomorrow afternoon. You will still feel pain in your chest and arm but you`ll get painkillers for that. It`s very important that you take a lot of rest and don`t put any pressure on your lungs or arm for the next few weeks. But I will have a word with your mum about this." – He looked at Danielle giving her a reassuring smile.

- "My brother!" – Danielle said quietly and immediately turned her eyes away from him.

- "Yes, of course as you wish, you`re brother" – He replied a bit confused and removed his gloves before leaving the room.

Ronnie opened the bathroom door and turned towards Danielle`s room. As she got closer to the long corridor where she spent the last night she spotted her sister chatting with a male nurse. She shook her head thinking that Roxy would never change but at the same time she really loved this laidback character of her sister. She couldn`t remember when was the last time she was like that. They spent so much time together in Ibiza partying, getting drunk, but she knew that all this fun was actually a desperate attempt to fill a big hole in her heart. All these years only proved that no amount of alcohol or men would ever be able to satisfy that one craving. There was only one way, Danielle.

- "Hi Dani!" – Ronnie pushed the door and hesitantly walked towards Danielle`s bed.

- "How are you feeling?" – She asked as she sat opposite her daughter and lowered her head trying to make Danielle look at her.

- "I`m fine. I`m might be able to go home tomorrow." – Danielle replied refusing to meet Ronnie`s eyes.

- "That`s good" – Ronnie relaxed on the chair hurt by Danielle`s reaction.

- "Danielle I know it`s not a good time right now, but there`s something you need to know" – "What I... what I said, what I did to you..." – She sat on the edge of the bed keeping a reasonable distance from her baby.

- "I don`t want to talk about this Ronnie" – Danielle moved away to the head of the bed.

- "But you need to know. I need to explain" – Ronnie stretched her arm trying to reach Danielle`s hand.

- "I don`t want to hear your explanations" – Danielle left the bed and sat on the chair.

- "Danielle I know you`re angry. You have every right to be, but I need to tell you that if I had known I would have never treated you like this. I never meant for any of this to happen. I never wanted to give you away. I`m so sorry I hurt you, I`m so sorry about your dad... I..." – Ronnie carried on.

- "Don`t!" – Danielle didn`t let her finish. "I`ve tried so hard, I wanted it so much, but you`re....You`re not what I was looking for"

- "But I can be" "If you give me a chance, I`ll show you how much you mean to me" – Ronnie moved away from the bed and kneeled opposite Danielle.

- "A chance? You didn`t give me any chance! For so long I tried to get close to you, to make you like me. But you... you don`t like anyone. Everyone is a waste of time for you. No one is ever good enough for Ronnie Mitchell. – Danielle raised her voice and closed her eyes scared of Ronnie being so close to her.

- "Danielle please, I didn`t know. My dad, he lied to me, he said that you died. He forced me to give you away and then he lied" – Ronnie was begging through the tears that formed in her eyes.

- "Still, you believed him" – Danielle finally lifted her head and looked at her mother - "I stood there begging you to believe me and you chose to believe him."

- "I`m sorry, I`m so sorry, baby please, I..." – Ronnie couldn`t think of anything else. There was nothing she could have said to justify her actions, but she had to try she couldn`t let go not when she was so close.

- "What if I wasn`t your daughter Ronnie? What if I was some lost kid, maybe even a bit crazy? Just some lonely kid, looking for someone to love her. Would I still deserve to be treated the way you treated me? Would I still deserve to hear the words you said to me? Would I, Ronnie? – Danielle, however, wasn`t about to give in easily. There were too many doubts, questions in her mind. She didn`t trust Ronnie, she was too scared to get hurt again.

- "No!" – Ronnie answered quietly moving away from the chair. She knew Danielle was right, no one deserved to be treated like that. She sat back on the bed wiping tears away from her eyes.

- "I know I don`t deserve anything from you, but if there is a little, a tiny possibility that you might still want this, than please just let me..." – Ronnie felt her baby slipping away but even though she felt defeated she wanted it too much to let go.

- "I`ve lost my dad Ronnie. I`ve lost him because I made a wrong decision. We were not getting along very well since my mum died but, I loved him and now I will have to stand there watching him lying in the coffin, being put in the grave..." – Danielle stopped her mother terrified that Ronnie was winning her over. She couldn`t let her under her skin, not again.

–"I can`t do this, you... I can`t, not now" – She finished breaking Ronnie`s heart into pieces.


	8. Chapter 8

It`s been quite a while since neither Danielle nor Ronnie said anything. Danielle was sitting on the bed quietly with her eyes glued to the floor. Ronnie was standing by the window with her back turned towards the bed, hiding her tears away from her daughter and nervously plying with her locket.

- "Do you want me to leave Danielle?" – Ronnie almost choked as she spoke these words breaking the silence, but she had to know. She had to suppress her own feelings and do what`s best for Danielle even if it meant walking away, hoping that one day it would pay off and she would earn her daughter`s forgiveness.

- "I don`t know." – Danielle`s eyes didn`t leave the floor since the last words she spoke. Ronnie`s mixed signals in the past few months managed to confuse her so much that now she doubted even her own feelings. Nothing was certain anymore. She didn`t want Ronnie to leave, but she didn`t want her to stay either. When she came here everything was clear and organized now everything seemed to be in chaos. Even if Danielle wanted Ronnie in her life right now she didn`t know where to place her. After Lizzie`s death the girl in the locket became everything to her. She was supposed to mend her broken heart, but now Danielle thought that maybe her heart was not mendable. Ronnie she knew was so different from the girl in the locket. She was not kind or carrying, she was distant and cold. She didn`t have the warmth in her eyes only anger and pity. The girl from the locket didn`t exist at least not in the way that Danielle wanted her to. The heartless figure standing by the window was nothing like her. None of the hopes that Danielle created in her mind and hid in the locket materialized in Ronnie. There was one problem though. However hard Danielle tried to deny it, the painful truth was that this girl was Ronnie and what was even more painful, even though Ronnie wasn`t anywhere near the impeccable product of Danielle`s imagination, she still loved her, very much.

- "I will give you time Danielle. I won`t push you. I promise" – Ronnie turned away from the window and looked at the lifeless posture of her daughter. – "I just... I just want you to know that if you ever change your mind I`ll be waiting for you." – She made her way towards the bed as Danielle lifted her head.

- "I will always want you Danielle, always." – She took Danielle`s hand into hers and placed a shiny locket on her open palm. She brushed over Danielle`s fingers for a while before letting them wrap tightly around the chain.

- "Dani? You`re awake." – A familiar voice came from the door echoing inside the room.

- "This Walford is weird. There is a blond woman sitting outside and I could swear she winked at me." –Gareth said with a hint of embarrassment in his voice.

- "I`m sorry, but the visiting hours finished five minutes ago. I`m afraid you will have to leave." – The nurse looked inside the room through the half open door.

- "Just few more minutes please" – Gareth turned towards the door giving her a begging smile.

- "I`ll see you tomorrow sweetie" – Ronnie turned to Danielle gently touching her cheek. –"Always" – She whispered to her ear before making her way to the door. She wanted to make sure that this one word would remain with Danielle, that it would leave an imprint in her mind.

- "I had a word with your doctor. He said you can go home tomorrow" – Gareth spoke as he sat on the chair opposite the bed. - "Dani, I know it`s not gonna be easy, but we will get through this together. The most important now is that you get well soon. I will take care of you, I promise." – He put his hand over Danielle`s as she looked at him.

- "I know that GG" – She spoke gently as she put the locket under the pillow and squeezed his hand.

- "No one called me that since you left."

- "You never liked it anyway" – Danielle shook her head from side to side as her hair was getting into her eyes.

- "I did I just liked teasing you" – Gareth sat on the bed next to her. - "I really missed you Danielle" – He turned to his sister giving her a weak smile.

- "I missed you too GG" – Danielle smiled back and put her head on his shoulder.

- "Everything`s gonna be ok." – He added placing a small kiss on the top of her head.

- "I`m really sorry, but It`s already way past the visiting hours and Danielle needs to rest" – The nurse peeped through the door again this time making Gareth jump from the bed.

- "I have to go now Dani. I`m staying in a small B&B not far from here. I`ll see tomorrow, first thing in the morning." – Gareth took his jacket from the chair and touched Danielle`s chin. – "Try to get some sleep".

Ronnie, Roxy and Stacy left the taxi as it pulled out outside the Vic. The whole journey back to the Square was relatively quiet. Stacy was too worn out to pick up a fight with the Mitchell sisters or maybe she was just burying the hatchet for Danielle`s sake. She knew that regardless of her disdain for the Mitchells her best friend was one of them and even thought she disliked the blood running through her veins, Danielle managed to enter her life in a way that no one ever did before and she never wanted her to leave.

- "I`ll see you in the Vic Rox" – Ronnie closed the taxi door behind her and turned her eyes towards Stacy which was a signal for Roxy that she wanted to have a word with her in private.

- "Yeah, alright, see you in a bit" – Roxy turned around and made her way towards the pub.

- "Stacy! Did Danielle say anything about her plans. I mean what she wants to do." – Ronnie`s voice reached Stacy as she was walking away from the taxi.

- "Why don`t you ask her yourself?" – Stacy shook her head indifferently.

- "She... she doesn`t want to talk." – Ronnie`s voice became sad and quiet. - "Please Stacy I need to know" – Ronnie grabbed Stacy`s shoulder making her turn around.

- "She`s going home now, to Telford. What she will do after the funeral I don`t know. She didn`t tell me." – Stacy sat on Arthur`s bench wrapping her arms around her waist.

- "You didn`t ask her?" – Ronnie pushed desperate to get some answers.

- "I tried but this doctor came in. Besides Ronnie she just lost her dad, she will need time" – Stacy was trying to get over and done with her questions as talking to her still felt a bit weird.

- "Of course, you`re right" – Ronnie sat next to her. "It`s just that she`s my daughter and I know so little about her" – Her eyes were staring blankly into the space in front of them. - "I just don`t know what to do. She keeps pushing me away. I try but she doesn`t even want to hear me out" – She placed her elbows on her laps and buried her head in her hands.

- "Can you blame her?" – Stacy shook her shoulders turning her head away from Ronnie.

-"No! I know it`s my fault, but what should I do Stace" – Ronnie lifted her head.

-"That`s a new Ronnie Mitchell is asking me for advice" – Stacy chuckled to herself.

-"I`m really glad you`re enjoying this, but can we concentrate on Danielle now? " – Ronnie snapped back to her comment.

-"Look Ronnie. Did Dan tell you to leave?" – Stacy dropped her shield, placed her arms on her laps and turned her whole body towards Ronnie.

-"No! Not really." – Ronnie shook her head from side to side confused.

-"Did she tell Gareth what had happened between you and her at the engagement party?" – Stacy carried on.

-"No! She didn`t." – She replied even more confused thinking where Stacy was going with this.

-"Well, she could have. Look she does love you, God knows why, but she does. She just won`t make it easy for you, I guess." – She finished before leaving the bench.

-"So what should I do?" – Ronnie whispered.

-"If you really, really want her, fight for her even if it means fighting with her." – Stacy looked at Ronnie straight in the eyes and gave her a smile. It was a very weak smile but it was also a most genuine one Ronnie has ever seen.

It was almost midnight, the sky was clear except for tiny drops of rain which felt refreshing on Ronnie`s face. She didn`t leave the bench since last few hours. Stacy`s words kept ringing in her ears, _fight for her_. Ronnie was thinking about every conversation she had with Danielle. She tried to figure out what to do next, how she should approach Danielle to win her over. Ronnie knew that she was being selfish. Danielle has just lost her dead and she needed time to grieve, but Ronnie couldn`t stop feeling jealous of her dad, Gareth, Stacy, anyone who was in her life. Ronnie wanted to be everything to her, she didn`t want to share Danielle`s love with anyone else. She wanted to be in every beat of her heart in every breath she took just like she was in hers.

- "Ronnie? Ron, you`re ok?" – Jack`s voice appeared from nowhere – "Ron it`s really late. How long you`ve been sitting here? – He stopped just opposite her.

- "Ronnie!" – He placed his hand on Ronnie`s shoulder to make her notice him.

- "What! Jack! If it`s about the club now it`s not a good time." – Ronnie looked at his hand on her shoulder.

- "No it`s not about the club. It`s about you." – He answered calmly removing his hand as his attempt to comfort her was clearly not welcomed. - "I know what happened from Roxy. How is she? How is Danielle?" – He asked sitting on the bench next to Ronnie.

- "She`s fine!" – She answered coldly and left the bench turning towards the Vic.

- "Ron! If you need anything, anything, just tell me." – Jack shouted in her direction but she didn`t turn around or say anything. It was obvious that he couldn`t help her, no one could.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Hi guys! Thanks a lot for your reviews I really appreciate all of them. I would like to give special thanks to Karen from Ireland as she reviewed every single chapter of my story. All of you seem to like the way I see Gareth in this story, what makes me really happy as there is a very important reason why he`s there. I am also planning to bring in other characters that did not appear on EE, as I think their presence is essential to R&D relationship. **_

Danielle tossed and turned nervously on the bed. There were so many things on her mind. She still couldn`t understand how something that was supposed to be so beautiful could have gone so wrong. She was trying to find it within herself, something evil, something that would convince her that she deserved all this. Maybe she did something bad and now she was being punished. The loss of her mum and now dad, Ronnie`s rejection, maybe there was something repulsive in her that would eventually push everyone away. She was trying to figure out when her bad fortune started, what caused this destructive whirl that seemed to suck in everyone she loved. She stretched her arm towards her head to adjust the pillow and she felt it. The locket was still there where she left it. She pulled it from under the pillow and opened it. It was the first time she looked at it since the night in R&R, the night of the accident. She brushed her fingers over Ronnie`s picture and suddenly everything became clear. The locket, maybe her having it was wrong, maybe it would have been better if she never got it if she never knew. Maybe she was never meant to find Ronnie. Maybe this all was a consequence of her betrayal, because she let Ronnie in her heart. She left her dad and her brother, people who loved her to search of unknown, a dream that turned into a nightmare. Danielle felt tears coming to her eyes, the uncontrollable urge to scream, the overpowering need to grab her heart and rip it out and with it all her feelings, but instead she stretched her arm and clenched her teeth to force her palm to open. One swing of an arm and everything would be over, she would free herself from this pain and from this yearning. But regardless of how hard she tried her fist refused to obey, she couldn`t release the locket from her hand. Instead she pressed her hand to her chest, curled up on the bed and cried her eyes out cursing the power Ronnie had over her and cursing her own weakness.

Ronnie was lying alone on the couch denying herself her sister`s warmth. She didn`t want to feel the comfort of anyone`s touch, not until Danielle was alone in the cold hospital bed. Ronnie`s eyes were open as the thoughts of her baby were persistently crowding her mind. The whirlpool in her head bringing up the images of Danielle, her tears, her words, her scent wouldn`t slow down and let the sleep take over. It felt good thought, she believed that this mental torture would bring her closer to her baby, maybe in that way she wouldn`t be alone. This was a promise Ronnie made to herself, Danielle lost both of her adoptive parents and now Ronnie was determined to make sure that her daughter never felt alone. She thought that if she could keep that promise maybe they could have a future together and she could have so much more than just a memory of two hours and twenty three minutes which she was desperately trying to hold on to for the last 19 years. Ronnie brushed her palms over her face as she felt moisture forming in the corners of her eyes.

- "Ronnie? Ron, what are you doing on the couch? Why didn`t you come to bed?" – Roxy opened the living room door adjusting her gown.

- "It was late. I didn`t want to wake Amy" – Ronnie replied as she pushed away the blanket and sat on the edge of the couch.

- "I`ll make you some breakfast" – Roxy sat next to her sister and gently stroked her shoulder.

- "No I`m fine. I`ll just take a shower and change my clothes. I need to go back to hospital" – Ronnie left the couch and made her way to the door.

- "Hold on! What about Danielle? Did you speak to her? What did she say?" – Roxy blocked the way out.

- "She didn`t say much. Gareth`s taking her back home today."

- "So what are you going to do?"

- "I... I`m going to take a shower" – Ronnie replied calmly as she squeezed herself between Roxy and the door frame, still not wanting to share her pain with anyone else.

- "Ronnie! I`m sorry about Danielle." - Phil placed his hand on her shoulder as he passed both of them on the way to the kitchen. - "Ah, and don`t worry about Archie, it`s sorted." – He added before leaving both of them.

- "What`s that mean?" – Roxy followed him to the kitchen as Ronnie shook her shoulders indifferently and turned towards the bathroom.

- "It means sorted. That`s all you need to know." – He sat by the table and opened a newspaper.

- "When`s Aunty Peg`s coming back?" – Roxy turned to the fridge and took out a carton with eggs.

- "The later, the better" – Phil answered not taking his eyes of the motorist`s column.

It was almost nine in the morning. Gareth was on the way to hospital trying to collect his thoughts. He was glad that Danielle was ok and she was going home with him, but at the same time he feared going back. As long as he was here he didn`t have to think how to deal with their loss but going back home meant that he would have to face the reality and that made him doubt his ability to stay strong. There was one more thing that kept nagging him. He needed Danielle in Telford, but what if she wanted to be with Ronnie, after all they were a mother and a daughter and it looked like they managed to build a relationship over the past few months.

- "Hi Dani!" – Gareth pushed the door open and went inside. - "Did you get some sleep?" – He asked sitting on the bed next to his sister.

- "Some" – She smiled and brushed over her sleepy eyes.

- "Good. So you`re ready to go home then?"

- "Yeah, I think so."

- "Have you seen Doctor Allen today?" – He asked moving nervously on the bed.

- "Yeah! He checked on me in the morning. He said that everything`s fine and I`m good to go home" – Danielle replied relaxing.

- "That`s really good. Stacy`s gonna bring some of your things so you can get changed before we leave" – Gareth finally managed to settle himself in a comfortable position.

- "What about Ronnie?" – Danielle asked meekly scared to get disappointed. Even thought she was still angry with Ronnie, she wanted to see her.

- "She`s coming too. I think Stacy`s uncle is bringing both of them."

Danielle and Gareth were sitting on the bed chatting about her friendship with Stacy and other people she met on Albert Square. She didn`t say much about Ronnie and Gareth didn`t push her to. It was easier not to talk about her relationship with Ronnie as he was scared that Danielle would leave him and he would lose her just like he lost both of his parents. It`s not that he wanted to keep her close to him forever but right now he needed her more than ever. As they were talking Doctor Allen came to discuss with Gareth Danielle`s condition and advice him on the precautions that needed to be taken in order to speed up her recovery.

- "Dan! I couldn`t wait to see you" – Stacy burst through the door quietly followed by Ronnie.

- "Hi." – Danielle lifted her head and gently smiled as she saw Ronnie.

- "How you`re feeling?" – Ronnie sat on the chair opposite the bed and gently touched Danielle`s hand.

- "I`m fine" – She replied feeling content with Ronnie`s hand over hers.

- "Did you sleep well" – Ronnie asked wanting to make sure that Danielle had everything she needed.

- "Yes I...I did" – Danielle replied meeting Ronnie`s eyes. Her heart melted at the warmth she saw in them.

- "I`m sorry but we will have to leave soon. It`s gonna take us time to get there and the motorway is usually busy in the afternoon." – Gareth jumped from the bed - "Stacy why don`t you help Danielle get changed, while me and Ronnie wait outside." – He added turning towards Stacy.

- "I`ll see you in a bit sweetie" – Ronnie left the chair brushing her thumb against Danielle`s cheek. She made her way outside the room followed by Gareth and leant against the wall next to the door.

- "You know, when I was falling asleep last night I hoped to wake up this morning and find all this to be just a bad dream" – Gareth let his back rest against the wall next to Ronnie.

- "I know what you mean" – Ronnie gently touched his shoulder.

- "I spoke to my family yesterday. Telling them about dad was the worst part. They couldn`t believe." – He took a deep breath trying to force back the tears forming in his eyes. – "Anyway, my uncle, mum`s brother he`s taking care of the funeral." – He carried on trying to feel as detached as possible.

- "When?" – Ronnie asked wrapping her arms around her waist.

- "Day after tomorrow. I just hope I will be strong for Danielle I know she will be" – Gareth meekly smiled to himself - "She must take it after you, you seem so strong." – He turned to Ronnie.

- "You would be surprised" – She closed her eyes thinking of how insecure and weak she felt right now.

- "I know it`s gonna take time. I just want her to be ok. I mean it`s not only dad I think there`s something else troubling her." – He was moving his eyes from side to side to find some indication that Ronnie knew what he was talking about - "Well, it`s probably just me." – He finished before she could respond.

- "Ronnie, you don`t have to, but I think Danielle would like you to come to the funeral" – Gareth asked with a hint of hesitation in his voice.

- "Of course. I want to be there too." – Ronnie replied leaving the wall at the sudden movement of the door of Danielle`s room.

- "We`re ready" – Stacy left the room with her arm wrapped around Danielle`s shoulders.

Gareth was putting the luggage into the boot, while Stacy and Ronnie safely escorted Danielle to the back seat of the car. Ronnie couldn't take her eyes of Danielle, she wanted to remember every millimetre of her face, to save in her mind her baby`s scent. It was so difficult to let go, but she knew she had to do it for Danielle. She had to be patient and let Danielle dictate the conditions.

- "I`m gonna miss you Dan. Take care of yourself, yeah." – Stacy wrapped her arms around Danielle giving her friend a big kiss on the cheek.

- "I`ll miss you too Stace" – Danielle replied realising Stacy from her grip who moved away from the car.

- "I`ll see you very soon baby." – Ronnie kneeled in front of Danielle placing her hands on her baby`s laps. She wanted to say much more than that. She wanted to tell Danielle how much she loved her, but she was too scared to be rejected. As she moved to stand up Danielle grabbed her hand and tightly squeezed in hers. This was enough for Ronnie, this was the sign she was waiting for and she couldn`t control he feelings anymore. She responded to Danielle`s gesture by wrapping her arms around her baby and pressing her head to her chest. She gently kissed top of Danielle`s head and whispered – "Everything`s gonna be ok baby, I promise" – This was the moment that Ronnie long for so long. After so many years she finally knew how it felt to be a mother.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Hi guys I am really angry at what I read on EE website. I know that **_**_Diederick Santer is planning to bring Joel Reynolds to the square. Well, to be honest I don`t mind the idea it`s the timing I have a problem with as it disturbs what I planned for my story .As I said from the beginning I already know where I want to take my story. I have planned quite a lot ahead. I was actually going to bring Joel into my fic a bit later but taking into account Santer`s decission I am forced to let you know about that now. I have a clear idea of what kind of character he would be and well, now I don`t know if I should carry on with my plan, simply because Joel from EE may turn to be nothing like my Joel. I just think that there is a lack of a nice honest, charming guy on the square and my intention was to bring one into my fic.I know Joel`s first appearance is on the 6__th__ of August and I don`t know if I manage to bring him into my story before that. I have to say that I am honestly lost as I wanted my characters to be in sync with those from the show. Please let me know what you think! Should I carry on with my plans? I`m looking forward to your opinions._**

**_Anyway, Enjoy another chapter!_**

After Danielle and Gareth left to Telford Ronnie made her way straight to the club. She was planning her day; orders, deliveries, the stock anything to keep herself busy and to keep her mind of Danielle. As she passed her flat and looked at the bike parked nearby, she could feel her legs turning towards it, her hands itching to wrap themselves around the handles. _No!_ She said to herself, _you need to be patient! _This was so hard. Ronnie Mitchell, the control freak, she didn`t know how to be patient, but now this was the new skill she had to master, fast.

- "Don`t you think you`ve got a bit too much in there?" – Jack looked at Ronnie`s desk which was packed with piles of documents. - "Ron you don`t have to do this. I mean if you want to take a day off I`m absolutely fine with it." – He reached and grabbed a file from Ronnie`s hand as she ignored his question.

- "No Jack! I`m fine" – Ronnie picked up another file and carried on reading.

- "You don`t look fine besides I`ve already gone through these orders." – Jack manage to fit himself between the papers on the edge of Ronnie`s desk.

- "I said I`m fine, I`m just a little bit distracted, that`s all." – Ronnie replied as she put down the documents and opened a draw to look for some more.

- "That`s what I mean. Listen why don`t you go home, take some rest." – He gently touched her hand.

- "I don`t want to go home and I don`t want to take rest." – She shouted annoyed with his persistence and moved her hand away from his.

- "Ok, relax. Maybe we can go out for a while then, I don`t know go to the Vic, grab a drink or have something to eat." – Jack stood up from the desk and lifted his arms up trying to assure her that he didn`t mean to anger her.

- "God Jack. I can`t believe you. Every time is right for Jack Branning, isn`t it." – Ronnie violently pushed the chair away from the desk and made her way towards the door.

- "No, it`s not like that. I`m not coming on to you Ron. I just want to help you" – Jack stopped her before she left by pulling her arm.

- "You can`t help me Jack." – Ronnie looked at his hand wrapped around her wrist and angrily released herself from his grip. – "You can`t give me what I want" – She said firmly and left.

Ronnie rested her back against the wall outside R&R and took a deep breath. She couldn`t stand everyone fussing around her. She just wanted to be left alone, to get through those two days as quickly as possible and see her baby again. She wished she could just lie down, fall asleep and wake up the day after tomorrow, hide in the world of dreams, but even those were ruled by Danielle. Ronnie took a phone from her pocket and scrolled down through the contact list. She touched the calling button when Danielle`s name came up and pressed the phone close to her ear.

- "Danielle? Hi it`s Ronnie." – A big smile immediately appeared on her face. The anger was gone and now her heart was filled with pure love. Danielle`s voice was like the most beautiful music to Ronnie`s ears.

- "Hi Ronnie" – Danielle replied quietly in a shaking tone.

- "How you`re feeling? How was the journey?" – Ronnie tried to be casual as she could feel the tension in Danielle`s voice. After all that happen Ronnie was still making Danielle nervous even if they were miles away.

- "Fine" – She replied coldly.

- "That`s good,... I...um" – Ronnie was a bit taken aback by Danielle`s reservation, but still carried on as normal as possible.

- "Listen Ronnie if that`s all I have to go, my family`s here" – Danielle interrupted before she finished.

- "Yes of course I understand. I`ll speak to you soon" – Ronnie replied cheerfully not wanting to push her daughter too much, but inside she was craving for much more than just these few words.

- "I miss you, so much!" – Ronnie pressed the phone to her chest and whispered to herself.

She was standing glued to the wall thinking what to do with the rest of the day. This small encounter with Danielle made her feel a bit content, but she knew that it was only a matter of time before this hunger would kick in again. The club was not an option as Jack had already ruined her plan for the day. She thought that even now he still wanted everything to be about him. Jack Branning, the alpha male on the Albert Square. The ultimate sex god, the best looking chunk hunk, the smart pants of the earth, whatever it was he had to be it. A master in the art of ego massaging. Tanya Branning, Roxy Slater, Ronnie Mitchell all of them were only mere tools on the way to his self-satisfaction. Ronnie couldn`t even remember why she gave in to him. Maybe because she was weak, hurt, desperate to find something to fill the hole in her heart and he was more than willing. He was there, hunting her for so long like a prey until she finally let him have her. Was that love, was that what love was supposed to feel like? Dangerous battle for domination as oppose to the soothing submission, constant necessity to be prepared for another stub of his infidelity instead of getting lost in the depths of emotional security. Even if she was just fooling herself this was the only love she knew, but only till that day. That day in R&R when the locket hanging around her neck was finally found by its match. That one day changed everything. Jack Branning had to prepare himself for defeat as the place he wanted to occupy in Ronnie Mitchell`s heart belonged to someone else.

Ronnie was upstairs in the Vic, where she spent last hour taking care of Amy as Roxy went to take a shower. She was sitting on the couch cuddling Amy when it hit her, the familiar scent coming from the hallway.

- "Danielle" – She whispered to herself as she left the couch and rushed towards the door.

- "If you`re so desperate to use the toilet you should have just told me." – Roxy froze as her sister almost collided with her by the bathroom door.

- "What`s that smell?" – Ronnie asked calmly placing Amy in Roxy`s arms.

- "Oh, it`s this new shampoo, coconut. I`ve run out so I had to get one from Trumeans` shop. You don`t like it?" – Roxy asked placing a gentle kiss on Amy`s head.

- "I love it" – Ronnie answered back and took her coat from the hanger.

- "Listen Ron. I was thinking, maybe you should stay here tonight." – Roxy suggested as she knew that Ronnie was about to leave.

- "No! I`m fine in the flat" – Ronnie wrapped herself in the coat and corrected the collar.

- "No Ronnie, there is no way you`re staying on your own" – Roxy opposed pointing her finger towards her sister.

- "Will you all stop, I`m not a retard, I can take care of myself" – Ronnie shouted back passing Roxy on her way down the stairs.

Ronnie was aimlessly wandering on the square. She knew its every corner, every street, but somehow today it felt differently. She couldn`t understand how everything around her carried on like nothing happened when her life stopped. She was passing the stall, the swings, Arthur`s bench over and over again. On any other day these would only be objects that she wouldn`t even notice. But today they were things that Danielle touched, the things that were granted the warmth of her fingers. It pained Ronnie to think that these simple objects shared more moments with her daughter then her. Every inch of the pavement had Danielle`s name on it. Ronnie finally made up her mind and turned towards the shop. As she walked inside she went straight to the section with toiletries and turned her eyes towards the shelf with shampoos.

- "Oh mum please, can we take this one too" – Abi Branning turned her begging face towards her mum holding a bottle of coke in her hand.

- "No way. It`s like bathing your teeth in sugar and acid. I think we will pass on this luxury. Why don`t you take the juice" – Tanya replied to her daughter and pointed towards the cooler.

- "It breaks my heart to say no, but you need to do what`s best for them." – She smiled at Heather taking her purse out from her bag.

- "That`s what mums do" – Heather smiled back putting the groceries into the plastic bag.

_You need to do what`s best for them. That`s what mums do. _Ronnie repeated these words thousand times on her way back to the flat. She was a mum, not any mum, Danielle`s mum. She carried this angel for nine months under her heart. Danielle was really hers and she was perfect. Ronnie sat on the couch in the living room and let herself relax. She felt that her restless heart finally calmed down, she took a bottle of coconut shampoo from a plastic bag in her hand and breathed the beautiful scent of the bottles content. _In time,_ she whispered to herself, _It`s best for her_.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Hi guys Thanks a lot for your reviews I`m always looking forward to reading them. Thanks a lot for your opinions about Joel as well. They really helped me a lot. I hope you will like the next chapter.**_

Danielle brushed her fingers over a rough texture of the picture. Her mind got lost for a moment trying to remind her when it was taken. Even though the edges of the picture turned yellow it couldn`t have been long time ago. Her mum was wearing red scarf on her head covering the side effects of chemotherapy and dad was showing off with his brand new set of barbecue tools, which was still in the garage almost untouched. It must have been that party, two years ago, just before Lizzie was taken to hospital, she thought. Danielle could feel tears forming in her eyes at the memory of the last day her mum spent in this house. The pain over the loss was still there and in the place once covered by a scar formed a new fresh wound. She placed her other hand on her chest and felt the locket under her fingers. She was standing in her bedroom with one hand resting on the picture of her parents attached to the wall and with the other hand tightly wrapped around the locket. Danielle felt lost and confused, like these two things could never coexist, like these two feelings, even though both present in her heart were constantly fighting for domination and this fight would eventually kill the last beat of her already shattered heart. Danielle wished she could just command her heart to close off, that she could just press a button and switch off those feelings. But even if she could, she wouldn`t know which one to let go off? She was standing there like a statue unable to move any of her hands. Finally she forced her fingers to move, all ten of them obediently left both the picture and the locket at the same time. Danielle made her way towards the bed and sat on its edge. She unhooked the locket and firmly pressed it to her lips. _Always_, the kiss broke through the cold, golden surface of the locket and set free the word which Ronnie hid inside it. Danielle wiped away the tears from her eyes and placed the locket in the draw of the bedside table. She then pushed the draw making sure it wasn`t closed completely. This small gap was there to serve as a passage, she had to know that whenever this one word decided to leave the locket again it would find a way to reach her.

- "Dani, I`m coming in. – The voice from the hallway soon followed a gentle knock on Danielle`s bedroom door. - "You`re awake, that`s good. I made some breakfast. It`s nothing special but why don`t you join me." – Gareth smiled at his sister peeping through a small gap between the door and the frame.

- "I`ll be down in a minute." – Danielle replied correcting pillows on the bed.

- "Can I offer you some dry scrambled eggs?" – Gareth bit his upper lip with a hint of embarrassment in his voice as he took some yellow dry substance of the frying pan and placed it on the plate opposite Danielle.

- "You should take it of the heat just before it`s done" – Danielle calmly lectured her brother taking a seat by the table.

- "Well next time you`re making it, smarty-pants" - Gareth grinned smacking Danielle`s nose with a toast.

- "Oi" - Danielle moved her head away trying to avoid collision with a toast but she was too late. – "You don`t have to be smart. It`s common knowledge" - She pressed a tissue to her nose to remove the butter from it.

- "I didn`t even ask you about Katie. How is she? You were planning your wedding this summer." – Danielle was poking the plate with a fork trying to remove eggshells from it.

- "She`s alright, she`s coming tomorrow with her parents. And the wedding can wait, there`s no rush." – Gareth reached out to hold Danielle`s plate as every movement of the fork pushed it more and more away from her.

- "You know Katie`s elder sister, she`s just had a baby boy" – Gareth smiled meekly to himself - "It`s strange how things around you seem to carry on when you feel that your life stopped." – The weak smile on his face was quickly replaced by sadness.

- "I know" – Danielle replied giving him a sympathetic smile.

- "Anyway, they called him Jonathan, after Katie`s father" – He carried on.

- "He must be pleased" – Danielle replied placing her hand on her stomach at the memory of a life that was growing there not so long ago.

- "Dani, I...I know about... When dad went to see you in Walford, I know why and I know what you...you... did" – Gareth touched Danielle`s hand as her gesture didn`t go amiss.

- "GG... I..." – Danielle moved her hand away embarrassed at her brother`s revelation.

- "No...Dani! I...I`m not judging you. I know it was your decision. I guess, I just wish things were different" – Gareth stopped her before she managed to finish.

- "Me too"

- "I... I don`t understand. Why Ronnie, why didn`t she stop you? I mean, this would have been her grandchild." – Gareth carried on trying to find out a bit more expecting Danielle to shut off anytime.

- "She didn`t know" – Danielle replied hoping that this what felt like an interrogation would finish soon.

- "She didn`t know about the baby?" – But Gareth wanted to know more.

- "No, She...she didn`t" – Danielle looked down, scared that Gareth would notice her insincerity. It was strange, but even after everything that Ronnie had said to her Danielle felt like she had to protect her. Telling Gareth the truth about the abortion would only lead to more questions and then she wouldn`t be able to keep anything else from him.

- "How come?" – Gareth asked surprised, but before he got an answer the sound of the doorbell interrupted their conversation - "Oh, it`s probably uncle Gerald. He said he would come after breakfast. We`ve got a lot we need to sort out before tomorrow. " – He left the chair and made his way towards the kitchen door.

- "There`s one more thing. I hope you don`t mind but, yesterday after you went upstairs to answer your phone, I asked if he could bring aunt Debbie with him. I thought it would be good if she stayed with you." – He added just before leaving.

- "Oh GG, I don`t need a babysitter. And why her, she`s always fussing over me" – Danielle shouted making sure that she was heard in the hallway.

- "Well, you`re her favourite."

After Gareth left with his uncle Danielle was wandering aimlessly around the house for hours. For some reason it didn`t feel the same. The place where she grew up, where she spent the happiest days of her life and the most horrible ones didn`t feel like home anymore. She looked around only to realise that everything was still the same. The same plants on the windowsills, napkins on the table, even the same hole in the living room carpet that she had burned with an iron. The house was still the same it was her that was different. She looked at the pictures hanging over the fireplace and she couldn`t recognise herself. The happy, innocent girl smiling at her from the wall was gone. It felt like a certain chapter of her life was finished, like she had woken up from a beautiful dream and had been thrown into a nightmare. She was not a sweet, sunny Danielle anymore, but her ghost. Trapped between this house and Walford and never knowing where to turn. She brushed her fingers over the picture of her dad. It terrified her to think that tomorrow she would be saying goodbye to another important person in her life. How many more, she thought, how many more people she was going to lose, how many more times she would have to say goodbye?

- "I can`t believe how more and more similar you are to Lizzie every time I see you." – Aunt Debbie left the kitchen and notice Danielle staring at the family picture hanging on the wall.

- "We both know that`s impossible, don`t we?" – Danielle snapped at her and made her way towards the living room door.

- "Dani, I...!" – Aunt Debbie called after her trying to ease her anger.

- "I`m sorry. I`m sorry aunty Debbie, I didn`t mean to. I just...I need to lie down. I didn`t sleep much last night" – Danielle stopped her shocked by her own words and quickly ran upstairs.

Danielle burst through her bedroom door and collapsed on the bed crying uncontrollably. Suddenly she felt a soft touch on her head. Her heart jumped, it felt familiar, but _it wasn`t possible_ she thought. Danielle slowly turned around to see a big smile on her aunt`s face.

- "I know it`s difficult sweetheart, but we`re all here for you" – Aunt Debbie gently stroked Danielle`s cheek trying to comfort her niece. – "I didn`t mean to upset you, I just think Lizzie would be very proud of you"

- "Can I...can I stay alone please" – Danielle stopped crying ant sat on the side of the bed giving her aunt a smile.

- "Of course Dani, Just come down for dinner in a little while" – Aunt Debbie gently touched Danielle`s hand before leaving the room.

Danielle took the phone out from her pocket and went through the contact list, stopping as soon as Ronnie`s name came up. She moved her finger towards the calling button but she didn`t have the courage to press it, instead she put the phone down and reached out to the draw of the bedside table to take the locket out. She ran her fingers over the picture a few times. It was strange how guilty she felt for bringing Ronnie into this house but at the same time how empty she felt without her. She could feel a tear streaming down her cheek and then saw it landing right in the middle of Ronnie`s picture.

Ronnie wiped a tear away from Danielle`s picture and closed the locket. She left the bed and made her way towards the kitchen to put the kettle on. She took the phone from her pocket and scrolled down through the contacts list. She placed her finger on the calling button when Danielle`s name appeared on the screen but couldn`t press it. She stood frozen resting against kitchen table staring at her phone, not knowing what to do. Finally she went to the text messages and after nervously tapping at the phone`s keyboard, she pressed the send button.

Danielle picked up her phone from the bed and smiled as soon as she saw Ronnie`s name on the screen. She went straight to the text messages and calmly exhaled staring at the screen. _Whenever you need me Danielle, I`m always here. Ronnie x_.


	12. Chapter 12

Ronnie took her foot of the pedal and placed it on the ground. She could feel cold sweat on her back as she walked towards the Jones` house. This was the place where Danielle grew up, where she spoke her first words and took her first step. Ronnie thought of this moment many times, fantasised about coming face to face with her daughter, knocking on her door, the things she would tell her. Of course none of it was the way she imagined. The odd, shy and annoying Stacy Slater`s friend was not some crazy stalker craving for some of Ronnie`s attention but she turned out to be her beautiful baby Amy. The arms that were supposed to bring comfort and protection turned into brutal claws dragging Danielle`s fragile body into the street and finally a mouth that was supposed to whisper the most beautiful words turned into a poison slowly killing every living cell in her body. Ronnie shook her head in disgust at the memory of her actions on the night of the accident. However, as much as she cursed herself for hurting Danielle, swallowing that bitter pill was still better then the most beautiful dream, because it was real. Ronnie made her way towards the door and knocked. She thought that behind this door she would find everything she always dreamed of, answers to all the questions she`s been asking for the last 19 years, including the most important one. Would her and Danielle have a future together? Would her daughter forgive her? Would Danielle still have that fire burning in her eyes and even if it turned into a tiny and fragile flame would Ronnie be able to break through a cold icy shield she herself had encouraged to form and make this flame glow again? Would she be able to erase all the horrible things she had said from Danielle`s mind and fill it with tenderness and promises she would never break? Maybe there was a hope. She already gave up her cold distant exterior that she solicitously nursed over the years. Maybe there was a chance that under this robotic, steel surface Danielle would notice a human beating heart. After all Ronnie was her mother. She didn`t become one when she found Danielle`s locket, she didn`t become one when Danielle left the hospital and Ronnie held her in her arms for the first time. Ronnie Mitchell became a mother 19 years ago and has been ever since, a mother without a child.

- "Ronnie?" – Gareth smiled surprised after opening the door.

- "Hi, I`m not too early, am I?" – Ronnie smiled back gently nervously squeezing the helmet in her hands.

- "No, of course not. It`s just that I was actually expecting to see Stacy and Charlie as well." – He was looking behind her trying to spot two other figures.

- "Well, bikes are much quicker than cars especially on the motorway." – Ronnie smiled letting herself relax a bit.

- "Bike?" – Gareth turned his eyes towards a heavy, bulky vehicle parked on the driveway - "Oh I didn`t expect that. Anyway come in, please." – He opened the door much wider giving Ronnie space to come inside.

- "Make yourself at home" – He pointed towards the double glass door encouraging Ronnie to go into the living room.

Ronnie turned towards the living room followed by Gareth. As she walked in she noticed dots and lines on the door frame with little Gs and Ds scribbled next to them. Her eyes then turned towards the walls attentively scanning every picture. The happiness in big hazel eyes was staring back at her from every single one of them. Almost twenty years, a big chunk of Ronnie`s life, all Danielle`s life proudly displayed on the wall just in front of her mother`s eyes. From when Danielle was a baby to her recent teenage years, all of them gone, lost forever.

- "Danielle was about eight then." – Gareth pushed the door on his way out from the kitchen and noticed Ronnie`s eyes locked on one particular picture she picked up from the fire place. It was a picture of Danielle wearing her locket. - "Here!" – He gave Ronnie a glass of orange juice.

- "Thank you." – Ronnie put the picture on the fireplace and turned towards Gareth - "So, how...how you`re coping?" – She asked quietly.

- "I don`t know really. I try so hard to stay calm, especially in front of Danielle. I want to act as normal as possible. I even smacked her with a toast yesterday. But as soon as I got into my uncle`s car I broke down and started to cry" – He brushed his hand over his hear and sat on the edge of the dining table.

- "I`m really sorry Gareth" – Ronnie placed her hand on top of his glancing at the door hoping to see blond figure walking through it anytime. - "Where`s Danielle?" – She finally asked breaking uncomfortable silence.

- "Oh she`s um. She`s out. She was wandering around the house like a ghost since morning. I thought it would be good if she went for a walk. Knowing her she`s probably just round the corner on the playground."

- "Do you mind if I go to her?" – Ronnie put the glass on the table.

- "No! Of course not. Go on. I still have a few things to do myself before everyone arrives" – Gareth left the table and followed Ronnie to the hallway.

- "Oh sorry. Did I do it? I didn`t mean to" – Ronnie uttered confused holding a spindle, that she unintentionally pulled from the banister when she placed her rucksack on the bottom of the staircase.

- "Oh don`t worry. It`s been broken since three years now. I was writing a letter to my girlfriend and Dani, she pulled it from my hand. I was chasing her down the stairs and well, then we broke it. Dad was supposed to..." – He couldn`t finish. The thought of all the things that Andy would never be able to fix was unbearable. - "You know me and Katie were supposed to get married this summer. It was horrible to think that my mum wouldn`t be there, but now..., not even my dad." – He carried on hugging the spindle.

- "Anyway, it`s just round the corner on your left" – Gareth opened the door pushing away hurtful thoughts and stretched his arm pointing towards the end of the road.

- "Thanks" – Ronnie smiled gently and turned left as soon she was outside. The way to the playground didn`t take long. Ronnie was trying to put her thoughts together, she felt like an intruder, she wanted to be here but at the same time it wasn`t a casual meeting with her newly found daughter it was a day of her dad`s funeral. She didn`t know what she was going to find round the corner, if Danielle needed her support and even if she did how would she help her deal with the loss if she could never kiss away the pain she had caused herself.

- "Danielle?" – Ronnie slowly approached one of the swings as soon as she saw a lifeless posture of her daughter sitting on one of them - "Hi Danielle" – She kneeled in front of her and placed her hand on Danielle`s lap.

- "Hi Ronnie" – Danielle slowly raised her head as she felt softness of her mother`s hand.

- "How are you? How`s your arm?" – Ronnie smiled at her and gently stroked her arm covered in the bandages.

- "It`s...It`s fine." – She answered meekly.

- "I... um! I missed you." – Ronnie moved closer running her hands from Danielle`s elbows to her shoulders wanting to hug her baby, to wrap her arms around her and never let go, but Danielle did not allow her and moved away. Ronnie moved her hands back unto Danielle`s knees barely touching them with her fingers and looked around - "It`s a nice place you`ve got in here"

- "I used to come here a lot when I was younger. Sometimes straight after school. Mum and dad used to go nuts. I used to sit on this swing and see them running towards me." – Danielle was staring blankly at empty space in front of her - "I wish I could see them now" – She put her hand on her cheek as she felt a tear escaping her eye.

- "I know" – Ronnie replied placing a kiss on top of rough texture of jeans covering Danielle`s knees.

- "I can`t do this Ronnie. My dad, you, it`s all my fault." – Danielle finally looked into Ronnie`s eyes forcing the fear and guilt that were eating her inside to come out.

- "No, Danielle! Don`t say that. Baby listen to me you haven`t done anything wrong. None of this is your fault" – Ronnie placed both of her hands on Danielle`s face cupping her cheeks, but she still struggled to meet her daughter`s eyes.

- "So why...why does it feel like I`m being punished?" – More tears were now falling from her eyes and landing on top of Ronnie`s palms.

- "Oh sweetie, I know it must be really hard, but this is not a punishment. You`re the kindest person I`ve ever met in my life. You can`t blame yourself. If I could do anything...God I would give everything to take this pain away from you. If you...if you let me I..." – Ronnie was about to make the most important promise in her life when Danielle released herself from her hands and left the swing.

- "No I can`t! I can`t let you. This everything happened because of me, because I went looking for you" – She turned her back towards Ronnie and forced the words through her mouth.

- "No, Danielle. Please, look at me. Baby you`re not responsible for this. And I`m so grateful you found me. – Ronnie put her hand on Danielle`s back moving closer towards her, desperate to be let in. She wanted to grab Danielle and close her in her arms. Hide her from all the pain and hurt. To press her lips to her baby`s soft blond hair and breathe in their beautiful coconut scent.

- "Stop, just stop." – Danielle turned around looking at her mother through the tears - "What do you want from me Ronnie? You want me to forget, just like that?"

- "No, I know it`s not possible right now, but I want to help you. If you just let me, I swear on my life I will never hurt you again" – Ronnie stretched her arm again trying to reach Danielle`s cheek.

- "I can`t. I don`t trust you Ronnie" – Danielle took a step back.

- "I know, I don`t expect you too. I know it`s not that simple, but baby..." – Ronnie placed both of her hands on her chest trying to push back the tears forming in her eyes.

- "No I can`t, this is so hard. I`m not allowed. I...I have to go. I think you should just forget me" – Danielle turned away from Ronnie again scared to look at her, fearing that if she stayed there a bit longer she would eventually give in and fall into Ronnie`s arms. She was torn inside wanting nothing more than to feel the comfort of her mother`s embrace but at the same being paralyzed by her guilt.

- "Danielle, you`re my baby. I can`t forget you, please I didn`t know I didn`t mean to!" – It was a last attempt to stop Danielle from leaving, but it was too late. Ronnie was shouting desperately in the direction of the slowly disappearing figure of her daughter.

- "You didn`t know what? You didn`t mean what?" – Gareth`s voice was not any more gentle and soft it was confident and focused on getting honest answers.

- "It`s nothing really. Danielle`s just upset." – Ronnie answered scared and confused and turned away from him to follow Danielle.

- "Hold on. What is she pushing you away Ronnie? What did you do to her?" – Gareth stopped her by placing his hand on her shoulder.

_**Hi guys. I hope you won't hate me but I think that confrontation between Gareth and Ronnie is necessary for Ronnie and Danielle to build a happy relationship.**_


	13. Chapter 13

_**Hi guys thanks a lot for your reviews. I`m really glad you`re enjoying this story. I know there`s been a lot of heartbreaking chapters so far, well to be precise all of them were, but I promise that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it`s just that the tunnel is quite long.**_

_**Anyway I hope you`ll like the next chapter and please review. **_

- "I want some explanation Ronnie. I mean, Danielle was in tears. I know it`s understandable taking into consideration the circumstances, but this, ...it`s not about my dad. Is it?" – Gareth stood motionlessly staring at Ronnie trying to figure out what caused Danielle`s sudden outburst. "Is it Ronnie?" – He raised his voice as Ronnie didn`t respond.

- "No it`s not, but Gareth I don`t think right now is a good time" – Ronnie turned to him and gently touched his shoulder hoping that this would bring back the softness to his voice.

- "Not a good time? She`s my sister Ronnie. I need to know what is going on. What didn`t you mean, what didn`t you know?" – He kept pushing determined to get his answers.

Ronnie stepped away and sat on the swing. She put her hands on her head and swallowed the heavy lump of guilt that formed in her throat - "I didn`t know who she was" – She raised her head trying to avoid looking straight at Gareth. She was too scared, too ashamed to meet his eyes. He let her into his life, welcomed her as Danielle`s mother. He even indirectly asked for her support and all she could think now is how much she disappointed him.

- "What?" – He asked confused and moved closer - "When did you find out?" – He added, but was met with silence - "When?" – He pushed.

- "It was...on the night of the accident." – Ronnie was blankly staring at the space in front of her.

- "Wh...what, but Danielle`s been in Walford for so long" – He stood just in front of Ronnie forcing her to look at him.

- "She didn`t tell me" – Ronnie replied getting back her confidence trying to put her icy shield once again. - "Not until that night" – She added calmly trying to lose her composure.

- "Why not?"

- "I don`t know. I guess, I never gave a chance" – She brushed her fingers over her hair and replied quietly rushing through the words.

- "What happened that night? She wanted to leave. Why?" – Gareth was standing right in front of her demanding to know what had happened on the night of the accident. Ronnie`s fear was paralyzing her. She felt like she was sinking in the swing. Her eyes were slowly filling with tears, but she knew she had to tell him the truth, whatever would have happened she had to get rid of that weight from her heart.

- "She told me who she was and I...I didn`t believe her." – Tears were slowly falling down her cheeks. "I thought my Amy was dead" – She was staring at the ground reliving the painful moments. - "I thought she was dead" – She looked at Gareth looking for some sort of understanding, support, anything but she found nothing. He was staring at her with no expression on his face. - "And she was standing there,... begging" – Ronnie raised her arm and with an open palm pointing in front of her as if Danielle was standing there, as if she could see her broken and hurt - "I wanted to believe her, I really did" – Her voice was braking, mixed with the sound of sobs. - "But when she couldn`t find the locket, I thought she wanted to hurt me,... I thought she didn`t have a right." – She stood up and looked straight to Gareth`s eyes trying to explain, desperate to convince him that she never meant to hurt Danielle. - "I should have believed her. I should have" – She turned away and whispered to herself as he ignored her pleas.

- "What happened then?"- He carried on coldly.

- "I...I told her to leave, I told her to stay away. Oh God...I...I told her I would never have wanted to have a daughter like her."- She barely managed to say these words. Tears were now showering her face, an unimaginable regret was piercing through her body as she reminded herself her own words, Danielle`s eyes, the pain she saw in them, the pain she herself had caused.

- "You rejected her." – Gareth almost choked on his own words.

- "But I didn`t mean to I swear on my life I didn`t mean to. It`s him, my father he lied to me. He tried to keep her away. If I had known..." – Ronnie put her hands on his shoulders begging him to forgive her.

- "What would you do, hey? You would have welcomed her with open arms?" – He was throwing questions at her angrily as he pushed her away.

- "I would have. I would have never treated her the way I did. I would have never let her get an abortion." – She was desperate to hold on to him to meet his eyes and to make him understand.

- "You knew." – He locked his eyes on her shocked at her revelation.

- "Yes, I...I went with her" – She stepped back confused.

- "You did what?" – He asked furiously shaking his arms.

- "I didn`t know. I thought I was helping her." – Ronnie was trying to rush back the tears but it was too hard, she wasn`t able to keep her shield up. Talking to him felt like talking to Danielle, the anger and pain in his eyes looked just like hers.

- "Helping her? Cause that is what you do, isn`t it. It`s inconvenient, so get rid of it. Just like you did with Danielle." – He was furious, nervously walking between the swings in disbelief.

- "No! I never wanted to give her away, my father forced me to" – Ronnie was trying to stop him, struggling to breathe, terrified that everything she dreamt of was slipping away.

- "God I can`t believe this. How could I have been so stupid. How could I have thought you cared."

- "I do, I do care. I`m her mother Gareth! I love her!" – Ronnie shouted making him look at her.

- "A mother? That`s what mothers do?. That`s what you`re offering my sister? Getting drunk in your night club, getting pregnant by some scumbag and then helping her to get rid of her baby. What kind of a mother does that? – He was screaming his accusations into her face.

- "I...I never..." – She didn`t know what to say. What could she possibly say? The extent of the damage she had done was obvious. She should have cared for Danielle, protected her.

- "You just don`t get it, do you? You don`t understand what you`ve done. This coffin in there. This could have been her Ronnie." – Gareth looked straight into her eyes and pointed towards the house. - "This could have been Danielle." – He added firmly freezing every fibre in her body with his cold eyes.

- "Listen this is a funeral. The house is full. They`re my family. They`re Danielle`s family. I don`t want to make a scene, but after the funeral I want you gone. I want you out of my house and I want you out of Danielle`s life" – He finished brutally pointing his finger at Ronnie and left her to drown in her despair.

Throughout the whole ceremony Ronnie was standing at the back of the church. She was staring at Danielle sitting at the front raw between Gareth and Stacy tightly clutching their hands. Ronnie squeezed her hand trying to remind herself how it felt when she held Danielle`s hand in hers. The warmth of her fingers, softness of her skin. It pained her to be so close to her baby and yet so far, looking at her and not being able to touch. Just like with the locket, hanging so close to her heart but never being a part of it, never able to fill the gap. Constant reminder of what she had lost, guarding the memory of two hours and twenty three minutes. An eternal protector of the pain she couldn`t let go for the last 19 years, the last tie to her baby, the only thing that Archie would never take away from her, how could she ever let it go, it was the only thing she had, the only trace that her Amy had left in her heart. But now because of this pain she almost lost everything she ever dreamed of. Ronnie forced back the tears as she saw Danielle pressing a tissue to her cheeks. She looked so fragile and innocent, how someone as perfect as her would have such a monster for her mother. Ever since Ronnie gave away her baby she had created a special place for her in her heart. A place where she would be protected from anyone who would ever want to replace her. But the shield Ronnie had built around her heart turned out to be impossible to break through even for her own baby. The only means of bringing some sort of relief, even if it was only temporary, almost led to a complete destruction. Ronnie knew that Gareth was right, her actions could have cost her the most precious thing in her life. For the last 19 years Ronnie Mitchell has only wanted to have her baby back in her life. But now everything was different it was not anymore a matter of her having her baby, but her baby having her. She had to deserve to be Danielle`s mother, to earn her trust and not only hers, but also her brother`s. She had to change. All the things she always lacked and that identify a real mother, patience, devotion, and selflessness now she had to learn them. She couldn`t let herself being tangled in the pain she nursed for so many years any more as it would never coexist with the love that was now flooding her heart. There were many things in Ronnie`s life she doubted, her relationship with Jack, her strong but still painful bond with Roxy. Everything seemed to follow some sort of condition dependent pattern. As long as she was prepared to play by his rules Jack would love her. As long as she had strength to forgive Roxy her mistakes, and pick up the pieces of her mess she would have her sister in her life. But this feeling was different, just what love was in its purest form, unconditional and always simple.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Hi guys. I`m really sorry that it takes me a bit of time to update, but I`m a bit busy at the moment. I`m not completely happy with the next chapter, but I`m posting it anyway. Let me know what you think. **_

Ronnie was sitting on her bike parked across the road from Joneses` house. She was attentively observing every figure that came out, standing up every time the handle moved. The anxiety mixed with excitement that was filling her heart felt familiar. Even though 19 years had passed she was still 14, still hiding, desperate to deaden the pain inside her but at the same time terrified to fight for what she wanted, still being denied the most precious thing in her life. A silent scream accompanied by restless thumping of her heart, a cruel device always demanding more, promising her to slow down once granted her baby`s soft touch or at least her weak smile, but in reality craving all these sensations only to increase that yearning. Then and now separated by a 19 years old void, today merged into one. Painful memories slowly pushed aside by joyful hopes. A toothless yawn replaced with a kind smile, in a place of a tiny, pink fist clutching her thumb, a soft hand gently slipped into hers. Ronnie suddenly shrieked and left the bike as soon as she saw a familiar face emerged from the house.

- "How is she?" – Ronnie turned towards Stacy as soon as she approached her.

- "How do you think?" – Stacy shook her shoulders indifferently.

- "She`s so fragile" – Ronnie said quietly not taking her eyes of the door across the road, "She needs me" – She added determined and turned towards the house.

- "What do you think you`re doing?" – Stacy quickly grabbed her arm to stop her from leaving.

- "I need to see Danielle!" – Ronnie looked at her daughter's friend surprised and pulled her arm to release herself from Stacy`s grip.

- "No, Ronnie wait" – This time Stacy stood just in front of Ronnie and blocked her way.

- "Let me go Stace." – Ronnie ignored her and stepped onto the road.

- "No way. You`ll just make it worse. " – Stacy viciously grabbed Ronnie`s wrist forcing her to look around.

-"Worse? She`s my daughter Stacy. My Little girl." – Ronnie couldn`t believe Stacy`s words. How could she make anything worse when all she wanted was to make it better?

- "Yes I know. And you`re her mum, so why don`t you listen to me for once do what`s right for her" – Stacy put both of her hands on Ronnie`s shoulders who reluctantly stepped from the road back onto the pavement and sat on the bike.

- "Look I want her back too, but now she needs time. She needs to be with her family." – Stacy walked towards the bike trying to talk some sense into her friend`s mother.

- "I`m her family." – Ronnie replied quietly staring at the ground, feeling like a kid being scolded for bad behaviour.

- "Oh God it`s just like talking to Dan." – Stacy furiously pushed back the fringe from her eyes. Talking to Ronnie felt like talking to Danielle. Always banging your head against the wall trying to break through to the wonderland they both lived in.

- "Listen to me. Dan loves you, despite everything, she does. But,...you can`t make her choose Ronnie, he`s her brother. I mean what you`re gonna do, you`re gonna put her on your bike and leave?" – Stacy once again tried to overcome her frustration by taking a more subtle approach. - "Just give her some time."- She added gently placing her palm on Ronnie`s shoulder.

- "What if, what if she thinks I`m abounding her?" – Ronnie raised her head and looked at Stacy with a fear in her eyes.

- "She won`t. I`ll make sure she won`t"

- "I`m glad you`re her friend Stacy. I really am" – Ronnie looked at Stacy giving her a weak smile as she picked up the helmet. - "It`s funny isn`t it?" – She added just before putting it on.

- "What is?" – Stacy looked at her confused.

- "You and me here. You never really liked me."

- "So, you never liked me either?"

- "No, I didn`t."

- "So what`s funny in that?"

- "I never...I never thought I would envy you." – Ronnie squeezed the handles of the bike feeling uncomfortable to overexpose herself like that.

- "Envy me?" – Stacy asked even more confused.

- "Yes, I envy you every moment to get to spend with her" – Ronnie pushed the bike of the pavement and rode off.

After Ronnie left she went back to the cemetery. She was standing there for last couple of hours staring at Andy`s grave. She didn`t know why she was there. She was never a praying kind and it`s not as if she wanted to say goodbye to him, she barely knew him, but somehow she thought she had to be there. She was standing lifelessly staring at the flowers, rain drops gently bouncing of her head. She stood there thinking that nothing was going to be the same any more. Ronnie Mitchell always a habitual doubter but, today a reformed believer grateful that all her prayers had been heard. Always unreachable and distant, today wanting nothing more than to be reached and close. Always taking everything regardless of the consequences but, today patiently asking for forgiveness, thanking for protecting her heart for the last 19 years and begging to let her have it back. A cold wind was forcefully trying to dry the tears from her face but it was too many of them. Her body started to shake but not from cold. Cold? How could she feel cold when everything was burning inside?

- "I like when it rains during the funerals, you can always hide your tears." – Her thoughts were interrupted by a warm voice reaching her from behind. - "Well, almost always"- She heard as she turned her head with her red puffy eyes to look behind her.

- "Tissue?" – Ronnie turned her whole body around to see big brown eyes and a warm smile decorating this unfamiliar face staring back at her. He took out a tissue from the pocket of his long, brown coat and stretched his arm towards her.

- "Go on take it, it`s just a tissue. It`s not like I`m asking you to marry me." – He added giving her an even bigger smile and lifted his hand to brush through his slightly wavy hair that was barely touching his shoulders.

- "Thank you!" – Ronnie took a tissue and meekly smiled towards the stranger. He must have been somewhere in his mid thirties, she thought. He had a kind smile on his face but his eyes were sad, nervously looking around as if he didn`t want to be noticed.

- "Don`t worry about Gareth, he`s always been a bit feisty. He`ll come round eventually, he`s got a very soft heart." – The stranger turned away and started to walk towards the car park nearby.

- "How? Who,...who are you?" – Ronnie quickly followed him intrigued by his words.

- "It doesn`t matter" – He smiled and took out the car keys from the coat`s pocket.

- "Wait, what,... what`s that mean?" – She wasn`t giving up. Obviously he knew Gareth, so he must have known Danielle, and she was desperate to know anything that had any link to her daughter.

- "You look much better in reality than on that picture from Danielle`s locket" – He completely ignored her question, and pointed towards the locket hanging around her neck, chuckling to himself.

- "How do you know about that? Who are you?" – Ronnie persistently followed him to the car, annoyed that he wouldn`t reveal his identity.

- "Don`t give up on her. The thing with Danielle is that if she ever lets anyone in her heart she doesn`t let them go that easily" – He once again ignored her question and unlocked the door of a black convertible Mercedes and got in, kindly smiling at Ronnie, who was staring at him shocked that he knew so much about Danielle and her. - "Good luck Ronnie Mitchell, you`ll need it" – He closed the door and drove off.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Hi guys. Thanks again for your reviews I really appreciate the time you put into writing them. I had questions about the mystery stranger. Sorry but I can`t reveal his identity just yet, I can only say that it`s not Joel.**_

Danielle was wandering around her bedroom looking for something to do. She already sorted out her clothes in the wardrobe, arranged her desk, twice and changed the sheets on her bed. She was looking around the room nervously but she couldn`t find anything else to do. It`s been a few days since the funeral and Danielle found it very difficult to go downstairs. Every room felt painfully empty so she ended up spending most of the time in her bedroom. She was standing fiddling with a zip of her hoodie when her eyes turned to the draw of the bedside table. She walked slowly towards it, glancing at the pictures of her parents hanging on the wall, just like a scared child craving something she was not allowed to have. She brought life into the house of ghosts, dreaming of the future but at the same time not being able to let go of the past. She put her fingers on the handle swallowing a gulp that formed in her throat and was about to open the draw that was already ajar when she heard a loud noise coming from downstairs.

- "What are you doing?" – Danielle asked confused as she burst into the living room and saw her brother taking out piles of papers from a chest of drawers standing by the window.

- "Oh, I need to find the papers for the shop." – He replied clearly frustrated as he dug his hands deeper in the draw.

- "Well, you won`t find them in there. Why do you need them anyway?" – Danielle moved closer glancing at the papers that already covered half of the living room floor.

- "Well, uncle Gerald said that he knows someone who`s interested in buying the shop." – He carried on not taking his eyes of the papers.

- "What? You`re gonna sell it?" – Danielle asked shocked at her brother`s revelation.

- "Well, what else can I do, I can`t run it can I? Plus that buyer wants to pay cash and he promised he wouldn`t fire anyone." – He finally turned to his sister and gave her a sympathetic look as he saw the disappointment on her face. – "I don`t want to but I don`t have much choice."

- "I guess, it`s for the best then. It`s just that, dad really loved that place" – Danielle smiled meekly at him seeing that he wasn`t happy with the decision he was forced to make either.

- "I know, we used to spend there a lot of time. Remember how we used to play with the brushes and hide behind the piles of cans with paint?" – Gareth rested his back against the wall and smiled at the memory of their childhood. – "You used to mix the samples, dad was getting nuts and mum...she was... she was just laughing." – He jokily touched Danielle`s nose with his thumb.

- "Yeah, I remember. Well, I think I`ll help you look, then" – Danielle gently brushed her hand over his shoulder and opened a bottom draw. - "What exactly am I looking for?" – She asked.

- "Oh, a blue file."

Danielle went through over hundreds of papers that were neatly resting in the draw, picking up files after files, but not of them was what she was looking for. She forcefully pushed her fingers deeper inside the draw when she felt something hard as she reached the bottom. She pushed the rest of the papers on the sides and nervously took out a wooden frame.

- "What is it, Dani?" – Gareth looked at Danielle as she froze holding a photograph that she took out from the bottom of the draw. It was old, the paint from the edges of the frame had come off. She was staring at her 10 years old self, sitting on laps of a men somewhere in his mid twenties with a big smile on her face. She frowned as she turned her eyes to the note at the bottom of the photograph. _You will always be my special girl Danielle, love M._ - "Oh, I can`t believe this. I never thought I would see that again. I thought dad got rid of anything that had anything to do with him" – Gareth took the frame from his sister, excited with her finding.

- "I remember when it was taken. It was that day when he was teaching you to ride a bike." – He smiled to himself staring at the photograph and brushing his fingers over the glass.

- "Yeah, well he also thought me that promises are only made to be broken. That lesson I learned very well." – Danielle replied angrily and put a blue file on top of the chest of drawers. –"Here".

- "It wasn`t like that Danielle, he..." – Gareth put the frame back to the draw and turned to his sister.

- "He what? He didn`t even come for the funeral, he wasn`t even here when mum died. Just leave it GG, why are we even talking about him, anyway?" – Danielle was nervously walking around the living room.

- "Well, you found the photograph, and I guess when you lose someone close you think of everyone you lost." – Gareth replied softly trying to make it look like it wasn`t a big deal, as he didn`t want to upset Danielle even more.

- "We didn`t lose him Gareth, he left us. Just like everybody else." – Danielle snapped at him and turned towards the kitchen.

- "Danielle, there`s..." – Gareth shouted behind her but wasn`t allowed to finish.

- "There`s what, Gareth?" – Danielle asked before pushing the kitchen door.

- "Nothing." – He replied quietly as his eyes followed Danielle disappearing behind the kitchen door. "There`s something you don`t know" – He whispered to himself fiddling with a ribbon wrapped around the file.

Danielle burst through the kitchen door and rested her hands on the worktop trying to support her weight. She took a glass from the dryer and opened the tap. She was standing in the kitchen with a glass of water in her hand when she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket. She took it out and felt a cold sweat on her back when she saw Ronnie`s name on the screen. She nervously flipped her fingers a few times between the bottoms not knowing what to do. Torn inside wanting to hear her mother`s voice and at the same terrified to hurt her brother. She quickly pressed the cancel button, as she heard footsteps behind the door.

- "Who was that? – Gareth pushed the kitchen door and made his way towards his sister.

- "No one" – She replied abashed and put the phone on the kitchen top.

- "Hey, why don`t you come with me?" – Gareth stood next to his sister gently stroking her shoulder.

- "No I, Oh I don`t know." – Danielle moved away and brushed her fingers through her hair.

- "I`ll let you mix the samples" – Gareth smiled giving her a cheeky look. - "Or I can always call Aunty Debbie to come and take care of you" – He turned around and reached out to pick up his phone from the breakfast bar.

- "I`m just gonna get my jacket" – She quickly replied and poured the rest of the water into the sink.

- "I knew that would work" – He laughed as Danielle rushed pass him on her way out from the kitchen.

- "Gareth, I`m sorry. I just, I don`t know what`s wrong with me" – Danielle turned around and looked down embarrassed to meet his eyes.

- "It`s ok. I understand" – He approached her and jokingly punched her shoulder.

As soon as Danielle left the kitchen Gareth picked up her phone from the kitchen top and went through the list of the recent calls. He took a deep breath and angrily bit his lip when he noticed 15 missed calls from Ronnie. He quietly put the phone back on the kitchen top and left to the living room.

- "She`s dribbling." – Jack was gently stroking Amy`s hair as he held her in his arms sitting on the edge of the desk.

- "Yeah, well she`s teething. She`s doing my head in, especially in the night." – Roxy smiled at him nervously walking around the office and glancing through the window from time to time.

- "She seems perfectly fine now." – He brushed his thumb over her cheek. - "On the contrary to her mum. If you keep walking like that you`re gonna make a hole in the floor. What is it Rox?"- He lifted his head and chuckled to himself seeing Roxy wandering around the office.

- "No, nothing it`s just Ronnie" – Roxy took Amy from Jack and put her in the buggy.

- "What about her?" – He shook his shoulders.

- "She wouldn`t be happy if she knew I was here." – Roxy bit her lips once more peeping through the window.

- "Well, you`re grown up, you don`t need her permission." – Jack frowned and stood up from the desk.

- "I know, it`s just that, since the funeral, it`s just like she`s not there. She`s got her problems and I feel like me being here is just making it worse."

- "And because of Ronnie`s problems I`m not supposed to see my daughter." – He approached her placing his hands on the buggy trying to look inside.

- "Not everything is about you Jack. She`s my sister I care about her." – Roxy moved away the buggy irritated with his comment.

- "Look I care about her too. I offered my help. She told me to leave her alone." – He approached the desk and picked up some papers. - "You just have to let her get over it" – He added indifferently.

- "Over? This hasn`t been over since 19 years. You really think it`s gonna be over now?" – Roxy angrily pointed her finger towards him.

- "What do you want me to do? I told her, my door is always open, whenever she needs me I`m always here, all she needs to do is ask." – He carried on trying to convince her of his best intentions.

- "Yeah, but she never asks for help. I mean she keeps things inside her. She won`t come through your stupid door, Jack." – Roxy snapped at him and turned around pushing the buggy towards the door.

- "What are you doing?" – Jack immediately followed her trying to get hold of the buggy.

- "I`m going back to the Vic, Amy needs feeding" – She replied firmly pushing the buggy outside the office.

- "Well, what about the park? We were supposed to go to the park" – He shouted confused.

- "Stuff the park Jack and stuff you" – She shouted back pulling the buggy behind her up the stairs.


	16. Chapter 16

_**Hi guys. Thanks again for your reviews. I am sorry for being so late with the updates but I was very busy in the last few days. I should be a bit more consistent with the updates from now on. Next chapter is a bit long but there were quite few things I wanted to put into it, hope you like it. Pleas R&R. **_

Danielle opened her eyes and looked at a blurry shape of the alarm clock on her bedside table. It was half seven in the morning. She spent most of the night on tossing and turning on her bed trying to find a comfortable position but the bandages covering her arm and the pain in her lungs made it impossible, so she finally gave up on trying to get any kind of good sleep. She forced her aching body to move and sat on the edge of the bed placing her feet on the soft cream carpet. She turned her head towards the pillow expecting to see brown long hair of her friend spread over it. Even though she knew Stacy wouldn`t be there she couldn`t help to look, it was a habit. Danielle always had a thing for developing new habits, everything always seemed to be absorbed by her like a sponge, very quickly and once it got inside of her it was almost impossible to be removed. But a heart is not a sponge. How far can you stretch it before it brakes? This gift and the curse at the same time, however, was never meant to be used for her advantage. The effortless way in which she always let other people into her heart was almost never returned. She hardly ever managed to leave an imprint on someone else`s life, as her shyness and timidity would always take over the most courageous attempt to be noticed. Just as if her bottomless heart belong to a wrong person, a person who would never be able to defend it. If it was any other day she would get up quietly trying not to wake Stacy and have a little singing contest while taking a shower. Then she would spend her day working on the stall, chatting with the residents of the Albert Square, sipping tea with Stacy and maybe go clubbing to R&R afterwards. After all this was her routine for the last seven months. When she was in Walford Danielle never minded getting up early, the sooner she was out of the house the sooner she would see Ronnie, even if it was only for a moment and even if seeing her made her heart thump with a speeding rate. Danielle knew Ronnie`s routine very well, after all the elder Mitchell sister was a very organized person so learning her time schedule by heart wasn`t difficult for Danielle. In fact Ronnie`s timetable became hers. If it was any other day Danielle would still be dreaming, still living in her fairytale, still getting up every single morning with a new strength and new determination to patiently wait for that day, the beginning of her new life. But it wasn`t any other day, Danielle wasn`t going to spend her day working on the stall, she wasn`t going to sip tea with Stacy and she wasn`t going to see Ronnie. She glanced at her bed and saw her locket sticking out from under the pillow. As she pulled the chain towards her she reminded herself the sudden urge to hold onto it that came over her last night. She squeezed the locket tightly in her hand and once again looked at the alarm clock. It was now 7.45. She smiled to herself meekly thinking that if she was still in Walford she would have only 15 minutes to get ready, otherwise she would miss Ronnie`s morning trip to the Cafe. Hours, minutes, everything that was so important for the last seven months, now proved to be completely pointless.

- "Danielle. I hope you`re up cause I`m coming in" – Gareth pushed the door making Danielle jump as she quickly pushed the locket towards the pillow. - "Morning, sleeping beauty" – Gareth gave a fake smile to his sister pretending that he didn`t notice a chain sticking out from under the pillow.

- "Hi GG"- She replied meekly standing up from the bed, mentally preparing herself to get through another day.

- "Ron? Ronnie, what are you doing?" – Roxy walked in through the kitchen door rubbing her sleepy eyes to see her sister nervously moving her hands in the sink filled with water and washing liquid.

- "What does it look like, I`m cleaning. It`s absolutely filthy in here. I mean just look at this." – Ronnie turned to her holding a tray with dark greasy stains.

- "Ron" – Roxy approached her sister completely confused with what seemed like a sudden urge to clean up the whole Mitchell household.

- "What?" – Ronnie looked at her sister not taking her hands out of the sink.

- "It`s eight o`clock in the morning"

- "So? I need to clean up,...I need to.... The rubbish, I need to take the rubbish out." – Ronnie was nervously looking around to find something to focus on. She took her wet hands out of the sink and pointed towards the bin.

- "Ronnie, what is the matter with you? I`ve never seen you like that? I mean, you`re scaring me." –Roxy`s big, blue eyes were following her sister as she made her way towards the bin and pulled out a bag full of rubbish.

- "Hey, give this to me." – Roxy pulled the bag from her sister`s hands and dropped on the floor. - "Sit" – She gently pushed Ronnie towards the table making her sit on the chair - "Tell me Ron, what`s going on?"

- "Nothing." – She replied picking up a cloth from the table and wrapping it around her wet hands.

- "Ron!" – Roxy angrily pulled the cloth and put it back on the table not giving Ronnie a chance to focus on anything else than replying to her question.

- "It`s,...it`s Danielle..., she ... she`s not answering my phone calls"- Ronnie rested her elbows on her knees and buried her head in her hands. - "I know I told her I would give her some time, that I wouldn`t push her, but why she doesn`t want to talk. I just...I just want to know if she`s ok" – She looked at her sister desperate to hear something comforting.

- "I,... I`m sure there`s an explanation." – Roxy stammered with confusion.

- "Of course there is, she hates me. I rejected her and now she doesn`t want to know me." – Ronnie suddenly pushed the chair away and went back to her nervous wandering around the kitchen.

- "I`m sure it`s not like that Ronnie. She was here for so many months, she must love you" – Roxy tried to ease the situation but finding anything that would bring comfort to her sister was difficult.

- "Exactly, so many months, she was always around me, always asking me questions." – Ronnie shouted back mentally rushing through every moment she spent with Danielle and cursing her own ignorance, - "Even here always taking care of Amy" – She pointed towards the hallway as if Danielle was standing there with Amy in her arms, - "Look, the calendar, it fell of the wall when I was cleaning and I saw it, look 26 of June. She put her date of birth, she must have wanted us to notice." – Ronnie pulled the calendar of the wall and almost pressed it against her sister`s face before she drooped it on the floor - "Look Roxy, my Amy, just look at her, her eyes, her nose, everything just like Danielle`s." – She stopped Roxy as she bended to pick up the calendar by forcefully placing the open locket on Roxy`s palm - "And I,...I`ve missed it Rox, I`ve missed everything" – She took the locket back and squeezed it in her hand sitting on the chair.

- "It`s not your fault. How were you supposed to know. You thought she was dead" – Roxy moved closer to Ronnie and placed her hands on top of hers.

- "I know, but still however irrational it was, however stupid I was still waiting, hoping for a miracle." – Ronnie looked straight into her sister`s eyes trying to force the tears back - "I don`t know, waiting for her to fall from the sky, anything."- She shook her shoulders laughing to herself through the tears - "And when she did I missed it" – She added once again hiding her head in her hands.

- "Ronnie,...you were hurting and..." – Roxy gently placed her palm on top of Ronnie`s head but she didn`t know what to say. Even though she wanted to help, finding herself as the one who brings comfort as oppose to the usual division of the sisters` roles was something that Roxy find extremely uncomfortable. It was her elder sister, always miserable, chasing ghosts for the last 19 years and now seeing her reaching the end of this chase felt strange. Ronnie`s willingness to give up on everything, absolutely everything for someone who only a few days ago was some unimportant teenager was scarring Roxy, she couldn`t understand the power that Danielle had over her.

- "And I pushed her away." – Ronnie lifted her head and looked at her sister through wet eyes. - "That`s what I do, isn`t it. I push everyone away." – She didn`t need any answers, it wasn`t a question, Ronnie knew her "push-away" routine very well, 19 years was a plenty of time to master it.

- "Who am I Rox? Who have I become?" – Ronnie locked her eyes on the wall.

- "Ronnie I know it`s difficult, but..." – Roxy carried on ignoring her sister`s questions. After all what could she possibly say, who better than her knew how cold and distant her sister could be.

- "No you don`t know. You don`t know Rox, because your Amy is there in that room. You can open the door and take her in your arms and you know she`s safe. You have your baby Rox." – Ronnie once again angrily pushed the chair away and leant against the door frame - "And I want to have mine. I want to hold her, I want to make her laugh, make her feel safe ...I... I just want to have my baby in my arms"

- "I can still feel her" – She carried on wrapping her arms around herself as she closed her eyes trying to bring the memory of how it felt holding Danielle - "I held her after she left the hospital. I can still smell her hair, still hear her breathing." – Ronnie opened her eyes to see her sister standing next to her. - "She should be with me Rox. Not only today, not now, but all this time. All those years she should have been with me"

- "I know Ronnie" – Roxy gently stroked her shoulder before turning her head towards the hallway as she heard Amy crying from the bedroom.

- "Amy needs you" – Ronnie gently smiled moving away from the door.

- "She`ll be all right. I can go to her in a minute"

- "No it`s ok, I`m fine. Don`t make her wait, go to your baby" – Ronnie touched Roxy`s hand and gently pushed her towards the hallway.

- "Ronnie are you sure?"

- "Yeah of course I am. I`m gonna go for a walk anyway. I could use some fresh air." – Ronnie turned away and made her way towards the sink.

- "Ok! I`ll see you in a bit, yeah?" – Roxy asked before leaving the kitchen.

- "Yeah, course" – Ronnie smiled glancing at the sink that was still filled with dirty dishes.

Ronnie took deep breath closing the pub door behind her. It was almost the beginning of April and even though the gentle warmth of the sun was indicating that spring was not far away, the wind still felt sharp and cold on her cheeks. She looked around the square, moving her eyes from one person to another. She was walking wandering what they thought of her, after all she always made sure that her cold exterior wouldn`t go amiss. _Ice queen_, _miserable cow_, she was fully aware of the nicknames the residents of the square used to refer to her. But it never mattered to her, as long as she was able to hide her hurting interior she would carry on building up the shield around herself. They would never understand anyway, no one would. Ronnie turned her eyes towards a couple of kids on the swings. Their mums were chatting giving a proud look to one another every time the playground resounded with the laughter of their children. Whenever Ronnie saw children with their parents she always felt cheated. It was supposed to be so simple, falling in love, getting married, having kids. This pattern was so common that most of the people who followed it didn`t even notice, the changes in their lives came so naturally. But for Ronnie it felt like she required some kind of special permission, as her right to have a child was a matter of getting some sort of licence. Was this the usual punishment for every 14 years old kid? Can the formation of a bond between a mother and her child be restricted to age? Can`t unconditional love enkindle in a 14 years old heart? Still a child or already a woman, with or without her baby, even if it didn`t make any sense, if it was against all the biological or ethical rules it was there, from the first movement of the life growing inside her womb. This one feeling managed to survive 19 years of separation, still deep in her soul and now pouring out from a bleeding wound barely covered with a blanket of a fake laughter as it was about time to let that soul heel.

- "Stacy!" – Ronnie turned towards the figure of her baby`s best friend as she approached the stall. -"Hi, have you, have you spoken to Danielle lately?" – She asked turning towards her back.

- "Not really. We exchanged a few messages, that`s all." – Stacy replied coldly fiddling with a leather jacket hanging on one of the stands not turning around.

- "How is she?" – Ronnie`s eyes remained locked on the long brown hair.

- "Why you`re asking me, ask her" – Stacy turned around giving Ronnie a confused look.

- "I can`t." – She replied quietly embarrassed and angry at the same time that she didn`t know how her baby was.

- "Why not?" – Stacy asked casually moving to another stand.

- "She`s not answering my phone calls" – Ronnie followed her.

- "Well, she`s not answering mine either." – She answered indiferently shaking her shoulders.

- "What, why?" – Ronnie grabbed Stacy`s shoulder annoyed with her constant, chaotic movements.

- "I don`t know." – Stacy finally turned around and looked at Ronnie with sadness in her eyes.

- "What about the messages? What did she write?" – Ronnie`s voice was getting more and more worried. She didn`t know much about Danielle but shutting out even her best friend didn`t seem like her daughter`s usual behaviour.

- "Nothing much really, just that she`s fine and that she needs time." – Stacy replied struggling to keep her eyes on Ronnie`s. She might have been her best friend`s mum but she was still a Mitchell and a role of an involuntary bridge between her and Danielle was something that Stacy didn`t particularly liked.

- "Is that all?" – Ronnie asked.

- "Yeah!" – Stacy replied quickly moving away from her and approaching her costumer.

- "Stacy, please!" – Ronnie shouted in her direction feeling that Stacy was hiding something.

- "Yesterday she texted me that..., well it was short, just, _Gareth needs me and Telford is my home_." – Stacy rushed through the words as quickly as possible and as emotionlessly as she could.

- "What does it mean?" – Ronnie carried on.

- "I don`t know."

- "She`s not coming back, is she?" – She asked almost whispering, terrified even of thought that Danielle would never come back.

- "I don`t know."

- "She`s blaming herself." – Ronnie brushed her hands through her hair blankly staring at an empty space in front of her. -"Andy`s death, she thinks it`s her fault." – She turned to Stacy shaking her head up and down -"Gareth lost both of his parents, Danielle feels guilty and I think she`s doing this for him."

- "I guess she thinks she owns it to him." – Stacy smiled meekly squeezing a pile of pink summer tops in her hands.

- "Well in that case there`s only one way." – Ronnie said to herself with determination and walked away.

- "What do you mean?" – Stacy shouted back confused towards her disappearing figure - "Ronnie!" – She tried to stop her but she was too late Ronnie was already gone.

Ronnie burst through the flat`s door and rushed towards the living room. She energetically pulled the papers from the coffee table. She dug her hands in the pile nervously pushing them away until she found what she was looking for, January telephone bill. She pressed her finger to the paper slowly moving it down until she found what she was looking for 16th of January, the day she phoned Danielle`s home phone, the same day she betrayed her by telling Andy about abortion. She took the phone out from the jacket`s pocket and flipped between the bottoms not being sure if she was the right thing. She suddenly looked down and saw a crumpled tissue lying on the floor. She picked it up thinking that it must have been in her pocket since the day of the funeral. _The thing with Danielle is that if she ever lets anyone in her heart she doesn`t let them go that easily._ She smiled to herself thinking that she turned for comfort to the closest person in her life, her sister only to find it in the words of a complete stranger.

- "Hi! It`s Ronnie Mitchell." – She said firmly just after she heard a male voice on the other side.

- "God you are really stubborn." – Gareth replied annoyed with her persistence.

- "Gareth I just want to talk. Please"


	17. Chapter 17

_**Hi guys. Thanks again for your reviews on the last chapter. I am sorry for such a long break in the updates but I had a minor injury while playing tennis and at the moment my arm is covered in bandages and tucked into a sling, so tapping on the keyboard is a bit painful. Anyway hope you like another chapter, let me know what you think. **_

Ronnie was sitting in the Café opposite London Marylebone train station nervously tapping her fingernails on the table and looking at her phone every few seconds. She knew she came too early, but after struggling to convince Gareth to even see her she couldn`t risk missing a meeting with him. She offered to see him in Telford hoping that she would see Danielle as well. It`s been over a week since the funeral and now the separation with her daughter was slowly turning into agony. Gareth however dismissed her idea of coming to Telford and agreed to meet her in London. Ronnie wrapped her hands around the cup of already cold coffee trying to put together all the things she wanted to say to Gareth, but her mind was completely blank. There was no plan, no schedule all she knew she had to be patient and honest, to acknowledge him as a part of Danielle`s life, hoping that it would be enough to make him forgive her and then maybe eventually Danielle would as well. He was important to Danielle, and this meant that he was even more important to Ronnie. And after getting so many things wrong this was the one she had to get right.

-"Hi! Thank you for agreeing to see me." – Ronnie stood up as soon as she saw a familiar figure of a young man approaching her. She tried to be as careful as she could with her choice of words or gestures not wanting to do anything that would trigger off the behaviour from the last time she saw him. So she decided to settle on a week but a genuine smile.

- "Well, I didn`t have much choice did I. You said you wouldn`t give up until I speak to you." – Gareth indifferently pulled the chair from the table and took a seat.

- "Still, I`m grateful you agreed to meet me." – Ronnie slowly sat opposite him taking a deep breath and nervously flipping her eyes between him and the table. - "You came alone?" – She asked quietly looking around the Café.

- "Danielle`s not with me, if that`s what you wanted to know. She`s staying with our relatives." – Gareth relaxed in the chair as he locked his eyes on Ronnie`s far from usual perfect face. Her eyes were red and puffy from the floods of tears she shed since the funeral and covering them with a thick layer of make-up proved not to be a successful remedy.

- "No, It`s..., it`s not that. I just wanted to make sure she wasn`t alone." – Ronnie nodded once again giving him a gentle smile hoping that this would relax the obvious tension between them and nervously bit her lip before letting a breathless whisper leave her mouth - "How...how is she?"

- "She`s fine. You wanted to talk?"- Gareth answered coldly and wrapped his arms around his waist.

- "Yes I...I wanted to...to explain. I don`t know...I..." – Gareth`s cold response made Ronnie`s smile disappear from her face as she stumbled over the words trying to refocus her attention on the main purpose of this meeting.

- "Let me help you then." – Gareth leant forward responding to Ronnie`s unsuccessful attempts to form at least one logical sentence looking straight into her eyes as if he was trying to see right through her. - "What you did to my sister was cruel from start to finish." – He pointed his finger towards her in an accusing manner.

- "I know and I will never forgive myself for the things I said to her, but I..." – Ronnie defensively lifted her arm pressing it against her chest.

- "It`s not only that" – Gareth stopped her. -"It`s not only about the things you said to her."

- "What..., what do you mean?" – Her body slowly sank on the chair under the heavy weight of his yet another accusation. What else could she have possibly done? As if throwing her daughter out on the street, calling her a _pathetic freak_ and finally helping her to get rid of her own grandchild wasn`t enough. What else did she do to add to the already endless extent of the damage she had caused?

- "Can you even imagine what it feels like growing up knowing that from the day you were born your mum didn`t want you? Just like that." – His eyes remained focused on her.

- "But it wasn`t like that Gareth." – Ronnie stopped him slightly raising her voice.

- "I haven`t finished." – He snapped at her energetically moving his body even more forward. -"It`s very difficult, but somehow you learn how to live with it, to accept it. You say to yourself, she didn`t want me and well, forget her, fair enough. But when the same mum gives away her child with a locket and a picture of herself inside it, when she leaves her details in the adoption agency, it`s not only a locket is it, it`s a message. So now I`m asking you Ronnie Mitchell what kind of a message is it. What were you trying to tell my sister?"- His eyes didn`t even move as he angrily spat his words one after another.

- "What Danielle has been wearing around her neck all these years, it`s...it`s not just a locket." – Ronnie pushed away the fringe from her face revealing wet mascara smudges under her eyes. - "She`s been carrying my heart" – She carried on as her voice slowly collapsed and eyes filled with fresh tears. - "Look, I could spend every day of the rest of my life telling her how sorry I am and how much I love her and it would never be enough. I know I hurt her, but there`s so many things she doesn`t know. She needs to know what happened, she needs to know that I have always wanted her. I have to tell her that."- She chaotically pressed her hands against her face to remove the tears not wanting to break the eye contact she finally managed to establish with him.

- "And, what is that happened then?" – Gareth asked pressing his back to the chair.

- "I was 14 when I had my baby. I called her Amy. I held her in my arms for two hours and twenty three minutes. That`s all I had with her and then she was taken away from me." – Ronnie slowly uttered one word after another. Since she came to Walford two years ago she said these few sentences more times than ever before. She shared her secret with more people she ever thought she would. Peggy, Jack and now Gareth, still it wasn`t getting any easier.

- "How come?" – Gareth asked calmly noticing tears that formed in her eyes.

- "My dad, he forced me to give her away. He always knew how to get inside my head, how to manipulate me into doing whatever he wanted me to do." – Ronnie was staring blankly at Gareth as if he wasn`t there reliving painful memories pressing her hand to her chest not letting go of the locket - "I was 14, terrified, fooling myself that I was doing the right thing." – She snapped out of her lethargic state and looked at him nodding her head and shaking her arms in search of any indication that he understood but found nothing. - "I was completely alone, after I came back from hospital my boyfriend was gone. Everyone kept telling me that she was going to be ok, and I tried to convince myself that she was, but my heart was telling me not to let her go. And it never stopped, it`s been telling me that for the last 19 years" – She carried on letting go of the locket and lifting her hand to once again remove the wetness from her eyes - "And last year my dad told that my Amy had died 13 years before. That day changed everything. I thought that the chance of ever finding her was gone forever." – She licked her bottom lip and tucked her hair behind her ear. - "So, when Danielle, when she came to the club claiming that she was my daughter." – She paused closing her eyes irritated by a mixture of tears and mascara. - "I wanted to believe her, I really did" – She lifted her eyes nodding her head as if she wanted to convince him that she was being truthful. – "But when she couldn`t find the locket, I thought she wanted to take away my Amy once again. This pain was the only thing I had left and I was terrified that even that was going to be taken away from me. Those things I said, I wasn`t talking to her. It was everything I wanted to tell my dad 19 years ago. That day in hospital when he took my baby. He is sick Gareth and I hate him."

- "What about before last year? Why didn`t you try to get in touch then? I`m sure my parents wouldn`t stop you from seeing Danielle." – Gareth carried on.

- "I tried. I phoned the adoption register. They couldn`t tell me where she was. So I left my details hoping that one day she would get in touch with me." – She said firmly with an obvious sadness in her voice – "I know I should have tried harder" – And whispered shaking her head from side to side closing her eyes filled with regret.

- "Well you might have had a difficult time but it doesn`t make my difference." – Gareth indifferently pushed the chair away from the table and stood up turning towards the door.

- "Yes it does. It does, because she came looking for me" – Ronnie immediately followed him raising her voice to make him stop from leaving - "At the hospital you told me that you knew why Danielle came to London. You knew she wanted to find me."- She carried as soon as he turned around - "Look I know what I`ve done to her and if I could change things, I would" – She placed both of her hands on the collar of his jacket forcing him to look at her - "But if there is a chance, however small, if there is a possibility that she might still want me in her life, please Gareth. I`m begging you, don`t take it away from us." – She finally managed to meet his dark brown eyes and slowly let go off his jacket as she felt his body slowly rest on the table.

- "All this time when Danielle was here I thought she was happy. I shouldn`t have just assumed things I should have got in touch with her." – Gareth placed his head in his hands as he sat on the table and stared blankly on the floor. - "Look, Danielle is grown up I can`t make decisions for her. If she wants to have a relationship with you, I`m not saying I like it, but I can`t stop her." – He lifted his head after a while and firmly looked at Ronnie who was standing just in front of him, blocking the way out.

- "But, she`s not answering my phone calls" – She slowly stepped back seeing that Gareth had no intention to move from the table.

- "It has nothing to do with me, I didn`t tell her not to" – He shook his shoulders and wrapped his arms around his waist.

- "But I think she`s doing it for you. She doesn`t want to hurt you."

- "Listen I um..., I want to be a mother to Danielle."- Ronnie took a deep breath and bravely forced the words through her mouth hoping that her honesty would be appreciated - "I mean if she wants me to" – She quickly added seeing his eyes move angrily - "But I need to know that you`re ok with it"

- "And what if I`m not?" – He asked in a challenging manner.

- "Well, I don`t want Danielle to choose between you and me. It`s not that I think she would choose me, but I don`t want her to lose you. I`m sure you want your sister to be happy. If you think this is right for her, if...if this is what she wants. I um...It will be the most difficult thing I ever had to do, but I...I will walk away" – Ronnie turned her back towards him and swallowed a gulp in her throat as she stumbled over the words. – "If that`s what she wants." – She turned around locking her eyes on his and wrapped her fingers around the locket hanging around her neck.

- "Can I have a look?" – Gareth said softly and pointed towards Ronnie`s palm glued to her chest. She slowly let go of the locket and after unhooking it gently placed it on his palm - "It`s really her."- Gareth smiled to himself staring at the picture of his sister.

- "It was taken just after she was born" – Ronnie smiled and sat next to him on the table - "I can still remember the way she smelled. You know she... she yeaned and she looked like..." – She carried on feeling a wave of pride filling her voice.

- "Like an angel." – Gareth said quietly not moving his eyes from the locket - "That`s what my Nan said when mum and dad brought her home." – He giggled. - "Everything was hectic that day. Mum and dad running around the house with bottles and nappies. I guess five years is enough to forget how to handle a baby." – He carried on brushing his fingers over Danielle`s picture. - "But Danielle wasn`t crying, she was lying in her cot. I remember I looked at her, I saw those big brown eyes staring at me. It was almost twenty years ago, but..." – He paused as a smile faded from his face and looked at the blond woman sitting by his side. - "She`s still my baby sister Ronnie. She`s the only one I`ve got left." – He added firmly but calmly closing the locket and giving it back to its owner.

- "I know, and I... I am so sorry Gareth." – She moved her hand to place over his but stopped not being sure what kind of response her gesture would receive. - "I have a baby sister too, you know. Well, she`s thirty now, but sometimes I think she`s much younger then Danielle, always getting into trouble" – She added out of the blue desperate to find something to relate to him and not let this thin thread of understanding they finally managed to find break.

- "It`s so hard. I`m scared" – He whispered to himself loud enough for Ronnie to hear as he remained still on the table blankly staring at the floor.

- "Gareth, if there`s anything I could do, I..." – Ronnie moved a bit closer this time bravely placing her hand over his. He might have been twenty five, grown up, ready to start his own family but right now he looked so fragile. Ronnie couldn`t understand this sudden urge to comfort him that was taking over her. He wasn`t Danielle`s real brother, they didn`t share the same gene pole. But the strong connection between the two of them was undeniable and now the bond he had with her daughter became precious and she would do anything to protect it.

- "I`m fine." – He suddenly lifted both of his hands brushing them through his hair and taking a deep breath turned to Ronnie - "Look, I want to believe you, I really do. But if you hurt my sister" – He added calmly but firmly.

- "I won`t, I swear" – Ronnie immediately raised her voice slightly.

- "It`s not a warning. It`s just if you do, this time she won`t get over it" – He added sadly.

- "I know. You`re a great brother. Danielle`s really lucky to have you" – Ronnie answered softly giving him a gentle smile.

- "Whatever she decides, I will still be her brother. She won`t lose me." – Gareth left the table and corrected the collar of his jacket.

- "Will you..., will you tell her that?" – Ronnie asked quietly in a begging tone nervously squeezing the helmet that she picked up from the seat and placed it on her laps.

- "I`ll talk to her and find out what she really wants" – Gareth answered back meeting her eyes as she hooked the locket back around her neck. The gentle manner in which Ronnie handled her locket felt familiar. Even though Danielle didn`t wear hers he couldn`t pretend that he didn`t know how much it meant to her. He moved his eyes towards the chain neatly hanging around her neck, just like his sister`s when she tried to hide it from him tucking it under the pillow. Deep down inside he knew very well what Danielle wanted. – "But I won`t help you, I won`t push her into your arms. It`s up to her." – He added firmly.

- "I understand" – Ronnie replied with a relief.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Hi guys. Thanks again for your reviews on the last chapter. Again I am sorry for such a long break in the updates but I was kind of forced to take on long holidays in a place completely deprived of any access to internet so I am behind with the reviews as well. I promise to catch up. I hope you haven`t forgotten about this fic and thanks a lot for your patience. As always I would like to assure that I am going to carry on with this story as I haven`t come anywhere near what I have planned for it. I hope you will like another chapter. Let me know. **_

- "You know. If you focus really hard, there is a chance that you may telepathically connect with the plate and cause it to rise above the table, and then the slice of pizza will just casually slide straight into your mouth." – Gareth chuckled shaking his arms as he looked at his sister sitting opposite him aimlessly staring at the plate.

- "Sorry, I`m not really hungry." – Danielle smiled gently appreciating his attempt to make everything seem as normal as possible and put her fork on the side of the plate as she sighed heavily. - "So, how was your meeting?" – Her eyes followed her brother as he left the chair and dug his hands inside one of the kitchen cupboards.

- "What meeting?" – He turned to her surprised pulling out a jar with coffee and placed it on the kitchen top as he turned the lid.

- "With the buyer. You said someone was interested in buying dad`s shop." – Danielle carried on gently stroking her broken arm over the bandages.

- "Oh that, yeah it was alright." – Gareth replied struggling with the coffee maker. - "It`s probably gonna take a while though." – He added after a while placing two cups of coffee on the table.

- "Yeah, I suppose everything`s gonna be different now. Isn`t it?" – Danielle stated quietly as she frowned pressing a cup to her lips.

- "Well, I guess it`s just you and me now." – Gareth replied sadly and frowned just like Danielle after taking a sip. He looked at his sister who was gently smiling at him.

- "Dry scrambled eggs, burnt coffee, Katie`s really lucky." – She raised her eyebrows and shook her shoulders as she chuckled.

- "For your information Katie likes my coffee and if it comes to scrambled eggs. Well I`ll work on it. Besides I`m the lucky one." – He pinched Danielle and frowned again taking another sip.

- "So what about you and her then?" – She asked pushing the cup on the side and relaxing slightly in the chair.

- "What do you mean?" – He asked pouring the content of the cup into the sink - "Danielle?" – He added seeing his sister blankly staring at the table, lost in her thoughts. He smiled to himself thinking that despite the time his sister spent in London and the changes in her personality some things were still the same. Even if it was such a small thing like this constant day dreaming, because now this usually annoying habit of hers made everything normal. And although it didn`t last long it felt nice. – "Hey!" – he gently squeezed her shoulder.

- "Oh It`s nothing, it`s just when I stayed at Aunty Deb`s this morning she mentioned something about your plans. I mean you moving to Katie, to Nottingham." – She said quietly brushing her hands over her face as her voice turned smaller and smaller.

- "Well, yeah but now these plans have changed." – Gareth pulled the chair and sat opposite his sister trying to figure out what was happening in her head. The old Danielle was gone again. The sweet innocent, sunny child he knew so well wasn`t there anymore. Right now he was sitting staring at the big brown eyes filled with sadness and listening to the voice full of doubts and insecurities.

- "Yeah, but for how long? I mean you`re still gonna do it. Aren`t you?" – Danielle carried on not able to overcome this timid rhythm of her voice that for some reason didn`t want to let go.

- "I`m not gonna leave you Danielle if that`s what you`re worried about." – Gareth moved closer leaning against the cold surface of the table making her look up - "Look, when the time comes we`ll make these decisions together, ok?" – He added and smiled squeezing her hand in encouragement.

- "You just need to tell me what you want." – He once again left the chair and turned his back towards her resting his hands on the edge of the sink. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as Ronnie`s words kept ringing in his ears _I want to be a mother to Danielle. _Making decisions, the future, suddenly everything came crushing down on him. He brought Danielle home, desperate to hold on to her, scared to be alone, needing her support and strength, determined to protect her. But what was now unfolding in front of his eyes was even scarier. Support and strength were the things Danielle needed herself. He stood there rubbing his forehead thinking that all the doubts his sister had in her head had to be solved, the questions needed to be answered, but however hard he tried to dyne it he wasn`t the one who knew the answers, however much he wanted to make his sister happy he knew that this one task wasn`t his.

- "Ok!" – Danielle replied meekly.

- "No I mean now. What do you want Danielle?" – Gareth turned around finding new confidence, the strength to take over, that strength that his sister was looking for.

- "What?" – She asked confused.

- "What about Stacy? I mean 7 months is enough to make new friendships...and, well you know." – He casually rested his back against the sink and wrapped his arms around his waist.

- "I don't understand. You want me to go back to London?" – Danielle raised her voice confused where her brother was going with his questions.

- "No God no. That`s not what I mean. I want you to stay" – He rushed towards the table and once again sat opposite Danielle - "But not if you don`t." – He added quietly.

- "But I... I do." – Danielle answered not trusting her own words as she looked at his eyes scanning her – "Oh I don`t know" – She sighed as she relaxed in the chair.

- "Look, do you remember when I persuaded you to take dad`s new camera, even though we were not supposed to touch it?"

- "What?" – Danielle frowned thinking what it had to do with what they were talking about, but as she saw his eyes focused on her she carried on - "Yeah you took it outside, cause you wanted to show it to Colin, you dropped it and broke the lens. I was grounded for two weeks."

- "Exactly, It was my fault but you took the blame. All I`m saying, it`s about time you thought about yourself Danielle." – He replied shaking his shoulders as if he was stating something absolutely obvious.

- "But I really don`t know what to do." – Danielle`s eyes kept switching between the table and her brother - "What do you think I should do?" – She asked looking very concerned.

- "It doesn`t matter what I think."

- "To me it does. It`s just that. It`s like I don`t really trust myself. I mean the choices I made so far, everything went so wrong."

- "Well if you wanna know if it was up to me I would prefer you run away with some dodgy boyfriend, at least then I could break his legs." – He smirked wrapping his arms around his waist.

- "Instead of going away to find my real mother?" – Danielle asked quietly as her brother`s relaxed manner gave her the courage to approach the subject she was afraid to bring up.

- "Look Danielle, I wish you were my real sister, I wish our parents were alive. I wish Ronnie Mitchell never came into your life. But me sitting here and wishing won`t change anything." – Gareth carried on trying to keep his guard. - "I was really angry with you after you left, I never phoned, just kept asking dad how you were." – He added brushing his hands over his face.

- "I`m sorry" – Danielle`s head dropped as the feeling of guilt came over her.

- "You shouldn`t be sorry Danielle. The thing is I was angry with you for the wrong reasons. Because you still had your mum and I didn`t. I was stupid and selfish then. I was blaming you but deep down inside I knew I would have done exactly the same thing because just like you I would have liked to know."

- "Well, now I do know and sometimes I think it would have been better if I didn`t." – Danielle stated sadly.

- "So why don`t you throw it away?" – He asked looking at his confused sister.

- "What?"

- "The locket. Why do you still keep it? Throw it away."

- "I...I don`t..." – Danielle tripped over the words trying to say something that would make sense.

- "Yes you do, you still have it. In fact it`s in your pocket right now." – He answered pointing towards the chain sticking out from her jumper`s pocket.

- "What, you`re gonna keep it for another 19 years? Staring at it every single day, just like you have been since you were eight? – He kept staring at Danielle as she tried to quickly push the locket inside her pocket. - "Look I don`t know what`s gonna happen. I mean between you and Ronnie. But I know that the longer you gonna sit in here and think the more difficult it`s gonna be to go back."

- "Besides I think she owes you some explanations. "- He stood up leaving Danielle alone by the table and made his way towards the kitchen window. He took a deep breath thinking if he was doing the right thing. _I won`t help you, I won`t push her into your arms. It`s up to her. _Was he pushing Danielle? All he wanted was to show her that she could make her own decisions and he would accept them, but what if Danielle really decided to leave? What if Ronnie turned out not to be who she tried to convince him she was? What if Danielle got hurt? What if she forgot him?

- "But I can`t leave you,...I..." – He turned around as Danielle`s voice disturbed the whirlpool of the thoughts occupying his mind.

- "Oh yes you can and don`t worry, I`ll be alright." – He said with pretended confidence knowing that Danielle already made her decision and the only thing he could do was to trust her.

- "Are you sure?" – Danielle asked meekly.

- "Do what you think is right for you, and whatever you decide I`ll understand." – He gently smiled feeling sad and lost but at the same time proud that he managed to overcome his own needs and fears.

Danielle was sitting on the bed looking around her room when her eyes stopped on the bag that was still unpacked since she came back from London. Gareth was right, the more time she would spend in here the more difficult it would be to go back. Now when Ronnie knew everything should have been easier but in fact it was more difficult. The last seven months was filled with more disappointment and pain than her entire life. And if it was about security and certainty Danielle wouldn`t put her foot again on the Albert Square. But as much as she wanted to listen to her mind, her actions were always dictated by a more powerful tool, her heart. And as much as unsecure and uncertain she felt she knew were her heart was and it wasn`t Telford.

- "Go on!" – Danielle lifted her head to see her brother standing by the door to her bedroom looking at the exactly same spot as she was just a few seconds before. She smiled at him lifting the bag and placing it on the bed.

- "Mum was spot on, wasn`t she?" – She turned to Gareth before he disappeared behind the door.

- "What?" –He asked surprised.

- "Your name. Gareth the Gentle."

- "Well, let`s stick to GG. Especially in front of girls."- He smiled and left his sister to go through her belongings before the journey he knew she was ready to take on.

Danielle sighed heavily looking at the content of the back and pulled the phone from her pocket. - "Hi Stace it`s me. I was wandering if you still have a bed for me in there."


	19. Chapter 19

_**Hi guys. Long wait but this chapter took me some time and I hope it`s worth it. Let me know what you think. I always look forward to your reviews. Thanks! **_

Danielle opened her eyes feeling the warmth of the April sun gently piercing through her eyelids. She swiftly pulled the duvet over her head and pressed her uninjured arm to her chest wrapping her fingers around her silver security blanket. She closed her eyes trying to remind herself that this was what she wanted, because now when the truth was out everything was supposed to be easier, no need to hide or pretend anymore. But the burden of Danielle`s secret was lifted only to be replaced by another one, the burden of shame, guilt and regret and because of that emotional mixture being back in Walford wasn`t easy at all. Only the thought of facing all the people from Albert Square terrified her, after all taking the title of the official biggest nutcase of the Square was not something she volunteered for. And even if they didn`t think that way she didn`t know what was worse being crazy or bearing the consequences of being the long lost daughter of the most hated woman on the Square.

- "Oh you`re awake. Finally." – Stacy quietly opened the bedroom door and turned towards the bed seeing lazy movements under the duvet. - "I thought you were not planning to get up at all today." – She threw her jacket on the bed near Danielle`s legs.

- "Yeah, sorry Stace. Listen if you want me to help you on the stall, don`t mind but I don`t really feel like going out." – Danielle dragged herself from under the blanket and sat on the edge of the bed putting her knees under her chin.

- "Help me on the stall? I`ve already closed it. It`s afternoon Dan."

- "What? How long was I sleeping?" – Danielle pulled her phone from under the pillow and pressed on the keyboard rubbing her eyes.

- "Long enough. I didn`t want to wake you since you came back in the middle of the night" – Stacy replied picking up a gown from the back of the chair as she chaotically threw it in Danielle`s direction missing the bed.

- "Thanks!" – Danielle placed her feet on the carpet and stretched her arm to lift the gown from the ground. As she touched the floor she felt a cold piece of glass under her fingers. - "Stace?" – She gave her a questioning look holding an empty bottle of vodka in her hand.

- "What? It was a very cold winter this year. The best way to keep you warm. Ain`t it?" – Stacy replied shaking her shoulders with a cheeky smile on her face.

- "Don`t you think you rushed a bit. It`s still quite cold outside."

- "That`s exactly why I have another one in there."

- "Speaking of cold what are you planning to do about Ronnie?" – Stacy turned to Danielle with a smirk on her face.

- "I don`t know. I don`t really have any plan?" – Danielle replied meekly ignoring her friend`s however justified but still a bit tactless comparison as she kneeled by the bed and opened her bag.

- "Well, I`m sure it`s better that way. That thing with getting-Ronnie-to-like-me- first didn`t work at all." – Stacy carried on as she opened the wardrobe and started to move around some of her clothes to make space for Danielle`s - "To be honest I`m surprised she`s not here yet. She was stalking me the whole week asking about you. She should have been banging on the door since last night." – She looked at Danielle who was still kneeling taking the things out of her bag - "What exactly did you tell her to keep her away?"

- "Dan?" – She put her hand on Danielle`s shoulder as she didn`t respond. - "She does know you`re here doesn`t she?" – But Danielle still didn`t say anything, she just kept taking the clothes out of the bag and placing them on the bed - "Dan?"

- "No!" – Danielle replied sadly and sat on the edge of the bed.

- "You didn`t tell her?" – Stacy froze opposite her best friend completely confused. - "Why?"

- "Cause I didn`t know what to say. I don`t want her to think that I..." – She wanted to say _need her_, but she couldn`t, she felt too exposed and even though she was talking to her best friend after all these months the icy exterior that Ronnie Mitchell was carrying around proved to be so infectious that even Danielle gave in to it. The fear of yet another disappointment and rejection was too much to take and now she was slowly closing off, creating a shell that she hoped would always keep her safe - "I just don`t want her to do things because she feels she has to" – She rested her elbows on her knees and put her head in her hands taking a deep breath.

- "Maybe she doesn`t feel that way." – Stacy sat next to her and put her hand on top of Danielle`s head realizing how insecure and scared her friend felt. She looked nothing like a happy and full of life girl who came to Walford all those months ago. -"Just go and tell her you`re here." – She tried to comfort her friend, but Danielle didn`t say anything, she just kept staring at the floor. - "Dan, for goodness sake, just do it." – Stacy left the bed agitated with her friend`s unresponsive behaviour. Even though Danielle`s tendency to get lost in her fairytales whenever she was talking annoyed Stacy at times, this new completely deprived on any emotions Danielle scared her. She didn`t know anymore if her friend was saying the things she meant or if she was just trying to carefully select the right words not to overexpose herself. Her heart wasn`t on her sleeve anymore, she was becoming cold and distant and for Stacy this all felt too familiar.

- "Ok I will, but first I need to get my head straight." – Danielle responded coldly and went back to unpacking her bag.

- "Well, don`t take too long. Like another seven months. Look don`t think too much, just go and talk to her. I gotta to go. I`ve got new stock coming in and since you don`t want to go out, I guess I`ll see you later, yeah." – Stacy picked up the jacket from the bed and put it on making her way towards the door.

- "Stace if you see Ronnie. Can you, well you know." – Danielle lifted her head and shouted back just before Stacy disappeared behind the door.

- "What? You think I will tell her you`re here and risk being pinned against the wall by the incredible Mrs Hulk again. No thanks. See you!" – She replied with a smile and left her friend to unpack.

Danielle sat on the floor pulling out her belongings from the bag trying to organise her thoughts. But the memories of the tragic night were coming back like ghosts, unwelcomed and deaf to her pleas to just leave her alone. The sting of her mother`s words was still there, the seed was planted and now it was growing inside her body making it less and less hers. She looked up glancing over the familiar shapes searching for some sort of distraction when her eyes stopped on the mirror hanging on the wall. She just sat there staring at her image as if she was staring at someone else. It wasn`t her anymore. The journey to find everything she always dreamed of was over, it finished on a cold street leaving her with nothing but a broken heart. Someone else died that night and it didn`t happen in the wreckage of the car under the heavy weight of a broken tree. It wasn`t only her dad she was saying goodbye to that night. Her mother`s words were ringing in her ears like a record replayed over and over again as she sat with her eyes locked on the mirror. Every moment of the last seven months passing in front of her eyes, her struggles and pain, and yet she felt nothing, she was completely detached. She lowered her gaze and looked at the reflection of the locket hanging around her neck. If she could only let it go, if she could only convinced herself that she didn`t need it, that she didn`t need Ronnie, but she couldn`t. The memory of her mother`s soft touch and the warmth of her embrace was still there and Danielle wanted it more than anything else. She leant forward towards the bed trying to reach some of the clothes that got stuck underneath and pulled out an untouched bottle of vodka that Stacy was keeping there for cold days.

- "Do you think she`s gonna be alright?" – Roxy looked outside her bedroom hearing Aunty Peggy fidgeting around the kitchen.

- "Who, Aunty Peg? Of course she will. She`s one tough cookie." – Ronnie smiled at sleeping Amy bending over the cot.

- "Oh I don`t know. She came back, happy like nothing happened. Then she kicked out Phil from the Vic, just like that."- Roxy quietly closed the bedroom door and sat on the edge of the bed.

- "It`s Peggy Mitchell we`re talking about. Nothing`s just like that." – Ronnie`s fingers were barely touching Amy`s cheek trying not to wake her up while her other hand was tenderly brushing over the top of the locket pressed to her chest. The softness of Danielle`s skin and her beautiful coconut scent were haunting her since the day Danielle had left the hospital. The pain of separation was now unbearable and absolutely nothing was able to bring any sort of comfort.

- "Would you believe that they were supposed to be getting married tomorrow?" – Roxy sighed heavily blankly staring at the floor.

- "Is that a regret I sense in your voice?" – Ronnie asked indifferently not taking her eyes of Amy. She slowly turned around after getting no response from her sister. - "Roxy, you`re not being serious. The man is evil." – Ronnie raised her voice shocked with the mixture of disappointment and shame that she saw in her sister`s big blue eyes.

- "I know. Look what he did was horrible and I`m not defending him but... it`s just such a mess now. Everything`s just falling apart." – Roxy stood up and approached her sister trying to calmly explain herself. She didn`t mean to hurt Ronnie, but this inability to see the things the way they were was a result of being constantly forced to choose between her sister and her dad. Torn between her wish to acknowledge the extent of her sister`s pain and desperate attempts to understand and justify her father`s actions made her develop a habit of brushing everything under the carpet. It was easier to think that everything would just resolve itself and get back to the way it was. Ronnie was the one who was always picking up the pieces and even if Roxy wanted to take her place and try to fix everything this time those pieces were too small and no one could ever put them together again. She was fooling herself that maybe after all those years her father and sister finally found a thread to understand each other but it didn`t need much to see how thin that thread was and how easily breakable.

- "Well, good. Maybe it should have fallen apart a long time ago." – Ronnie angrily pressed on the door handle furious with her sister`s naive nature and after storming out of the bedroom made her way down the stairs.

- "What are you doing Ron? Where are you going?" – Roxy followed her to the hallway trying to pull her sister`s arm but she was already gone - "Ronnie!"

After leaving the Vic Ronnie turned straight towards the flat. It was an early evening but it was already beginning to get dark. Even though the cold wind was causing her cheeks to ache being outside felt good, it was inside that was suffocating her. She was passing familiar faces seeing that everything was going back to normal, to the way it was before, just like nothing happened. But the world has as many central points as many human beings living in it and for Ronnie that world broke into pieces on the night of the accident and she couldn`t believe how anyone or anything cold have survived this massive earthquake. She wanted to run away from everyone and everything, shut the door to her old life forever and focus on the future and that future was Danielle. But where do you go if you want to run away from yourself, from your own guilt? She took the phone out of the coat`s pocket and pressed on the calling button. There was no answer, only voicemail, so she cancelled the call and pressed the calling button again. She could hear the dialling tone and a quiet ring, but it wasn`t her phone. She cancelled the call and redialled again, this time the ring was very clear, it was less and less distant as she was getting closer to her flat. She stepped onto the road and saw Stacy Slater wrestling with a young girl trying to pull her up from the stairs just by the flat. The girl`s face was hidden behind her blond hair but Ronnie knew straight away who she was and even if her mind was telling her that it wasn`t possible, her heart had already pushed her entire body towards the two women.

- "Danielle?" – Ronnie kneeled in front of her daughter placing both hands on her cheeks as she gently lifted her head trying to look into her eyes. - "What,...what is she doing here? What`s going on Stacy?" – Her hands remained glued to Danielle`s face supporting her head that was falling onto Ronnie`s shoulder. - "Danielle?" – She once again attempted to get through to her daughter but she didn`t respond - "She`s completely drunk. What did you do to her?"

- "Me? I found her like this just before you got here." – Stacy stepped on the side letting Ronnie take over.

- "What? Well, when did she come back?" – Ronnie asked confused not taking her eyes of her daughter -"Danielle, can you hear me?"

- "Last night." – Stacy replied kneeling next to her.

- "What? And you didn`t tell me." – She angrily turned her head towards Stacy - "Danielle, look at me. She`s not responding. Help me get her in." – Ronnie gently wrapped her arms around Danielle`s waist letting her head fall onto her shoulder.

- "What, your place? No way!"

- "Cause dragging her back to your place is a better idea? Now Stacy" – Ronnie ordered and with Stacy supporting her friend from the back they slowly lifted Danielle from the stairs.

- "You can be a real cow at times you know Ron." – Roxy burst inside the living room angrily announcing her presence just before she saw Ronnie kneeling by the couch fussing over her sleeping daughter – "Danielle? What happened to her?"

- "What does it look like, she`s drunk" – Ronnie replied brushing her fingers over Danielle`s face.

- "I don`t understand. Why didn`t she tell me she was coming back?" – She turned to Stacy who was sitting on the chair by the window.

- "I don`t know. I gave up on trying to understand your Mitchell logic a long time ago. First she doesn`t say a word for the whole week, then she turns up in the middle of the night and picks up a bottle of vodka from under the bed. I don`t get her anymore."

- "What? You keep alcohol in your bedroom, knowing that she`s still taking medication? How can you be so irresponsible? Do you have any idea how dangerous it is?" – Ronnie was throwing accusations at Stacy clearly concerned about her daughter`s state.

- "I didn`t know that she was gonna get hammered?"

- "Well, you should have. You were supposed to take care of her." – Ronnie stood up not being able to control her anger.

- "Cause you did a better job, didn`t you?" – Stacy violently pushed the chair away and approached Ronnie.

- "Oi, watch your mouth." – Roxy stood between the two women and angrily pointed her finger towards Stacy.

- "Stop it!" – Ronnie shouted towards them - "Just go both of you."

- "What? I`m not leaving Danielle with you." – Stacy opposed the idea of leaving Danielle with Ronnie and even though she knew that dragging her back to hers was not an option she couldn`t give Ronnie satisfaction by admitting that she was right.

- "Well you don`t have a choice. This is my place and Danielle is my daughter, whether you like it or not." – Ronnie replied coldly and kneeled back by the couch covering Danielle with a blanket.

- "I`m coming back first thing in the morning." – Stacy stated calmly and left.

- "You too Roxy." – Ronnie uttered without looking at her sister.

- "What?" – Roxy asked not believing her ears.

- "Out!"

- "Fine!" – Roxy furiously ran out of the leaving room and shut the door after leaving the flat.

Ronnie pulled the blanket higher making sure that Danielle wasn`t feeling cold, she pressed her cheek to Danielle`s head and gently kissed it. - "What are you doing to yourself, baby?"


	20. Chapter 20

_**Hi guys. I think it`s become a tradition that I start from apologies for such a long delays, but again it was beyond me. I was ill with quite severe flu, as a matter of fact I`m still recovering. The next few chapters of this story were planned from very beginning so I am hoping that it won`t be long before the next update. I do hope you will like chapter no. 20. Please R&R. P.S I am really happy to see R&D stories coming back.**_

The squeak of the tyres, the heavy weight of a tree falling onto the bonnet of the car, the branches restlessly piercing through the broken glass and finally a terrifying sound of a voice, her own voice DAD...! Danielle woke up gasping for air. She almost hysterically pushed the blanket away as if she was trying to release herself from the tight embrace of the wooden tentacles ruthlessly pressing on her lungs, suffocating her to death. She slowly lifted her swollen eyelids breaking out in a cold sweat and feeling goose bumps forming on her skin as soon as looked around recognizing familiar objects.

- "Danielle, are you ok?" – Danielle slowly turned her head that was still terribly aching from the amount of alcohol she had consumed the night before. The voice was familiar but its tone was unusually soft and caring. She breathed in heavily in disbelief and confusion seeing Ronnie kneeling just by the sofa with one hand resting on the pillow gently stroking top of her head and the other one protectively placed on top of the blanket covering her shoulder. She looked so different than Danielle remembered. There was a genuine concern in her blue eyes that now sparked more than ever before and her lips slowly formed into the biggest and kindest smile Danielle had ever seen on that beautiful face. But the girl didn`t even blink she remained staring at her mother trying to process what was happening.

- "You must be wondering what you`re doing here." – Ronnie reluctantly moved her hands away feeling Danielle`s head suddenly shiver under her touch. She sat on the coffee table giving Danielle some space as it was clear that her close presence was making the girl uncomfortable. It was painful for Ronnie to see how insecure and lost her child felt around her, it was far from a perfect mother-daughter relationship she`s always dreamed of. Danielle felt her head spin as she moved her aching body and sat up, she was still nervously looking around the room trying to remind herself how she got here. The confusion was slowly replaced by the embarrassment and her cheeks turned red as the flashbacks of the last night came rushing back - "Um you had too much to drink last night and since it was too far to take you back to the Slaters, we...um, well I decided that it was better for you to stay here." – Ronnie made an attempt to take control noticing that this awkward silence was making Danielle feel more and more tensed. She carefully tried to select the right words not to hurt her daughter in any way. She purposely said _'had too much to drink' _as oppose to _'got drunk'_ not wanting to make her feel as if she thought that Danielle might have had a drinking problem. - "Headache? Here, this will help you." – Ronnie picked up a glass of water with dissolved aspirin from the coffee table and handled it to Danielle as the girl was rubbing her forehead to ease the pain. Danielle took the glass and coughed up to clear her throat that was still burning with every sip. - "I... um. I`m sorry. I..."

-"Hey, it`s ok." – Ronnie tilted her head slightly and smiled hoping that it would make Danielle feel less uncomfortable, the last thing she wanted was her daughter to think that she was disappointed with her. - "I understand, after all you`re young. It happens. And with Roxy, well I`ve seen much worse." – Ronnie chuckled at a desperate attempt to reduce the tension but Danielle remained quiet tightly squeezing the glass in her hands and taking sips one after another. Ronnie sighed heavily moving her eyes away from her daughter not wanting to intimidate her. Although she really wanted to believe that there was nothing wrong with Danielle getting into such a state, that it was just one of those things that you do when you`re young, that she went out and had fun and there was nothing abnormal in it, she couldn't. This situation was far from normal as Danielle didn`t go out to have fun, after all she didn`t have anything to celebrate. Her actions were a result of a desperate need to forget, to deaden the pain and the guilt and the route she chose was terrifying Ronnie, after all she herself had tried that therapy and more than anyone else knew that it would only make things worse. After empting the content of the glass Danielle moved forward to put it on the coffee table but her injured arm got tangled in the blanket. - "Let me help you!"- Ronnie swiftly bended forward taking the glass from Danielle and attempted to lift her daughter`s arm to remove the blanket that got stuck underneath, but as soon as she touched her Danielle moved away - "No, it`s ok. Really I can manage." – the girl replied shyly not daring to look into her mother`s eyes.

Ronnie got up and turned away as she placed the glass on the kitchen top leaving Danielle to sort herself out. The girl`s reaction was hurtful but it didn`t come as a surprise, not after all that had happened. Ronnie sighed heavily as she leant against the kitchen top looking at her daughter trying to realise her arm from the tight embrace of the blanket. - "Is it still hurting you?" – she asked concerned when Danielle`s arm accidently collided with the back of the sofa

- "Sometimes." – Danielle replied pushing the blanket away feeling more relaxed with Ronnie not being that close.

- "Are you still taking the painkillers?" – Ronnie asked deeply concerned of her daughter`s well being.

- "Yeah!" – Danielle said straightening her clothes.

- "Well, maybe then drinking is not such a good idea after all." – She smiled gently and bit her lip not wanting to patronize the girl but as her motherly instincts kicked in she just couldn`t keep her mouth shut, she had to make sure that Danielle was being careful.

- "It`s not like I have a parent to ground me." – Danielle mumbled to herself immediately regretting her words. Even though it was almost a whisper as soon as she looked up and saw the hurt in her mother`s eyes she knew it was loud enough for Ronnie to hear.

_Well deserved_ Ronnie thought to herself not responding to Danielle`s comment as she noticed the guilt that formed on her face and approached the girl kindly smiling. - "You should eat something. I`ll make you something."

- "No." – Danielle got up, even the thought of food make her stomach turn upside down. – I`ll have something later." – She turned to Ronnie who gently nodded in response. Danielle couldn`t believe how different she was. She seemed so nervous, so careful and considered about everything she was saying and doing. Just as if she really cared. She didn`t have a makeup on her face and judging by the pillow and extra blanket folded on the armchair just opposite the sofa she also had a rough night, but for Danielle she still looked so effortlessly beautiful. And only one glance at her mother had always made her aware of her own appearance.

- "Listen, thanks I...I should go. I`m sorry I don`t usually... I mean I don`t really drink. I didn`t mean to cause you any trouble." – Danielle stammered nervously brushing her fingers through her hair trying to put them right.

- "But Danielle I don`t..." – Ronnie stretched her arm trying to touch Danielle`s shoulder as the girl turned towards the hallway before the sound of the ringing phone filled the room.

- "I need to take this. It`s Stace." – Danielle took the phone out of her pocket and with Ronnie nodding in response she disappeared in the hallway.

Ronnie sat on the sofa resting her hands on her laps. She was trying to put together hundreds of thoughts and emotions that were flooding her mind. There were so many things that she wanted to tell Danielle, so many promises she wanted to make and even though this situation was still difficult to comprehend after hiding behind her icy exterior for the last 19 years she absolutely loved the way her heart melted every single time she looked at Danielle. This feeling completely overwhelmed her and now she never wanted it to go away. Ronnie knew that this was her last chance and that now everything was up to Danielle, everything was on her terms. She brushed her fingers over the blanket and pressed it to her chest feeling the warmth of her baby`s body that was still wrapped in it. Ronnie turned her head towards the living room door as the sudden creak of the floorboards made her jump. - "Stacy`s outside. I better go before she comes in here." – Danielle remained by the door, she didn`t dare to walk in back. She wasn`t used to Ronnie being like that and even though her mother`s sudden urge to take care of her made the girl feel safe right now she was too embarrassed, too confused and everything inside her was screaming, telling her to get out.

- "Danielle wait!" – Ronnie quickly pushed the blanket away and got up. - "We should talk. Please, please Danielle. I just want to talk." – Her voice was so gentle almost begging.

- "I can`t do this right now. My head...I..." – Danielle placed her hand on her forehead feeling that her head was about to blast. Yes she wanted to talk, to scream, to hear the answers to all her questions but right now this everything was far too much to take in. This Ronnie was so different and Danielle didn`t have a clue what it meant.

- "It`s ok, I understand. Why don`t you, you know take some rest and maybe you could meet me in the club later on. – Ronnie tilted her head slightly trying to meat Danielle`s eyes but she didn`t respond. It felt like walking on broken glass. Ronnie was desperate to do and say the right things, she couldn't bring her child anymore disappointment. But right now Danielle was a puzzle and as much as Ronnie wanted to decipher her she didn`t know the right combination and everything was just a method of trial by error. – "Or,... I could come to yours or here or, well anywhere you want." – She carried on without any brakes hoping that she gave Danielle enough options that she knew that this decision was hers.

- "No it`s fine. The club`s fine." – Danielle replied quietly and pressed on the door handle as she turned around.

- "I`ll see you then." – Ronnie lifted her arm to touch Danielle`s shoulder, trying to hold on to her even just for a few seconds more but the girl was already gone.

- "Dan!" – Stacy`s voice reached Danielle as she was making her way down the stairs after leaving Ronnie`s flat. "Dan you`re ok?" – She added calmly as she reached her friend.

- "Yeah!" – Danielle indifferently shook her shoulders.

- "Sorry! I didn`t mean to leave there..." – She spoke quietly trying to catch up with Danielle who was energetically marching towards their home.

- "It`s fine Stace. I won`t shout at you. My head`s killing me."

- "Well, you still have a lot to learn. But don`t worry, spend more time with me and I`ll teach you how to drink." – She snickered proudly.

- "Oh wow. I can`t wait." – Danielle replied with an obvious irony in her voice.


	21. Chapter 21

_**Hi guys there`s another chapter. Hope you will like it. I`m looking forward to your opinions. I promise there will be more touching moments in the next chapter.**_

Ronnie`s head was hanging over her desk as her finger followed a column of numbers from top to bottom over and over again, hundreds of times. It was a simple calculation, normally she would do it with her eyes closed, but not today. Her mind went into overdrive from thinking, from trying to piece all her feelings together, the mixture of fear and excitement. She kept flicking her eyes between a sheet of paper in her hand a mobile phone resting on the desk. She could feel the sweat on top of the pen as she kept squeezing it between her fingers and nervously jiggling her legs under the desk. Suddenly she lifted her eyebrows and held her breath when she heard a sound of somebody`s footsteps behind the office door.

- "We`ve got a delivery." – Dawn energetically pulled the door and stepped inside the office making Ronnie almost jump from her seat. – "And I don`t think this can wait" – She carried on moving her eyes from Jack who was standing by his desk holding a phone by his ear to Ronnie who completely ignored her exhaling with disappointment and relaxed in the chair.

- "I can`t do this right now Jack. I`m waiting for Danielle." – Ronnie lifted the papers from the desk in response to Jack`s nod.

- "Well, I can`t do it either, I`m on the phone with the suppliers. Besides, it`s gonna take you only a while." – He raised his voice clearly annoyed not even looking in her direction before carrying on with his phone call.

- "Fine!" – She angrily put the papers on the desk and got up almost colliding with Dawn on her way out from the office.

Danielle made her way down the stairs and looked around the club. It was empty, she could hear some voices coming from the side of the back door but she couldn`t work out who they belong to, so she turned towards the office door. Her legs felt as if they were made from a sponge, weak and unsteady. This whole situation still seemed completely surreal to her, after all these months Ronnie finally knew who she was and although Danielle was relieved she was also scared of getting hurt again. She gently knocked and after hearing a male voice telling her to come in she pulled the door.

- "Oh Danielle. Ronnie told me you were back." – Jack got up from his chair holding a file that he took out from the desk`s draw - "Look, I`m really sorry about your dad." – He added giving her a gentle smile.

- "Oh, thanks!" – Danielle replied shyly as she glanced at Ronnie`s desk noticing her mobile phone buried in the pile of papers and her coat resting on the back of the chair -"Where`s Ronnie?"

- "She`s at the back with a delivery. She should be back any minute. That is if she didn`t mix up anything with the orders. Otherwise it`s gonna take ages. She`s been really useless in the last few days. I believe it`s down to you." – He lifted his eyebrows giving her a cheeky smile.

- "Me?" – Danielle asked surprised.

- "Yeah, it`s like her mind has been somewhere else." – Jack shook his shoulders chuckling - "So, what are your plans than, I mean with you and Ronnie?" – He put the file on the desk and sat on its edge putting his hands in the pockets.

- "Plans?" – Danielle couldn`t understand why everyone kept asking her about her plans. As if everything was just a matter of proper planning. She didn`t know how she was gonna cope till the end of today let alone planning the rest of her life, and with Ronnie? How could she possibly know what was gonna happen with her and Ronnie? All she wanted was her mother to love her and everything went completely wrong. After all that had happened planning was something she was absolutely terrified to do.

- "Well, you know. Everyone is still in shock. You being Ronnie`s daughter is a big thing, isn`t it. 19 years is a lot of time to catch up. If you ever do catch up. I`m sure you know it`s not that easy, don`t you. And with your mum, well she`s not the easiest person. And right now she`s so vulnerable. I mean, I`ve seen her. What she`s been through, because of you, how much she was hurt. I tried to help, and now with you... she`s not herself anymore" – He slowly approached the girl trying to gain an eye contact with her to see if she understood what he meant and gently touched her shoulder.

Danielle moved away slightly trying to process his words and after a while she lifted her head looking straight into his eyes. - "What do you mean? Am I... am I hurting her?" – She stammered.

- "No Danielle. Of course not. That`s not what I meant." – Jack took a step back defensively shaking his head from side to side.

- "What DID you mean Jack?" – Ronnie`s angry tone of voice almost made the ground shake as she burst inside the office. Her eyes narrowed on him burning with fury as she kept scanning him inch by inch looking for the most fragile spot before digging her nails and teeth in his flesh ripping it piece by piece.

- "I... um, I`ll better wait outside." – Danielle stammered moving her eyes between the pair sensing that something extremely unpleasant was about to happen and not wanting to witness it she pushed the door and left before Ronnie managed to get hold of her arm - "Danielle!"

- "Ronnie!" – Jack squeezed his palm around her wrist stopping her from running out after her daughter - "Look, I`m sorry I really am. But you`ve always been so shut off, and now with Danielle, it`s like she can tear your heart any time. I mean just look at yourself, this girl, she`s making you lose your mind."

- "A girl? She`s my daughter Jack." – Ronnie couldn`t believe her ears. This wasn`t some girl, it was her precious baby, her Amy and even if she was exposing herself, even if she was risking losing her already shattered heart it didn`t matter. He was right Danielle had a power over her, a power that Ronnie herself didn`t understand but despite that this one time she wasn`t scared to get hurt and she was more than willing to give in completely.

- "I know and I know how you feel. With Penny being with her mum..." – He carried on as Ronnie tried to move closer to the door.

- "Yeah, because Penny was dead for 19 years and now suddenly came back to your life. You haven`t got a clue how I feel." – She spat back and with a free hand she reached out and pulled her coat from the chair.

- "I just don`t want you to get hurt." – His grip on her wrist loosened as she moved away and his voice turned to soft and caring as he looked straight into her eyes. He had never seen that kind of passion in them, she never looked at him in that way, she never looked like that at no one. Ronnie Mitchell was finally giving her heart away and it wasn`t him she was giving it to. He didn`t even know why he felt like that, he stood there trying to convince himself that the woman he loved was happy and that was all that mattered. But as much as he loved that new spark that he saw in those big blue eyes, they didn`t spark for him, and as much as he admired that beautiful smile on her face, he wasn`t the one who put it in there. It was obvious that he was losing Ronnie, because now when Danielle was in her life she wouldn`t need him anymore, she wouldn`t need anyone.

- "No you don`t want YOU to get hurt. Now let me go!" – Ronnie swiftly moved her hand and released herself from his touch.

- "I care about you Ron. I really do." – He sighed calmly just as she was about to push the door open and leave.

- "You know what. I might have been able to forgive you cheating on me with your ex-wife. And maybe if I was really, really desperate, there would have been a tiny chance that I could have forgiven you fathering a child with my sister, but this..." – Her voice was cold, calm, calculated, every word thought out - "This I will never forgive you." – She stated firmly and pushed the door open.

Ronnie run outside throwing a coat on top of her shoulders as she kept looking around nervously trying to spot the blond head of her daughter, when she saw a green coat clearly distinguishable from the dark brown colour of the wood on the Arthur`s bench. Danielle was sitting with her head resting on top of her uninjured hand. She looked completely broken as if she didn`t have any will to live anymore.

- "Danielle?" – Ronnie approached her quietly and sat next to her when Danielle lifted her head up "Sweetie, what Jack said. I don`t feel that way. I..." – She spoke softly looking at Danielle`s hand resting on her lap, struggling to stop herself from touching it.

- "I know." – Danielle replied calmly making her mother breathe out with relief. - "But maybe he`s right." – She sighed staring at the ground – "Maybe it would have been better. I mean for you, for Jack, Gareth, maybe even my dad." – She frowned her eyebrows and bit her lip as she looked at her mother`s eyes staring back at her - "Maybe it would have been better if I wasn`t here." – She added sadly almost whispering moving her eyes away in shame.

- "You mean in Walford?" – Ronnie stuttered not wanting to admit that she already knew what Danielle had meant when she noticed a lonely tear wandering on her cheek. Danielle didn`t wish she wasn`t in Walford, she wished she wasn`t at all.

- "Like you said. Having me was the biggest mistake of your life." – Her eyes were locked on Ronnie`s, void of any emotions, completely empty.

- "No, no Danielle." – Ronnie moved closer and this time reached out taking Danielle`s hand into hers - "Listen to me, don`t ever think that way. I didn`t mean it. I have never regretted having you. I`ve been dreaming of you my whole life." – She put her other hand on the girl`s cheek drying the tear with her thumb - "I want to be your mum Danielle, God you have no idea how much I want this. You are everything, you..."

- "No,... I can`t. Why now? After all these months? I tried so hard but you didn`t care. And now you want me. Now Ronnie?" – Danielle shouted as she moved away escaping her mother`s soft touch and got up -"Why, why now?" – She called out one more time before turning away.

Ronnie`s heart sank as she stood watching her baby walk away, feeling completely helpless as the gap between the two of them was becoming bigger and bigger. She could hear the rhythm of her heart turning into a violent tattoo, so she placed her hand on her chest. Her eyes didn`t leave the figure of her precious daughter as she was becoming smaller and smaller. Ronnie`s lips started to tremble as she tried to find the right words, the only words that you can speak when there is absolutely nothing else to say, the words that make a difference between life and death, the words that make you do the most incredible things, the words that move the hardest of hearts. She stood there desperate to stop Danielle from leaving when her mouth suddenly opened, completely unintentionally. She didn`t even noticed it herself, just as if it wasn`t her mind that put her lips into action, as if it was happening beyond its control and with all the heat burning inside her heart in a form of the most passionate and powerful scream that ever filled the streets of the Albert Square, there they were, the perfect words, the most beautiful ones - "Because I love you." – These three words, after 19 years of being forced, pushed through her lips, misused on many occasions, were finally there, light as a feather, leaving her mouth in the most natural way and finally reaching the right person. Ronnie moved forward seeing that Danielle stopped and turned around. - "Please Danielle, just five minutes. I want to show you something." – Ronnie placed her hands on Danielle`s shoulders who stood still absolutely bemused by her mother`s words.


	22. Chapter 22

_**Hi guys, thanks a lot for your reviews on the last chapter. I was really happy with your comments, especially the ones about Jack, as I was a bit worried that maybe he wouldn`t be true to his character. So I am absolutely thrilled to know that this was not the case and that you have actually noticed my intentions, it just makes me fulfilled as a 'writer'. As I said from the beginning I have a clear idea where I want to take this story, but this of course does not mean that I don`t appreciate your comments and suggestions on how to improve it. Therefore your reviews mean really a lot to me. Anyway, about the future chapters: Danielle and Ronnie trying to establish their relationship, Danielle coming to terms with the loss of her dad, her abortion cause I think this cannot be just ignored and left out, and of course the mysterious M from chapters 14 and 15, plus obviously you can`t expect Archie to stay away forever. **_

_**Anyway, the next chapter is quite long, but I hope you won`t get bored with it. As always I`m looking forward to your comments.**_

Ronnie stood frozen in the doorway locking her eyes on Danielle who was motionlessly standing in the middle of the living room aimlessly staring at the floor. She didn`t move since they walked in. Ronnie didn`t know what was going through the girl`s mind, but it was clear that she was on the edge and it wouldn`t be long before she would try and go for a jump. She fought the urge to run towards her daughter, wrap her arms around her, make everything better and just like Danielle she didn`t dare to move for an inch. She just stood there trying to read this broken girl, to find any indication of what Danielle might have wanted her to do. Did she want to be comforted, hugged or did she want Ronnie to stay away? But, however hard she tried the painful truth was that even Danielle was sending any signals Ronnie wasn`t able to recognize them. After living so close to her own flesh and blood for the last seven months, she knew very little. She rushed back in her mind to every conversation she had with Danielle, cracking her brain, trying to gather every piece of information about her daughter: horse riding, music box, the things Gareth had told her. How could any of these be helpful right now? All this time, seven long months, so many occasions, everything she always wanted to know, just waiting for her to reach out and ask, and yet all this time had passed completely wasted.

Ronnie opened her mouth slightly as she finally forced her feet to move forward, but no words came out. She asked Danielle to give her five minutes. Five minutes? What was five minutes? How could she possibly explain how she felt in five minutes if the whole eternity would never be enough? It would have been so much easier if she could cut her chest open and let Danielle see for herself. If she could just see her mother`s heart now beating stronger than ever before. A 19 years old map with rivers of love and tears, gardens of hope and empty deserts filled with pain. All of these with Danielle`s name written all over. If only she could see that, but all Ronnie was equipped with to express her feelings was her mouth, a useless tool that would never be able to utter the perfect words, words that would be beautiful enough.

- "You said you wanted to show me something." – Ronnie lifted her head at the timid almost breaking sound of her daughter`s voice and their eyes met.

- "Yes! Yes I did. Why don`t you take a seat." – She replied softly placing her coat on the back of the chair and pointed towards the sofa before she turned around and disappeared in the hallway.

Danielle cautiously sat on the edge and placed her uninjured arm on her laps feeling her muscles tense as she tried to fit into this less unfamiliar but still alien surrounding. Even though Ronnie was the one who asked Danielle to come here, after seven months of being constantly pushed away she couldn`t help to feel like an intruder just waiting for her mother to tell her to get out. She tentatively looked around the room glancing over the plants on windowsills, pictures of Ronnie and Roxy placed on the side table just at the right angle. Even though every object boldly stated that it belonged to Ronnie Mitchell, Danielle couldn`t help to think that everything looked so, well, normal. No broom hidden behind the door, no magic book waiting for Ronnie to take it whenever she wanted to cast a spell on someone. Every little thing had its own place, keys, mail, everything was organized very neatly. Every tiny object was a part of a track that Ronnie Mitchell was following in the morning every day before leaving the flat, all these usual things were no special, no different to what anyone else did. Danielle glanced at the DVD rack noticing that all the movies were arranged alphabetically. She smiled gently at the thought that her mother`s liking of tidiness so much resembled hers and let herself relax just before getting tensed again as Ronnie walked back into the living room.

Ronnie sat next to Danielle leaving some space between them as she didn`t want to enforce on her daughter any sort of contact even though she herself was craving for it. – "Here"– She slowly stretched her arms moving them away from her chest and as if she was handing over something really precious to her she gave Danielle a pile of what looked like birthday cards. The girl hesitantly took the cards in her hands and after staring at them for a while she started to examine them much closer, one by one, all 19 of them. Ronnie rested her back relaxing on the sofa not taking her eyes of Danielle as she studied her treasure. Her fingers were gently brushing over the notes that were attached to every card, something about her first words, the first step she took, her first day at school, all these things that Danielle shared with someone else, a different mum.

- "I used to buy one every year, on your every birthday" – Ronnie said taking a deep breath and nervously squeezed her hands on top of her knees trying to busy them with something, to stop them from grabbing Danielle. If she could have it her way right now she would sweep Danielle into her arms taking away that choice from her, she would press her against her own burning heart demanding an access to hers. She would reach out and just like a surgeon she would physically remove all the insecurities and doubts from her mind. If it was Roxy she would probably scream her way in with no regards to her objections. But this was different, different rules applied, Ronnie had to be gentle and patient, obediently follow Danielle`s orders as this time for a change she was the one holding all the cards.

- "Why are you showing this to me?" – Danielle frowned turning her head towards her mother overwhelmed but also confused with her gesture. Ronnie Mitchell, who never bothered to give even a minute of her precious time to anyone used to go the shop every year on the 26th of June and buy a birthday card and then she sat down writing notes on it which judging by the small pictures of flowers and hearts must had taken her a lot of time and effort. And if this wasn`t enough she kept all these cards wrapped in a beautiful pink ribbon for 19 years. All this for her, for Danielle, a daughter she never wanted.

- "Well, because they`re yours." – Ronnie moved forward gently trying to encourage Danielle with a smile.

- "I can`t take them. I`m sorry, I can`t."- Danielle placed the cards on the coffee table and got up from the sofa leaving Ronnie completely confused.

- "It`s ok. It`s fine. You don`t have to. If you don`t want to you don`t have to."- Ronnie got up following Danielle and softly spoke towards her back trying to ease the obvious tension that formed between them. – "I just thought that if I showed them to you, I thought that maybe it would be easier. That maybe I could explain what had happened, and we could talk and maybe you would understand and with time you would stop hating me. "- Ronnie carried on talking to her daughter`s back as Danielle once again froze in the middle of the room.

- "I don`t hate you. I..."- Danielle turned around meeting her mother`s gaze and after taking a deep breath she relaxed on the chair by the window. It was the same place where after so many months of trying she finally felt her mother`s warm embrace. But just like everything else that also was short-lived. Whatever Danielle found that day in Ronnie`s arms was soon taken away by her words. Ronnie`s admission that having her baby was the biggest mistake of her life was the cruellest thing Danielle had ever heard in her entire life. – "I don`t get you." – She sighed heavily placing her arm on her laps.

Ronnie found a new courage as Danielle`s statement kept ringing in her ears. How could she possibly get her? How could anyone, after all Ronnie Mitchell`s hot and cold routine would confuse even the brightest. She kneeled in front of Danielle and placed her hand on top of her daughter`s. To her surprise the girl didn`t even move so Ronnie let her thumb gently brush over Danielle`s fingers.

- "I wanted to tell you straight away. I even thought that maybe I wouldn`t have to, that you would look at me and would know. Just like that." – Danielle smiled sadly to herself and looked at Ronnie`s hand frozen on top of hers. She lifted her head meeting her mother`s gaze. Ronnie`s eyes were slowly filling with tears as Danielle`s words seemed so familiar, just like her own, _I will look at her and I will know straight away. That`s her, that`s my Amy. _The dream they both shared never came true.

- "But then I saw you"- Danielle was blankly staring at the space in front of her reminding herself of the first time she saw her mum. – "You were so beautiful, so perfect, and I wasn`t good enough." – She looked back down straight into Ronnie`s eyes – "And in the last seven months I realized that I never will be."

- "That`s not true Danielle and I am so sorry I made you feel that way." – Ronnie was tightly squeezing Danielle`s hand in both of her hands not wanting to let go. The girl`s hurt and pain made it difficult to fight her own tears that were slowly covering her cheeks. – "You`re more than I could have ever dreamed of." – She squeezed her hand even tighter moving her head from side to side wanting to say so many things. 19 years worth of explanations and promises, but it wasn`t that easy. Ronnie had caused Danielle more pain than she had ever caused anyone and simple declarations of love, however honest, wouldn`t repair the damage. – "I am so sorry for the things I said, for the last seven months, for everything. I never meant to hurt you." – Tears were now streaming down her face. Her hands were moving chaotically with Danielle`s hand trapped between them, almost in panic as the girl`s fingers slowly slipped away.

- "I don`t believe you. " – Danielle released herself from her mother`s touch and after leaving the chair she stopped by the door. Ronnie got up but didn`t move towards her daughter. She was scared of pushing her too far. She couldn`t see Danielle`s face but she could hear her heavy breathing, a mixture of pain and anger. – "I saw it. The way you looked at me. This anger, this hate. I heard the things you said to me, every single word. I know you meant it."- Danielle`s voice became darker and darker as she kept reaching into the deepest corners of her soul to free this pain that was eating her from inside for so long.

- " No Danielle I didn`t. I swear on my life, I didn`t mean it. It`s just what I do. It`s become like a second nature to me. Because of you."- Ronnie placed her hand on her chest gasping for air with every word she spoke trying to rush back the tears. There was a clear desperation in her voice, she wasn`t asking, she was begging. She tried to move towards Danielle a few times but every time she took a step forward, Danielle took a step back, so instead Ronnie just wrapped her hand around her locket and remained in that position.

- "Because of me?"- Danielle shouted in her direction shocked by her words. – "Because I came into your life? Because you didn`t get rid of me in time?"

- "BECAUSE I LOST YOU!" – Danielle didn`t even finish when Ronnie`s dark scream filled the living room soon followed by silence. It wasn`t anger though, Danielle quickly recognized the passion and pain hiding behind every of these few words. They sounded just like that time in the Vic when she questioned Ronnie about her Amy. It was the same fear and the same desperation that was pouring out from every word that had left her mouth that day. _Getting over the loss of a child was the most difficult thing I ever had to do._ Danielle`s eyes followed her mother`s broken body a she sat on the coffee table and sighed heavily. She pushed Ronnie for answers, but this image of her mother that she was being exposed to right now was something that Danielle didn`t expect to see. The cold, evil, distant Ronnie was gone. This wasn`t Ronnie Mitchell Danielle knew, immune to emotions, almost as if she was love proof, and right now the girl was looking at someone who was just deeply hurt, simply in pain.

- "When you were born. I... I remember. I held you." – Danielle shivered as her mother suddenly broke the silence with the sad tone of her voice. She wasn`t moving, just sitting on the edge of the coffee table with her eyes staring at the floor. – "Two hours and twenty three minutes. That`s how long I had with you and then you were taken away. "- She brushed her fingers over her face removing the smudges of mascara from under her eyes. – "I still remember the way you smelled, the way you yawned. Your tiny fingers clutching onto my thumb. "- Her eyes closed and arms made an involuntary movement and rested around her waist, as if she was trying to feel an invisible weight of something that wasn`t there. – "Last year my dad told me that you had died when you were six. Everything changed. Since I gave you away, this hope that I would find you and see you again was what kept me alive. And when he said, when he lied I found out it would never happen. I would never see you again." – She took a deep breath and pushed her hair away from her face tucking them behind her ears. – "I push people away, never let anyone in. Loosing you thought me that. I mean how can I give my heart to anyone when it belongs to you?" – Her head turned towards Danielle who was still standing by the door hanging onto every word her mother spoke. – "And after all these years seeing you standing here, knowing that you`re mine, my own flesh and blood." – Her voice was full of pride and warmth, her eyes full of joy as she traced Danielle`s body from head to toes.

- "It`s just DNA"- Danielle snapped turning her eyes away.

- "No! No Danielle." – Ronnie got up and stood opposite her daughter. – "I know it`s difficult to understand. I can`t explain it myself but I know how I feel and I know it`s there and it`s real. I love you more than anything Danielle and I always will. Whatever happens, whatever you say or do. Nothing will ever make me stop loving you. " – She pressed her hands to her chest begging Danielle to believe her as the tears slowly started to fill the girl`s eyes. She was pleading with her voice, her eyes, with her stretched arm trying to touch her daughter, she was pleading with her whole body.

- "Why are you doing this to me? Why are you making it so hard?" – Danielle was slowly giving up not being able to control the flow of the tears, not being able to keep up the shield that she put on since she walked in here. Ronnie`s words only increased the pain, the anger and she just wanted to let it all out. She was waiting for these words for so long and finally there they were. But did it really have to happen this way? Did she really have to lose her dad? Was this the price she had to pay to get what she wanted? – "I can`t do this. Ever since my mum got ill, everyone kept telling me _You have to be strong Danielle, _but I can`t. I can`t anymore." – Her voice became weaker and weaker with every sob, her body heavier and heavier as if she was going to collapse any time. Ronnie slowly moved forward, her daughter`s tears were breaking her heart, ripping it into pieces. – "It`s ok. You don` have to. I can be strong for you, for both of us." - She was almost there, almost touching her baby.

- "Your words, my dad, his face. I live it every day. I hear it whenever I close my eyes, this scream. But it`s not him, it`s me. I`m screaming and I can`t stop it. I didn`t mean it. I only wanted to find you and now he`s gone and I am so sorry." – Danielle cried out with her last breath. Her voice was dark and deep accompanied by a violent creak of a breaking heart. Through the showers of tears that were blurring her vision she saw Ronnie standing just in front of her. Her beautiful, blue eyes were filled with tears just like Danielle`s. The girl could feel her legs getting weaker and weaker, slowly failing to keep her body upright. Danielle closed her eyes feeling her mother`s hands slowly move around her waist and rest on her back. Her palm turned into fist and with all the anger and pain that was still left in her she forced it to collide with Ronnie`s shoulder just before realising another cry. – "I am so sorry." Ronnie however didn`t move her hands, the more Danielle was hitting her, the tighter she was holding her lifeless body, taking one punch after another. – "I am so sorry." – She kept sobbing uncontrollably as the movements of her tiny fist became weaker and slowed down. Her palm slowly opened up and the fingers forcefully pressed against the shoulder as hard as possible, desperate to hold on to it. – "I am so sorry."- the last cry was quickly followed by her mother`s soft voice. – "I know. It`s ok. Everything`s gonna be ok." Danielle gave up letting her head rest on Ronnie`s collarbone, tucked under her chin, her hand was glued to her shoulder not wanting to let go just before her legs completely gave in and they both collapsed onto the floor. Danielle`s body was now resting on Ronnie`s laps. Her mother`s arms were wrapped around her waist, one of them stroking the girl`s back and the other gently brushing through Danielle`s hair. – "It`s ok baby. I`m right here. I promise you, everything`s going to be ok. I`ll make it ok. I love you so much."- Ronnie was pressing one kiss after another to the top of her baby`s head as the girl kept sobbing. She was holding her baby in her arms, her Amy, her Danielle. She could feel her heartbeat, her touch, the warmth of her body, it`s weight. She felt so fragile and weak, Ronnie thought that if she squeezed her arms any harder Danielle would break in two. She was waiting for this for 19 years, dreaming of this moment every day, praying for it to come and finally it was there. But it was so much more than she ever expected. The feelings and emotions that were filling her heart right now was something that Ronnie Mitchell was not prepared for. Every tear that Danielle shed felt like a thorn pierced through her heart and every smile that appeared on that beautiful face was magic. She never felt prouder or stronger. Right now she knew that she would never give up, that if Danielle wanted to scream or get angry she would be there to make sure that the girl would have enough strength and courage to throw at her whatever she would feel she had to. She knew that she would learn by heart every sign, every gesture and this time she wouldn`t miss any single one of them. She would recognize every expression, every tiny detail on her baby`s face. Right now she was determined more than ever to break through that shield that Danielle was using to protect herself and she would reach to the deepest corners of her soul and dig out her confidence and innocence, all those things she herself so violently had crashed and this time she would do anything to protect them. And absolutely nothing was ever gonna go wrong. After all what can go wrong when you`re in love?


	23. Chapter 23 Author needs help

_**Hi guys I just wanted to ask you to help me as I am in two minds about this story. I take such long breaks that I just want to know if you still want me to carry on. Let me know please if you will still be reading it regardless of me taking long breaks with updates. Thanks.**_


	24. Chapter 24

**_Hi guys thanks a lot for your reviews on the last chapter and your help with regards to if I should carry on or not. I want to point out that I wasn`t trying to flatter myself through your responses, but I know how difficult is to follow a story when the updates are not as frequent. But I am delighted to find out that you don`t mind me taking long breaks as due to changes in my life I can`t promise anything, well except that I will carry on with this story. I actually haven`t gone even halfway of what I have planned for it and since the EE have given me some ideas on how to develop this story even further I guess I will be writing for a while. I just hope my ideas and style will live up to your expectations (suggestions always welcome). Anyway, it was a long wait, but here it is chapter 24. Hope you like it. R&R please. _**

Danielle`s head was resting on Ronnie`s collarbone, tucked under her mother`s chin. She could feel the softness of Ronnie`s fingertips gently stroking her cheek while her other arm was wrapped around the girl`s back, touching her shoulder. She could hear Ronnie`s heartbeat, it`s calm but strong rhythm proved that she actually had one, this quiet sound felt surprisingly soothing and comforting. Ronnie`s knees remained closely pressed against Danielle`s as if she tried to stop even the tiniest gap from forming between the two of them. Danielle didn`t remember when they got up from the floor and ended up on the couch. She just sat there staring at this very spot, where just moments ago she felt Ronnie`s warm embrace. The mixture of now dry tears and mascara turned into a thick, sticky substance making her eyelids feel much heavier than usual when she moved her eyes from the floor to the coffee table. She glanced over the birthday cards pushed onto the side of it forming a rather messy pile which clearly stood out from the immaculate tidiness of the rest of the living room.

- "That Christmas Card." – Danielle suddenly lifted her head at this uninvited thought that let itself in to her mind by force and met her mother`s gaze. – "The one you,...you threw away." – She added sadly noticing a questioning look formed on Ronnie`s face.

- "The one Jack gave me?" – Ronnie asked swallowing the gulp in her throat as Danielle slowly retreated from her arms getting stiff once again. The moment of silence and disappointment that filled Danielle`s eyes was enough for her to know – "It was from you." – She whispered sadly to herself. - "Danielle I`m sorry. If I..." – Ronnie moved closer trying to close the small gap that emerged between the two of them as Danielle perched herself on the edge of the couch.

- "Yeah I know, if you had known." – The girl cut in before turning sideways towards her mother and concentrated her eyes on a tiny crack in the floorboards.

- "I wish I could change things. Take back everything I... I said and did." – Ronnie sighted heavily not daring to move any closer. Her eyes kept flicking between Danielle`s face and her hand that was now resting on her laps. It was the same hand that was clutching onto her thumb just after the birth and the same one that just a few moments ago was so desperately holding onto her shoulder. This beautiful pink, perfect in every detail palm was now away, once again out of reach. Ronnie bit her lip cursing the limitations of her vocabulary, trying to find the right words, as the blissful bubble that they both were wrapped in just moments ago was slowly getting ready to burst. The reality was creeping in filling Ronnie`s mind with images from the last seven months. She tried to concentrate on those pleasant ones, but there were so very few of them and even those were soon followed by a stab of her cold and distant side that she so perfectly mastered over the last 19 years. Just like with the Christmas Card, a warm gesture, only to be returned with a swift movement of her hand tearing it into pieces in front of Danielle`s eyes. Ronnie nervously licked her lips as the girl moved away creating an even bigger gap between them. She could feel a sour taste hit the tip of her tongue, her own medicine, a taste of rejection.

- "I was, I don`t know six when I found out about the adoption, but when you`re that little it doesn`t mean anything, it`s just a word." – Danielle`s gaze didn`t leave the floor as she suddenly opened her mouth. - "I was told I was special, because I had two mummies and two daddies. I felt, I don`t know, happy, I guess." – She shook her shoulders and gently smiled to herself. - "But then as I was growing up I learned the meaning and somehow it wasn`t fun being special anymore." – Her voice became sad and turned into almost a whisper. - "Still, I was lucky. I had a great family." - She turned her head towards Ronnie and nodded as that gentle smile reappeared for a short moment before leaving her face again - "But it`s like being two people at the same time, because you want to be loyal, not to hurt anyone, to just carry on, but then you have those feelings... You tried to push them aside, but there`s always something to trigger them. It can be something as simple as looking every day in the mirror or a family picture. You look at your face and try to work out, see someone else in it."- Danielle brushed her hands over her face removing the black remains of mascara from under her eyes and sighed heavily once again concentrating her eyes on the floor. - "And it`s always there, it doesn`t go away."

- "I know that feeling." – Ronnie sighed - "There wasn`t a day when I wasn`t thinking about you." – she closed her eyes and unintentionally moved her hand upwards wrapping her fingers around the locket. This deeply personal gesture didn`t go amiss as Danielle turned her head towards Ronnie and taking advantage of the fact that her mother`s eyes remained closed the girl started to study every movement of her fingers. The gentle touch of her thumb following a round shape of the locket until her hand dropped on her laps and Danielle felt Ronnie`s eyes staring at her. The girl gave her a weak, sympathetic smile before returning to her previous position and buried her head in her hand. - "I`m tired Ronnie. I`m tired of fighting, of trying. I`m just tired." – she rubbed her forehead pushing the hair back.

- "Well, let me then. Let me fight and try, for you, for us. I mean if you want to. I know I do." – Ronnie replied with determination.

- "I,... I don`t understand. You`re so different. Why are you being like this?" – Danielle turned to her mother still finding it difficult to understand this sudden change in her mother`s behaviour - "You don`t know me at all. You... you don`t even like me."- her voice was almost inaudible as she spoke her last words.

- "I...um" – Ronnie stammered trying to process the girl`s words. She couldn`t blame Danielle for thinking this way. But for Ronnie it was never a matter of liking or not liking her and even when this beautiful, young girl wasn`t Amy but just Danielle, hurting her was not something that Ronnie Mitchell was relishing in. The push-away routine came so natural to her, it was just too simple to execute. But right now she would give anything, never to learn this destructive technique as this desperate attempt to hold on to past have almost cost her the future. Ronnie opened her mouth a few times trying to push through her lips something that would bring Danielle some comfort, to assure her that her mother`s feelings were real, but she didn`t know what to say. She was used to thinking not feeling. Feelings were something that she pushed aside, something that she had to hide. She couldn`t open up even though she really wanted to, she was too scared to pressurise Danielle, to make her think that she didn`t have a choice, that she had to return Ronnie`s feelings regardless of if she wanted to or not. Ronnie closed her eyes and took a deep breath trying to switch off all the cells in her brain and as she did she didn`t have to strive to find the right words anymore, they came naturally - "I know that you like Breakfast at Tiffany`s,..." – Danielle lifted her head and looked at Ronnie completely confused. Her big brown eyes kept staring at her as if she was some sort of lunatic, but Ronnie ignored the feeling of embarrassment that Danielle`s reaction brought onto her and carried on regardless – "...Romeo and Juliet. I know that when you were little you used to sneak into Gareth`s room to give him sweets. I know that you move your hair away from your face in the exactly same way as I do." – The confusion slowly disappeared from the girl`s face and she was just simply looking at her mother listening to every word she spoke. – "I like the way you smile, your tiny dimples. I like the way you move your eyes with excitement. I like how sensitive and kind you are"- Ronnie slowly moved towards Danielle not daring to break the eye contact – "I even like this persistence of yours, cause I think you`ve got it after me" – she chuckled - "I know it`s not much, but "- she lifted her arm and gently brushed the girl`s cheek tucking Danielle`s hair behind her ear - "...maybe it could be a start." – she raised her eyebrows encouraging Danielle to say something.

- "Maybe!" – Danielle replied quietly trying to suppress the spark of happiness that Ronnie`s words stroke in her heart. - "But it`s not just you, Ronnie. It`s...." – She paused looking down at the bandages covering her arm, a remainder of the painful reality. - "There are so many things I have to deal with and I just... I don`t know how."- she stated sadly as she covered her face with her uninjured arm focusing her gaze on the floor. Ronnie got up from the couch and knelt opposite her daughter. Danielle was lost, and hurt, she needed help and Ronnie knew she had to take control, to show Danielle that she could be strong for her, just like a real mum would be.

- "I know how hard it must be for you." – Ronnie placed her hand on top of the bandages covering Danielle`s arm.

- "Do you? You know how I feel?" – The girl lifted her head and boldly asked, almost challenging Ronnie with the brave tone of her voice.

- "No!" – Ronnie replied sadly - "I don`t know how you feel. But I know what grief feels like." – She started to move her hand forth and back gently stroking Danielle`s arm - "I lost someone too." – She nodded when the girl looked at her - "And even it wasn`t entirely true, it felt very real for me." – Ronnie moved her other hand and placed it on her daughter`s cheek - "But this pain Danielle, when you`re trying to hold onto it, it fills you completely until you can`t feel anything else. It`s horrible what it does to you. Just look at me. Look what it did to me."- Danielle didn`t even move when both of Ronnie`s hands rested on her face and her thumbs moved in circles tracing the girl`s cheekbones. It was still strange with Ronnie being that close but right now Danielle didn`t want her to go away - "Don`t keep the things inside Danielle, it doesn`t help. I know, I`ve been doing it for too long."

- "But,... I don`t know what to do. I feel so alone..." – Danielle`s eyes slowly filled with fresh tears.

- "You`re not alone Danielle." – Ronnie`s hands remained stuck to Danielle`s face. She wasn`t going to let go, not this time. - "Sweetie, look at me!" – Ronnie said softly as the girl`s gaze lowered. - "We`ll get through this together. You and me. I won`t give up on you, never again."- she stated with confidence.

- "I... I want to believe you, I do. I may even try and understand." – Danielle fought back the tears not knowing when where this sudden strength came from - "But if all the things you said, what you did. If it was because you were hurting, than it means that I don`t know you at all." – She carried on feeling Ronnie`s warm fingers removing the wetness from under her eyes - "I mean who are you?"

- "This is me, the real me. Right here." – Ronnie took Danielle`s hand in hers and pressed it to her chest. - "Dani I know how much I`ve hurt you and I know I will never be able to make it up to you." – She kept squeezing her daughter`s fingers between hers with the same force that Danielle moments ago was pressing them against Ronnie`s shoulder. - "I know you`re scared and lost and I know you don`t trust me right now. But you don`t have to do anything, just let me be around, don`t push me away." – She gently pressed the other hand that remained on Danielle`s face making the girl look straight into her eyes - "And I promise you. I promise you Danielle you won`t regret it." – Ronnie`s eyes didn`t move from Danielle`s as she waited for her to respond. Seconds of silence felt like hours as the both women remained in their stillness not daring to look away. Suddenly Ronnie unintentionally squeezed her fingers tighter around Danielle`s palm making the girl move her eyes from her mother`s face. The woman mentally kicked herself for making this sudden movement as she looked at her own hand still wrapped around Danielle`s but as she lifted her gaze the girl`s eyes once again reached her own. Ronnie exhaled with relief seeing Danielle`s lips form into a weak but a visible smile. The girl slowly moved forward and just before letting the top her head rest on Ronnie`s shoulder she said - "Well, um Stacy will probably need some help on the stall once I can use my arm again. So I guess I could stick around for a while, see how things go."

- "Thank you!" – Ronnie whispered to Danielle`s ear smiling to herself as the feeling of her daughter in her arms overwhelmed her and now once it entered her heart she never wanted it to go away. Only a few months ago she didn`t have a clue that this girl who appeared on the square out of nowhere would turn her world upside down in the most wonderful way. That she would be the one to bring the purpose to her meaningless existence and with it an end to a cruel tease of Ronnie Mitchell`s life.

Danielle stepped onto the pavement letting her chest rise calmly as she exhaled with relief. It was something she didn`t feel in a very long time. It was a long day and very draining emotionally. Even though she wanted to stay for a bit longer and Ronnie seemed to try to delay the moment of separation as much as she could, the tiredness and returning headache were slowly taking over and Danielle couldn`t fight them anymore. She habitually moved her eyes upwards, concentrating her attention on a small window. The curtain twitched and the girl noticed a pair of big blue eyes emerge from behind it, soon followed by a shine of sparkly white teeth as Ronnie`s lips formed into a kind smile. Danielle returned the gesture and moved her feet forward towards the Slaters. She could still hear Ronnie`s words in her head, _I love you, I love you so much._ Danielle didn`t know if she believed them, she wanted to, but Ronnie`s change of heart was so sudden that the girl couldn`t get her head around it. Still, it felt like they made a step forward, because even if Danielle wasn`t sure how consistent Ronnie would be in her attempts to build a relationship with her, the girl had already accepted the fact that the soft side to Ronnie Mitchell`s character actually existed. That there was more to this 'Ice Maiden' than she thought, otherwise why would she keep all those birthday cards or the locket. Seven months was a long time for Danielle to learn many things, she knew what was Ronnie like with Roxy, Jack and even Archie. All these relationships were far from perfect, the strange co-dependent bond with her sister, the thin line between love and hate that always seemed to dominate her relations with Jack, or finally her strained relationship with her dad. It didn`t matter if Ronnie Mitchell loved or hated, she always did it with the same passion and determination and if she was willing to put some of that passion and determination into her relationship with Danielle, then maybe that was a chance for a future together. After all the girl had never seen her mother being so persistent to convince her how much she meant to her, but even if Danielle would find a courage to trust her mother again right now she didn`t know what it actually meant. Because what did it mean to be loved by Ronnie Mitchell?


	25. Chapter 25 Spoliers

_**Hi guys. I`m really sorry it`s taking so long with the updates but I have actually started a new job and I am also in the process of moving homes and I barely find time to review and absolutely no time to write. I have scribbled a few future chapters but they`re not in the sequence and it`s the filler chapters that come in between I`m struggling with at the moment. I will try to find some time for writing, I promise. P.S. It`s good that Adia`s back. I actually wanted to give you a bit of a treat. As I said before on many occasions I have a clear plan for this story, so I decided to award your patience with a few spoilers, these are actually a few bits that will appear in the future chapters. (They may be altered and expanded a bit later on, but not too much). Hope you will like them. I`m not expecting you to review, cause it`s not an update, but if you would like to share your opinions about what`s in store I always look forward to reading your comments.**_

_**Thanks!**_

Danielle was sitting on the swing with her arms tightly wrapped around her body like a shield, she was completely alone. The heat of the June sun was relentlessly burning her cheeks. She sniffed the tears back and sadly whispered to herself – "Happy birthday Danielle."

...

Ronnie was leaning against the kitchen door frame pressing a bag to her chest as she watched her sister struggle trying to dig out a toast from a toaster with a knife. The biggest ever grin didn`t leave her face even for a moment since yesterday. She was finding it so difficult to suppress this huge joy that was flooding her heart that she didn`t even notice when her mouth opened and the words left her lips flying in Roxy`s direction. –"She said it Rox. She finally said it..."

...

Ronnie was staring at Dawn trying to locate in her mind the image of the person that would fit her description – "And I know him? – She asked confused when her search failed.

– "That`s what he said." – Dawn replied handing drink to a customer. – "Well, where is he then?" – Ronnie added impatiently wanting to get over and done with it, whatever it was.

- "Behind you!" – The barmaid pointed towards Ronnie`s shoulder making her turn around to face her mysterious stalker.

- "I think you still owe me a tissue." – He smiled kindly meeting her gaze.

...

- "I was trying to protect you Danielle."- Ronnie stretched her arm towards her daughter as she angrily paced around the living room.

- "Protect me? From what?"- She spat back in her mother`s direction.

- "I just didn`t want you to get hurt." – Ronnie answered calmly hoping that the soft tone of her voice would help her sedate her livid child - "I didn`t want you to do something stupid" – she added quietly moving her eyes away in embarrassment.

- "Stupid?" – Danielle stopped burning her furious eyes into Ronnie`s - "Why don't you say it straight? We both know what that something stupid is, don`t we?" – She shouted in an insolent manner before turning towards the hallway.

- "Danielle wait, baby please. I was just worried." – Ronnie`s eyes filled with tears as she immediately followed Danielle almost tripping on her way down the stairs trying to get hold of the girl`s arm.

- "Don`t bother. If I get knocked up again I`m sure you can help me get rid of it, just like you did before." – The girl screamed out and slammed the door behind her leaving her mother to drown in her tears.

...

- "Oh for goodness sake Ron, with your speed I can`t believe that you lost your virginity at the age of 14." – Roxy was casually hanging over the bar in the Vic giving her sister social tips. – "What you`re waiting for, he`s just a man."

- "Shush!" – Ronnie smacked her sister on the shoulder indicating that she should keep her voice down - "He`s not just any man Rox and you know that."- She added lifting a glass of orange juice to her lips.

- "So, who cares? Dan won`t mind. He`s perfect Ron." – Roxy pointed towards Danielle who was cheerfully chatting with a man accompanying her.

- "Oh, and that`s because of his wallet and Hercules body?" – Ronnie chuckled.

- "No you silly cow. He loves Danielle. He loves your baby." – Roxy added with a gentle smile and brushed her fingers on top of Ronnie`s palm wrapped around the glass.

...

- "What the hell are you talking about? – Ronnie was furiously throwing her words at the policeman shocked by his admission. – "He doesn`t deserve anything. He doesn`t deserve to breathe the same air as my daughter not after what he did to her."

...

Danielle lifted her head realizing that she wasn`t alone in the bedroom - "They took her."- She added sadly staring at the figure of her mother as it appeared in the doorway.

- "I know baby, and I am so sorry." – Ronnie moved away from the door and knelt by the bed opposite her daughter - "Dani, is there anything I can do?" – She added cupping Danielle`s cheek.

- "Yeah, you could hug me." – Danielle moved her arms from her knees and wrapped them around Ronnie`s neck pulling her body towards herself.


	26. Chapter 26

_**Hi everyone! I know it`s been a very long time but finally I should be able to find some time to write. I just hope I didn`t get rusty. Anyway let me know. (R&R please) I really appriciate your opinions.**_

Stacy dragged her shaking from cold body down the stairs wrapping it tightly with a gown. She pushed the living room door and poked inside to scan the place for any sign of her friend – "Dan?" – but as the sharp tone of her voice filled with morning hoarseness bounced off the walls surrounding this empty space the girl turned towards the kitchen. – "You`re up early" – she pressed on the handle rubbing her still sleepy eyes and mumbled in between the yawns in the direction of a blond figure sitting by the table.

- "I crashed straight after coming back. My head was killing me." – Danielle rested her uninjured elbow on the table and breathed in the aroma of the freshly made cup of coffee. She wasn`t particularly enjoying the drink but she needed a stimulant to keep her awake. She was hardly well-rested. If it wasn`t for tiredness caused by a throbbing pain in her head that was still troubling her after consuming a whole bottle of vodka the day before she wouldn`t get a shuteye. The recurrent nightmare of the accident was ruthless turning what was supposed to be a soothing time into a torture.

- "Yeah, and you were snoring too." – Stacy smirked chewing a piece of toast that she picked up from Danielle`s plate sending her a playfully stern look. The girl slightly frowned in embarrassment – "Sorry!"

- "Don`t worry I sleep like a baby." – Stacy brushed her fingers through her messy hair and took a sip from Danielle`s cup. – "Trust me if Uncle Charlie won`t sort out the heating upstairs soon we`re gonna freeze to death up there." – she added chuckling, but her comment went pass completely ignored by Danielle. The girl was just aimlessly staring at the table, lost in her thoughts. It was not unusual, Stacy knew how easily Danielle could switch off, she never thought much of it though, never wondered what was occupying her mind or where her best friend was in those moments of her mental absence. But right now it was clear where she was, where she had been all those times, or rather who she was with. The way the Mitchell woman presented herself around the square, as if she owned it, irritated Stacy to the bones. She was sick of her stone cold surface firmly covering what Stacy believed was an already frosty core and her lustrous eyes in which she could see nothing except her own reflection. The girl was sick of the games the woman played with Sean and now with Danielle, the 7 months long emotional rollercoaster that she so inconsiderately threw her best friend into. Because of Ronnie Mitchell Stacy`s blood boiled many times and her temperature went through the roof. And even though under any other circumstances there was absolutely no way that Stacy Slater would want anything to do with the whole Mitchell clan, especially with the elder of the sisters, completely unaware of her best friend`s true identity she still built a very strong bond with Ronnie`s flesh and blood. A bond that she wasn`t going to give up that easily.

Danielle might have had Mitchell blood running through her veins, but she was nothing like Ronnie, at least not until now. It felt like the warmth from her hazel eyes could burn your skin at times, and her cheesy smile that seemed to be permanently glued to her face had nothing from Ronnie`s vinegar lips. Danielle`s heart was on her sleeve, at least at first, Ronnie`s on the other hand seemed to be nowhere, just like her chest was empty. Danielle Jones, Amy Mitchell, a Mitchell, no that tag wouldn`t go with her, not with this girl. And yet, even Stacy couldn`t deny how much Danielle`s dreamy posture resembled her mother`s. How many times she saw Ronnie in the exactly same state. The same firm, unmoving gaze hiding the world known only to them, both tainted with the same secret, the same flinch of the bottom lip and even the rhythm in which their nails harshly met with the surface of the table seemed the same. They were so different and yet so similar, almost identical. In the last few days Stacy spent more time in the company of Ronnie Mitchell than she ever did since the woman appeared on the square. She got to know the new side of the woman, the side that she didn`t even expect to have existed. Stacy didn`t know if Ronnie`s change of heart towards Danielle was a result of what she claimed to be love or was it simply guilt. But even if it was guilt it was still more than she expected from someone who seemed to be deprived of any natural feelings. Maybe after all Ronnie Mitchell wasn`t a bad person, but of course for Stacy that didn`t mean that she was a good one either. And for now, for the sake of Danielle Stacy decided to settle for a position of a quiet but an attentive observer, because only one wrong step and Stacy Slater`s days of kindness towards the Mitchells would soon be over.

- "So are you gonna say something?" – Stacy pushed agitated with the deadly silence that filled the kitchen.

- "Oh the heating. Yeah it was quite cold last night" – Danielle rubbed her face woken up from her dreamy pose and fixed her eyes on Stacy signalling that she was back on the Earth. She gently frowned like a scolded child as the girl`s words made her feel a bit guilty for consuming the only means of keeping her friend warm throughout the cold winter days.

- "Sod the heating Dan. I`m talking about you and Ronnie." – Stacy shouted a bit excited and irritated at the same time.

- "Oh that?" – Danielle frowned – "Yeah it was fine,... - she paused and fixed her gaze on the table –"...better than fine" – she gently smiled –"It was really good"- her eyes sparked at the memory of the last night`s events. – "She was kind and carrying. She was actually listening to me, Stace." – she nodded with a big grin on her face – "So unlike her."

- "That`s good. Isn`t it?" – Stacy shook her shoulders finding her friend`s reactions a bit cheesy, still it was nice to see her happy for a change.

- "Yeah" – Danielle whispered to herself not really trusting her own words and followed with her eyes Stacy who got up and placed the empty cups on top of already big pile of dirty dishes filling the sink.

- "Stace" – a gentle tone of Danielle`s voice almost discarded with the clatter of the glass as Stacy tried to stop the pile of dishes from collapsing breezed towards the girl`s back, who just aimlessly turned her head still keeping her eyes on the sink – "Yeah?"

- "Never mind" – Danielle frowned sighting heavily and once again fixed her gaze on the table.

- "Dan, what is it?" – After safely escorting half of the dishes to the side of the sink Stacy finally turned her all attention to her friend.

- "Do you think she really cares?" – Danielle lifted her eyebrows, eagerly waiting for an answer with a mixture of fear and excitement filling her eyes. It was strange, she never asked Stacy before what she had thought if anything she had always defended Ronnie when Stacy had said something nasty about her. But this time for some reason she wanted to know, needed to know for her own judgement was too clouded with Ronnie`s sudden wave of emotions towards her. It only proved how much she changed, how much she didn`t trust herself anymore.

- "Well, I don`t know. Do I?" – Stacy shook her shoulders indifferently. She was being honest, she didn`t know if Ronnie`s affection for Danielle would last long or would it disappear once she stopped feeling guilty, but when Danielle`s smile dropped and her eyes filled with disappointment Stacy moved towards the table and pulled a chair. – "Look!" – she sighted taking a seat – "There were times when I wanted to throttle her with my bare hands" – she carried on – "But when you were in hospital she was... Well, I`ve never seen her like that. She was terrified. She didn`t want to leave you for a second. The way she was looking at you..." – Stacy nervously fidgeted with the belt of her gown, she wasn`t used to talking so openly about emotions, especially if it involved Ronnie Mitchell – "...she wasn`t faking it." – she stated firmly and got up – "Be careful though, after all she is a Mitchell." – she managed to add just before Danielle`s phone vibrated against the surface of the table.

Ronnie was slowly walking across the square towards the Vic, enjoying the sound of the splashing water as her shoes gently tapped the ground with every step. She never felt this light before. For the first time in many years she could actually hear the quiet chirp of birds, and notice the beautiful azure colour of the sky. The fresh scent coming from the trees that were still wet after the rain was rising over the square, but she couldn`t smell it. Her nostrils were filled with a beautiful coconut aroma of her daughter`s hair. She couldn`t remember when was the last time she wasn`t in a rush, when there wasn`t something urgent, something that had to be done here and now. For the last twenty years she looked for distractions, held onto anything that would stop her from thinking from feeling, as it was too painful. She was hiding under the papers, filling her head with numbers, sorting out Roxy`s mess anything that would stop the thoughts from coming, that would suppress the longing. But there were moments when there was not enough paperwork, when the numbers just wouldn`t add up, when there was no mess in Roxy`s life to sort out. In those moments the ghosts she was running away from were coming in ten folds. In those moments she was drinking. But not anymore, her baby was back and this time she had to make sure that she was back for good. She turned the key in the door and after getting in made her way upstairs following the sound of the TV. Ronnie pushed the living room door and casually addressed her sister who was lying on the couch with Amy sitting on her laps. – "Hi"

- "Oh look Amy it`s your Aunty Ron, the same one that threw your mummy out yesterday. You see your mummy wanted to help but as usual Aunty Ron prefers to deal with everything on her own, just like that grumpy old lady a read about to you yesterday." – Roxy shook her shoulders not looking in her sister`s direction and pulled a face making the baby laugh. She than got up, and after she securely placed her daughter on the couch she looked at her sister as if she wanted to turn her into a pillar of salt.

- "I`m sorry, ok. I was worried about Danielle and you two weren`t exactly helping." – Ronnie stated shortly and narrowed her eyebrows returning the gesture. It was clear that it was all she had to say about her actions from last night, and the best thing Roxy could do was the accept her sister`s apologizes, however short and unconvincing they were. Roxy knew very well when and how to press Ronnie`s buttons and she also knew that right now this wasn`t a good time to do it. Besides she was too curious and the offended princess attitude wouldn`t make her sister give away any information - "How is she anyway?" – she asked forcing a smile.


	27. Chapter 27

_**Hi guys! Thanks for reviews on the last chapter. Hope you`ll like this one. R&R please.**_

- "And then I... I held her" – Ronnie raised her shoulders and closed her eyes feeling the immense joy that the image of her daughter wrapped in her arms filled her heart with - "I was holding my baby again, Rox." – she chuckled not believing her own words, not believing that this was actually happening, her daughter was alive and she was within reach. There was nothing in her way anymore, nothing except herself. Yes, she held her daughter in her arms but this was after showers of tears, and screams demanding explanations. It only proved what Ronnie already knew, they still had a very long journey ahead and what they made so far were only a few baby steps. - "If only I knew sooner, Roxy"- Ronnie`s smile dropped and her face displayed sadness – "If she had told me sooner, none of this would have happened." – she got up and perched herself on the windowsill. She kept biting the skin around her thumb staring at the carpet. Her eyes were focused and wide as if she was making plans. Roxy could only assume that she knew what exactly was on her sister`s mind, she didn`t know why Danielle kept her identity a secret for so long, even if for some reason she didn`t want to tell Ronnie she could have told her. After all she entrusted her with her own daughter and even though her willingness to leave Amy with Danielle wasn`t exactly dictated by her kindness towards the young girl who might have got seduced by the bliss and charms of motherhood, still at least she deserved that much. She wanted Ronnie to be happy, to have Danielle in her life, she even liked the idea of being a cool aunty Roxy, and Danielle seemed nice, but most of all she wanted everything to be the way it was before and right now it felt like a very remote possibility. - "Well, she should have told you. You deserved to know. I mean why would she..."- Roxy agreed with her sister trying to explain unexplainable, but she wasn`t allowed to finish - "How?" – Ronnie set her gaze back on her sister - "I was horrible to her and it`s not only the engagement party, since she`s been here all I did was hurt and disappoint her. All she was trying to do was to get close to me to let me get to know her and all I did was push her away." – she was pacing restlessly around the living room pouring her heart out – "If only I was the person she wanted to tell." – she said regretfully and sat on the couch beside Roxy - "I never made her feel that I had wanted her" – she added in a breaking voice as a lonely tear appeared on her cheek. – "But this time I will Rox. I make sure that she knows how much I care, that she can trust me, that I would never hurt her again." – She removed the tears from her face and gave her sister a weak but a genuine smile feeling more convinced of her own words more than ever before.

- "Sounds like a plan" – Roxy smiled back tucking her sister`s hair behind her ear – "You`re sure, you`re ready for this?"

- "I`ve been ready for this for twenty years." – The tears faded and her face lighted up again.

- "Go on then" – Roxy moved her head in the direction of the door and before she noticed Ronnie had already disappeared leaving her alone with a sleepy toddler in her arms.

- "I still need twenty pence more" – Ian was stamping on his feet like a spoiled child tossing the coins from one hand to the other.

- "Yes I know. I`ve got it here. It`s just my arm..."- Danielle fidgeted with her coat trying to reach the pocket across but the bandages covering her broken arm and the sling supporting it were making it difficult, leaving only a tiny space, almost impossible for her healthy hand to squeeze through.

- "Hurry up! I`ve got a big business to run in here" – he barked impatiently to demonstrate his excellence but the high pitch of his squeaky voice only made Danielle smile. All these months she spend on the square thought her that the only big thing Ian Biel had to run was his gob and even that seemed to shrink every time it met with the gob of Stacy Slater or Mo Harris for that matter. Moreover, the huge coffee stain on his apron and thick layer of grease sticking to his hair didn`t make him look executively at all. - "Well, come on" – he added angrily pointing towards Danielle`s pocket just before it hit her; the beautiful sweet scent coming from behind. She knew that fragrance very well, it was distinct but not too strong, gently reaching her nostrils without the pretentious will to penetrate them, displaying modest but recognizable degree of elegance and sophistication. The beautiful scent was soon followed by its perfect match, an equally subtle but still a firm voice that somehow today seemed much gentler than the girl ever remembered- "Here". Danielle lowered her gaze and looked at the hand resting on the worktop beside the cup of tea. Its fingers were long and slender decorated with an elegant shade of purple nail polish. The girl barely managed to piece together the perfume, the voice and the nail polish to create the image of the person standing behind her before the hand swiftly slid from the worktop revealing a shiny twenty pence coin and rested on the girl`s shoulder. Danielle gulped feeling an electric tingling sensation go through her body. She forced her frozen body to move. A she turned around she was met with sparkling, big blue eyes and a smile that seemed not to leave this familiar face at all in the last few days – "Hi!" – Ronnie moved her hand from Danielle`s shoulder and gently brushed over the sling covering the girl`s broken arm. – "You ok?" – the woman tilted her head slightly, still smiling. – "Ronnie!" – Danielle wanted to say something more sensible or at least something more suitable for the occasion like _Hi_ but instead she just uttered her mother`s name for no apparent reason. Minutes passed as Danielle kept staring at her mother without saying anything. _Ronnie was there_, _of course she was there_, _she lived on the square_, Danielle kicked herself mentally, but it wasn`t only her it was everybody else, everyone from the square knew. Danielle gulped again, as she looked around the café and realized that all the customers were staring at the two of them. She could feel dozens of eyes scanning her from head to toes – "Danielle?" – Ronnie leaned slightly forward, her voice remained calm, full of emotions but this time there was a hint of concern in it. Danielle set her eyes back on her mother who was still lovingly looking at her as if there was no one else in there, just the two of them. People might have stared but Ronnie seemed not to notice that at all, she was just there, she was still her new self.

- "Yeah, sorry! Yeah I`m fine" – Danielle smiled back still nervously looking around the café, not able to fix her eyes on her mum.

- "You`re leaving?" – Ronnie asked calmly noticing the cause of her daughter`s feverish behaviour. Her natural instinct was take Danielle as far away as possible, to hide her little girl from the nosy eyes of others, but she couldn`t, she had to help Danielle regain her confidence, to teach her that running away wasn`t an option, after all she herself was doing it for the last twenty years.

- "Yeah, I just need to..." – Danielle kept looking around confused trying to remind herself why she was there in the first place.

- "Don`t forget your tea Danielle." – Knowing her husband`s passion for asking highly inappropriate questions Jane pulled him away from the customers and took over the service.- "Oh yeah, thanks" – Danielle turned around and reached out for the cup - "It`s good to have you back" – the woman smiled kindly towards the girl who returned the gesture. – "Here let me help." – Ronnie grabbed the cup from the worktop before the girl had a chance to protest and both women left the café.

- "She seems to like you" – Ronnie was proudly walking next to her daughter, not able to stop looking at her, taking a mental picture of every tiny detail from her head to toes.

- "Who? Jane?" – Danielle asked lifting her eyes to meet her mother`s gaze. "I don`t know"- the girl shook her shoulders and smiled gently a bit embarrassment by her mother`s words. Except the interview and countless arguments there weren`t many conversations she had with Ronnie and even if the two women ever exchanged a few words in a peaceful manner it was never about Danielle, it was always about work, always something meaningless. - "She was reading this book" – the girl carried on sipping her tea, encouraged by her mother`s attention – "Well, actually it was the back cover of the book, she was late for this...umm book club, you know..." – Ronnie nodded pretending that she knew what Danielle was talking about. She never took any interest in the way the square`s resident`s were spending their free time, not to mention getting involved, but she wanted her daughter to carry on. She couldn`t take her eyes of the girl, the way she spoke was making Ronnie feel butterflies in her stomach, Danielle`s voice was like a music to her ears. – "...And because I read the book back in college I was able to tell what it was about, that`s all" – the girl finished - "Well, you certainly seem to make friends quite easily" – Ronnie stated and gently brushed Danielle`s arm. – "It`s nothing much really. I`m just trying to be nice." – the girl shook her shoulders as if there was nothing to it, as if it was that simple. She lifted the cup to her lips to take the last sip when her phoned rang. She threw the empty cup to the bin and took the phone out of her pocket – "Hi Gareth!" – she pressed the phone to her ear. Ronnie turned her head away not wanting Danielle to think that she was prying, but out of simple curiosity about every aspect of her daughter`s life she couldn`t stop herself from listening to the conversation. – "Yes GG, yes I got your message this morning, three o`clock I remember. I will phone later on... yeah you too, bye."- Danielle quickly put the phone down still not feeling comfortable with Ronnie on one side and Gareth on the other.

- "Three o`clock?" – Ronnie asked quietly as Danielle carried on walking without a word.

- "Oh umm, appointment at the surgery. I hope they`ll finally take of the bandages" – Danielle casually threw the answer towards her mother.

- "Appointment? Today?" – Ronnie stopped feeling a bit hurt that Danielle hadn`t told her. She wanted to be involved, to be with her every step of the way, like she promised she would, but she knew how difficult for Danielle was to open up, to let her in so she put on a brave face and smiled. – "You`re going alone?"

- "Well, Stacy said she would go, if she remembers. I`m meeting her outside the surgery at three." – Danielle pushed the gate and stepped onto the pathway leading into the house.

- "So, maybe I could see you later than?" – Ronnie reached out and touched Danielle`s head, what she really wanted to do was to pull the girl towards herself and place a kiss on her forehead but Danielle already moved away – "Yeah, maybe."- she smiled closing the gate and disappeared behind the door. Ronnie took a deep breath staring at the door for a couple of minutes, she hated these moments, it wasn`t right, Danielle was meant to be with her, she hated letting her go.

Stacy was sorting out the clothes, putting them on the right hangers. It was early morning but she was already fed up. She missed Danielle and their girly chats, working on the stall was fun before now it was simply boring. She couldn`t wait for Danielle to be back on the stall, and for the things to be the way they were before even though deep down inside she knew that this was only wishful thinking because nothing was gonna be the same anymore.

- "Stace!" – Ronnie unexpectedly emerged from in between the hangers. – "I have a proposition for you."

Danielle was angrily looking at her phone. It was already three o`clock and not a sign of her best friend. She looked one final time at the direction of the stall before turning around to face the stairs leading to the main door of the surgery. She was about to take the first step when she heard her name.

- "Danielle!" - the girl turned around and to her surprise saw her mother gasping for air.- "I bribed Stacy" – she said shyly hoping that Danielle wouldn`t mind, that she wouldn`t tell her to go away. The girl remained quiet for a moment but as Ronnie kept looking at her with her begging eyes she smiled gently and both women made her way to the surgery.


	28. Chapter 28

_**Hi everyone! I know it`s been ages since I updated last time but I was extremely busy. I had some health issues but fortunately everything worked out for the best and I have a beautiful baby boy now. I am still very busy as a new mummy but as I said on many occasions I am not going to give up on this story, I just hope that there are still readers who are patient enough and will carry on reading and reviewing this story. Please let me know if that`s the case or I shouldn`t bother. Thanks in advance.**_

_**Camilee**_


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